A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is not over his ex. They dated for a year over five years ago and we are together 3 years. I know he loves me and I love him and we want to be together but I don't know what to do anymore. He gets angry when we talk about it because he swears he is over her. He treats me well and never talks about her. It's how he deals with his memories of her and feeling the need to know what she is up to. I know he's not over her. He says it's just curiosity! I say bulls**T! (It's not like he is constantly looking her up but I think he may have text her recently to say hello. I mean two days ago he practically planned our wedding with me. He's not the type to settle either .. I'm so confused!!Is it something that couples therapy will help? We want to be together but I can't get over this and he is not over her. We want to make it work but can't keep arguing over this. I don't want to throw it all away at all.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 August 2015):
 My husband has issues that need to be resolved. My own therapist has met him and pointed out to me that couples therapy is USELESS in this case and won't fix the problems we have that they are related to my husband's personal internal issues.
I don't know what therapist he went to or what he told that therapist but it's very rare to be told you don't have to come back. Even short term therapy can take several months.
I suggest he try again. This is NOT anything YOU can fix and if he can't get over her he will not move on and you will forever be dealing with her ghost.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2015): Op here ... and I answered CMMP earlier. Relocation is not an option at all as we own a new business in the area that is going well. What do you mean when you say to accept the marriage before he changes his mind? Surely changing his mind before we get married would be better if it had to happen?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2015): Yes he was rejected by her in a most bizarre manner. Her family refused to accept him because he didn't drink alcohol. So she started being horrible to him and lead him back and forth for months and suggested that SHE date other people as well as him until she meets someone else before he finally walked away. He really loved her though and u think that's why he couldn't see it. He lies to himself. He went to one therapy session and she told him he didn't need to come back.
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A
male
reader, Benny tolex  +, writes (18 August 2015):
 The same thing is happening to me. You guys can relocate to erase. The feelings a bit. As for the wedding I'll advice you to. Accept it before he changes his mind
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (18 August 2015):
Sounds like he may benefit from individual therapy more, that way you're not there and he can be more open.
He was probably rejected by her which can make people feel like they're not over their ex when they really are. It's a psychological issue.
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