A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been going out with my boyfriend for about 15 months, I really love him, but it seems like lately we fight a lot and its mostly about sex, it is my fault though i don't really want to do it, not because im not attracted to him but becuase once we are doing it, i don't really feel much. i told him that I was going to work on my problem, but it seems like he is getting tired. He doesn't want to spend much time with him, he does't even kiss me anymore, and the worst thing is that i don't feel attractive anymore. he doesn't like to go out with me. so I don't know if I should keep dating him or hope that i can fix my porblem or what should i do to get my relationship back to normal? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): Maybe I spoke in haste. (now that I have read the more intelligent posts by other uncles/aunts)
You too have a duty to try your best in this relationship. You need to talk to your partner and discover together what you both like. Of course he might be feeling sad and rejected and therefore in turn rejects you. Talk to him and find some kind of compromise that you will both like. Try to discover what feels good during sex and what you don't like. Speak up, share your feelings with him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): Is this your first boyfriend, is he the only person that you've had sex with? Is he the same age as you?
If the answer to the questions are yes, then you have a bad lover, who dose not have the knowledge to make you enjoy sex. Of course if you don't enjoy sex then you will try to avoid it. It's not all your fault, what is he doing to turn you on? How come he dosen't take responsiblity for his share of problems in your disaster of a love life?
Not taking you out, not spending time with you. These things are probably making you feel even more inadequate and unattractive. There is no reason for you to feel this way, you've done nothing wrong, he has no right to punish you like this. I don't like your boyfriend. I don't think he is very nice. I think you should finish this relationship and find somebody that treats you with the love and respect you deserve.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): A lot of couples go through sexual problems, and in my opinion your biggest mistake is thinking of it as Your problem that You need to deal with. I have some problems with sex with my boyfriend too, and mostly it's because we're still trying to figure out what positions and movements are best for us. But we work together to figure it out. Your boyfriend will appreciate it if you communicate with him and include him in the process of trying to come up with better ways. It could even be fun if the two of you worked together to come up with more exciting activities to share in the bedroom. And think of it this way - if I was a guy and my girlfriend told me that she didn't feel much when we had sex, and that she wanted to work on the problem by herself, I would feel like I couldn't satisfy her and it would definitely make me feel distant from her. This needs to be something that the two of you solve together, and it will strengthen your relationship if you experience it together.
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A
male
reader, iamthesupreamegod +, writes (10 June 2008):
 How to get things back to normal... hmmm. I guess my answer hinges on what you mean by you don't feel much during sex. Do you mean physicaly or emotionally? So I will outline both.If you mean physicaly: Then maybe you need to learn why you don't feel much. I don't want to make any assumptions about size, so I'm going to guess that it is his technique.... or yours. Think about it. Do you always do the same position? Is he always on top or are you? How deep you let him enter you? The answers to these questions lie with experimentation. Play around with different positions and see if anything gets you going.If you mean emotionaly: Then you may need to reevaluate your relationship. Find out what there is about him that excites you. Try and set up things that you two can do together and learn him again if need be. Get to know each other all over again.Now, I understand that you said that he doesn't really show any interest in you right now, but that may be because he isn't satisfied, not only with the sex, but that he can't satisfy you. Trust me, it gets daunting when everything you try to make your woman happy fails. It can be enough to cause a state of detatchment.As for the part about you not feeling attractive anymore. Conduct this little test: Go into your closet and pick out the outfit that you feel the most beautiful in. Then go do something as simple as grocery shopping. Just subtly keep an eye on how many guys look at you. And remember, a guy will judge attractiveness not only on your looks, but your confidence too. So make sure that when you are squeezing those melons to make sure they are ripe, you are doing it confidently. So once this experiment is over, think about how many guys you caught looking at you. If it is a good number than you know for DAMN sure that you are still attractive. If the number is low.... well here is hoping that the number is not low, cause I am going to assume that you said you don't feel attractive "anymore" that you did at one point. And you probably are an attractive lady to have felt like that.As for the kissing thing... does he just not attemp or does he push you away? If he doesn't attemp, then maybe you should take the inititive. Because sometimes when one person is doing it all then they just feel used. But if he is pushin you away, then he may feel like he doesn't want to get too far only to be disappointed.Now, I want to be clear, I am NOT saying that these examples are what is going on... but only examples to try and convey my point.I have rambled on with this far longer than I intended to. So I will close by saying good luck.
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