A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How do I get over the fact the guy i was dating for 3 and a half years, and who split up with me two days ago has actually been cheating for well over a week... I had my suspicions and asked him, but he said they were just friends...I found out by means i am not pleased with that they are together, though he has been baiting me with questions of what i would do if they were for a few days now...I need to know how to get passed this... He was my first everything and even though i am really angry i dont know what to do...All of my friends are in uni atm where i should be if the uni hadnt messed up my course... I hate my current job and the people there are really bitchy about each other and i dont really like them...I dont have many hobbies and i have no one around who i can actually talk to atm and I am really stressed and unhappy and have no idea where to turn... Please help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2010): Well, I am sure you are more than a little angry and hurt and you feel betrayed.
Your boyfriend simply was a coward about breaking up with you. Many guys do what he did and find another "victim" before they let go of the girl they have.
He is being selfish and he was never that serious about your relationship anyway. He is not at an age or in a place in life where he could marry you and support a family so therefore, he came to a crossroads, a crisis of commitment and had to end your relationship. The way he did it doesn't really matter as to the reason...it is the poor way he chose to handle things.
The other girl is a rebound. He probably wasn't strong enough on his own to break up with you without another girl in the wings....emotional immaturity...
Don't take him back, don't talk to him about this or the other girl. Simply turn the other cheek and cut him off entirely. Do no contact and that means you "tell" him not to contact you. You need to show him that you can live just fine without him and that you accept this breakup.
Trust me that will bother him a whole lot more than you behaving in a hurt manner, crying and begging or asking questions about his cheating.
The relationship was already over in his mind. That doesn't excuse his behavior though.
I think this relationship has run it's course and you will find an even better man for you when the time is right.
For now I would concentrate on school and accomplishing your goals. Meet some new people and lean on your friends and family for support. Be with people who love you for you...You'll be fine. This is a good thing because now you are free to be you and you can date other men and be more chosey. First loves are rarely the last ones, hun...everyone goes through this at least once.
Chin up.
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