A
female
age
30-35,
*obyfire
writes:Some preliminary information..My boyfriend and I had sex for the very first time last night. We are both 17 were both virgins.. Sort of. He has had oral sex with other men in the past, and I have had oral sex with other women. We are both bisexual. We used a condom, of course. My mother knows that I have become sexually active. In fact, she was the one that gave us the condoms.There is a girl at our school who we were very close with. She and I became friends at the beginning of the year when she asked me to become friends with T(my boyfriend). She had wanted me to become his friend so that I could introduce them and he would fall madly in love with her. Instead her plan backfired and he fell for me instead. It may seem immature and childish, but I am very much in love with him. Our friend became quite cross with me and started to ignore me and spread rumours about me around school. She also constantly flirts with T and has been trying to convince him to break up with me. He has mostly stopped talking to her except to ask her if she knows where I am. However, she continues to leave notes in his locker and sends him provocative emails which he forwards to me.Many of our friends know that we have had sex, but no one has told this girl yet. I am very worried that she will hear it from one of our mutual friends.She has been known to be almost psychopathic when it comes to T and I. I think that she may act violently towards me, or hurt herself if she hears it from someone else.I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions on how I should tell her what is going on in a way that will not cause her to attempt to murder me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2010): Wow, with that information, the girl sounds like she has most likely a personality disorder and she isn't going to change not even with help.I don't think it is her business or anyone else's for that matter that you two are having sex. Just tell her that yes you are in a relationship and that you didn't steal anyone from her. People are not possessions or owned by anyone, tell her that the two of you hit it off and have real feelings for eachother, and you are sorry she feels the way she does and hopes she will try to see things from your point of view. Ask her what she would have you do, break up with him? Does she think that would make him choose her? Ask her pointed questions without sounding judgemental and let her realize for herself how stupid she is being. Validate her feelings of upset though, tell her you understand that she is upset and that it was not your intention to hurt her in any way.Other than that, I would probably "drop" this friendship.
A
female
reader, cobyfire +, writes (7 March 2010):
cobyfire is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am quite certain she knows we are together considering we were still hanging out with her for awhile and she has seen us holding hands and kissing and she was one of the first people we told.
I have already asked her to stop sending him suggestive emails. When I did this she threw a chair at me and started screaming that I stole everything she ever cared about.
There have been many episodes like this. I have been walking down the hall at school and she pushes me against a locker and starts shrieking at me. I have seen the guidance counselor and the principal about this and despite suspending her they have been unable to do anything about it.
As for being bisexual at 17, I have had more serious relationships with girls than with guys. My current boyfriend is actually my first serious relationship with a guy.
Also, my boyfriend has been checked for an sti. I would not have had sex with him if he had one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2010): I don't know. Your story sounds a little melodramatic to me on your part. I don't see any real evidence that this girl is psychopathic. She simply feels betrayed by a friend, you.
If you don't care about the friendship then say nothing to her, it isn't any of her business anyway. If you do want to straighten things out, then tell her that you didn't intend to hurt her by falling for the guy she liked, but it happens and it just so happens that the feelings are mutual between the two of you. Ask her if she would stop sending him suggestive emails, or ask her doesn' she know the two of you are together (maybe she really doesn't know) and that he is being rude and forwarding her private mails for you to read.
Be the bigger person and tell her you would still like to be friends with her and that you hope some guy doesn't come between the two of you.
That said, how do you know you are bisexual at the age of 16? More likely you are experimenting with sex....that's what teenagers do. It sees to me that you like men.
I would be concerned about having sex with a man who has sex even oral sex with men....there are more chances for a man to get an std from homosexual anal sex that can easily be transmitted to you, both orally and vaginally.
Sounds a bit yuck to me....sorry. Hope you get it worked out.
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