A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well, I need some opinion and advice me please on what should I do? My boyfriend and me been together for 5 years and things went rocky lately, he broke up with me 3 days ago, before he break up with me, he'd told me several times about his uncertainty of our compatibility. Years ago we are soulmate and deeply in love. I think he loves me more than I love him. He did so many things to make me happy, he even plan to marry me next year and told his buddies and family about his plan. I know he's so serious about our relationship. He's also depressed because he has to deal his own problem, job and carrer. He try to have stable financial for our future. About 3 months ago, I ask for a break up because at that time I thought I can't live with him because of some issue and compatibilty problem, then we got back together and since then his behavior towards me is so rude and cold, he seems like doesn't care about me anymore. He said he realized that he got nothing and wish to have more friends and I realized that his apperance changed and I thought he got influences by his friends. Honestly, I don't like his changes. I don't like his taste in appearance and I love him who he's before. He treated me so good that I know he love me all his heart. He's just confuse and unsure about himself and I don't know how to have him back. He become passive aggressive lately since our breakup. He told his best friend that he's still has feeling for me but don't know how to continue this relationship. He's still hangging my and our picture in his bedroom and he doesn't told his family about our problem. He doesn't tell anybody abour our breakup and said we are okay. Although he hardly reply my text and doesn't want to meet me. I tried to be patience toward him and things just getting worse. Before, he's the one who always follow me and the one who initiate to get back whatever our problem was. Since our last breakup I tried to be patience and he just become more distant. 3 days ago he broke up with me told me that he's feeling for me doesn't so deep like before and said sorry. The next day, he text me, I don't reply, he update status saying like " its hard to forget someone who give you so much to remember, love who can make you laugh, think the best for you, and don't take them for granted because people like that is hard to find"Today he text me again and said goodmorning, I don't reply, then he ask me do I still want to reconcile with him? I don't reply, and he call me once which I don't answer. Then hours later I reply " what do you mean reconcile?" He read it and doesn't reply, then hours later he ask me where am I?From my past experience, whenever we argue or broke up, he's going to miss me and realize that he need me. Shoud I go abroad leaving my country for a few days? So that we can refresh our relationship? What should I do to stop the passive aggressive behavior he did?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2014): Feelings don't go on and off like a switch. You love me today and we breakup tomorrow. His head is messed-up, and the sudden breakup blindsided him. Now he can't trust you. Once that's lost, you can just call it quits.
You can't turn back the clock, and he changed because he wanted to. I think you're both still teeter-tottering, because the breakup is painful; but he doesn't feel the same. Therefore, he can't treat you the same.
The best thing to do is to let it go for all the reasons you did in the first place. Incompatibility. You felt one way one day, now you feel differently now. He felt one way, now he's not the same. You can't synchronize your feelings. That's what incompatibility is.
Time to grow-up, and move on.
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (29 November 2014):
You can't change him he has to change himself. Tell hihithat the two of you need couples counseling. If you don't try something drastic he's not going to change and your compatibility issues will always be insurmountable.
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