A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Dear Agony Aunts,I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and I have been dating secretly. My parents are not as accepting as my friends' parents are. So whenever I go out for movies with my boyfriend, I have to tell half the truth and all. Anyways, my boyfriend is leaving for the UK soon for his studies and I really want to hang out with him. He's leaving in approx 2 weeks time. Recently, we've been attending a lot of leaving parties and my dad has been giving him rides home and he's been taking me to parties too. But they don't know that we're dating. But my dad asked if I liked him and I said that I kind of do but he's leaving and acted all cool about it. They say I'm too young to think about dating. My other family members were all okay with dating at 16-17. They think its for good experience. So this thursday, initially, we planned a double date with our friend and I felt quite secured. But now, he can't make it.. So I am planning to ask my dad to drop me off at the mall when I meet up with my friends... the only thing im really worried about is that my dad might insist that my mum walks me to the cinema. My parents are very protective and they'll insist on walking me to the cinema and they treat me like I can't walk on my own. They're like paranoid and always say that I'm too young for anything. I feel quite embarrassed because ALL (legit) ALL my friends get dropped off and they get to go on their own. What should I do?? What can I say to make them let me walk on my own?? Please help! I am desperate right now! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2015): You're missing the point. At your age (I was there 3 - 4 years ago, you think your safe, won't get hurt and know what's best for you - you don't. That's the reality check. Your parents allow you to do a lot, by the sounds of it and they may be protective, but I wouldn't actually consider it over-protective. You'll genuinely appreciate it when you have your own children.Worry about dating when you've moved out. If you choose not to be honest, you're not ready to be trusted anyway. I would be horrified if my future child (which is what you are legally) thought they had a valid reason for lying - especially for TWO YEARS. That's not okay. I wouldn't trust them after that until they earned it back. You *owe* your parents the truth. No excuses.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2015): I posted this.. In response to your answers..I can't afford to tell them. Period. Even my brother told me not to tell them. Even my brother keeps his relationships as a secret. It's not that I don't want to tell them, they just don't accept it at all. They don't understand in a way I suppose? I wanna be open with them but I'll end up having a huge lecture and all. They've meet him before and they like him. But they just don't want me dating/going out with a guy alone. Btw for as long as I've been with him, we've gone out alone like twice.. The rest are with friends.. Plus it's probably like the last time I'll be able to do this.. I guess you might not see it from my view nor understand what I'm coming from.. It's been difficult.. My mum treats my brother like he's a kid and he's like 27.. Can you imagine me?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2015): Hi there.This must feel really difficult for you. I am a mum and i would be very affected if i found out my 15 yr old daughter was dating in secret, which I am assuming is the age you started dating this guy if you've been seeing him for two years you must be getting a fair amount of freedom if you are regularly seeing him and friends, it seems to be from what you have written that it's the dropping off, walking to to somewhere that your parents are doing that you find restrictive. I can understand that, but from a mothers point of view I getwwhy it's so hard to let go and allow your child to do this sort of thing ontheir own. IIt's more about the world out there and other people than the teenager I can tell you.Now to the fact you have been lying. Because you have sweetheart. Big lie for two years. This isn't on at all. You can put it how you like, you can talk about over protective parents etc etc, but bottom line is :you have lied big time about something really important for two years. It's massive. Don't sherk responsibility for that. You don't sound hard done by because you have parents who are protective. You have to level with them. Sound them out, see what your dad says now you've had a bit of a conversation about this boy. Ask him how he'd feel if you went to the cinema with him.What happens if you are ill or in an accident when with him? Will you tell them then or will he? Or would you hide that too?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2015): Hi I posted this...
Well, I've tried talking to them about the topic of going out and liking this guy.. and they shut me off and I got lectured hard... Also, my other family members allowed their kids to date at my age... My parents are like the only ones... Anyways, the mall I go to is pretty safe and its busy and like I always go straight to where I'm meeting my bf/friends and I always drop a text or call them to let them know that I'm with my friends and that I'm going for the movie etc.. Is there anything else I could do? I know lying isn't very good.. but they left me with no other choices, they're not open-minded, they don't believe that I can take on things and they think I can get hurt because of a guy.. tbh it takes more than that to hurt me. I learned how to deal with hurt because I have great friends and I have my bro to help me and other things i do to deal with it... Please helppppp
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2015): Brown Wolf is right - if you're not *their* child, they can say what they want and not deal with the consequences.
You wrote this: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-scared-my-parents-will-make-a-big.html and your boyfriend can't go? Then be upfront and honest with your parents. Besides, your safer walking with friends.
You can't lie and expect to be trusted. It doesn't work that way. You're old enough to be responsible and not lie any more - it's dangerous to lie.
If I'm honest, there's a 99% chance that you and your boyfriend won't last when he goes away because you're not going to be able to travel to see each other and video chatting or emails don't make up for physical contact.
So, to recap, you need to stop lying to your parents because it's not safe, you need to respectfully talk to your parents about walking and accept whatever their answer is, and realise that dating isn't important at your age, so it's not worth getting upset about if you're not allowed to date yet - come clean to your parents about your boyfriend and accept the consequences.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (18 August 2015):
You want your parents to trust you and yet you are lying to them. What do you think will happen if they find out you are dating against their wishes??? Do you think they will want going anywhere at all??
Yes you friends parents and other family members are okay with you dating now, and you know why they are okay with it??? Because you are not THEIR CHILD. People are always okay when other people are doing things because it's not their problem.
My daughter wants to walk home by herself too. I have no problem with that. But here is what I told her....
More women are raped and attached more than men. So if you are ready to deal the consequences of being raped, and hopefully the guy or guys leaves you alive...then sure, walk home on your own.
I am sure your boyfriend will want to be with you if you were raped. Most young men will not want to deal with that drama. You will not want to leave the house ever again...and for what??? Because you think your parents are being to protective. If some thing bad does happen, guess what you are going to say after?? those famous words..."I should have..."
I have no problem with my daughter dating...but if the guy is too afraid to come to me and make his claim...then yes...he is not the guy for daughter.
There is a saying...be careful what you wish for.
Sit your parents down, and tell them you are dating this guy. Tell them you need them to have some faith in you, and give you the chance to prove that you are mature enough to handle dating and school.
Bring the guy home to meet them. They will know if he is worth your time.
Parents are not perfect, but our job is your safety and the best we can hope for you. In other words...we do not want you making the same mistakes we did at your age....and trust me...they are many. We are more protective because the world we grew up in was by far safer than now.
Start doing your share around the house. When your parents see how much more responsible you are, it will make things easier. Don't wait for them to tell you to wash dishes or clean up. Take the mature way of doing things, and they will see you are growing up. :))
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