A
female
age
41-50,
*eant2bAlone
writes:well i met this guy on line back in march of 2012 and thought he was the cutest guy i ever saw in my life i'll be honest. he lived in harlem n.y and i live in jackson t.n we both connected because we both made music and networked all the time because of it. i use to live in n.y that's my home town as well so just got closer and closer from having things in common. i have kids he has kids. i have more than him tho he only had two. a one year old and 7year old. we talked on the phone every night. everyday it was like we were inseperable, we said we'd fallen inlove and then one thing lead to another. not even realizing no time has passed for real now being only july and all. we said we'd visit and see what happens but then he said he'd bought a one way ticket and since he'd proposed we should start now, he came down in june the 26th the ring was so beautiful. he was so sweet and he tried hard to do a lot for my kids and me. but then i started to get irritated at little things. like he would watch me when i was outside talking to a lady friend of mine. he wouldnt let me walk no where by myself. he got jealous when my kids needed me. he just always had to have me and my attention every second of every day. it was flattering at first but then got annoying because even when i went to tyhe bathroom he's lurking outside the bathroom door asking can he come in too.. i just tried to ignore it because he was nicer to me than anyone in my life!!! he rubbed my back or feet when i didnt feel good he'd carry my bags. buy things for the kids, play with them etc.. and when we made love it was beautiful.. i told him we sholdnt have kids tho cause we just getting started..when i did go to get my next shot for my birth control it was too late. that fast was pregnant. am pregnant. no more than 2or three weeks to be exact. i cried and then my attitude changed even scaring myself. he was happy started saying he knew it and we gon be so happy but all i could think about was( now im really not going to breath, if he attached to me like this now he gon be crazy if i have this baby. i just didnt know how to feel. at first i thought ok i love him, im inlove but then i thought he only 21 and im 34 and this is jusr too fast and too ridiculous.. i tried to think like an adult and tell him we rushed things and we should slow down. he cried got on his knees said without me he'd kill his self etc..it was always like that everytime i tried to explain to him that im not sure if i can deal with all this stress and things going extremely fast..but i kept thinking about all he said and he did leave the state for me, he did give me his life and yea i am wrong for just changing and feeling the way i feel now. and i hated to see him hurt so i would always say ok you right we will be fine we'll work thru it. but why every morning i woke up i hated the fact that i woke up? why i didnt want to touch him or kiss him anymore? all i kept thinking was i had 6kids already now im having another with a person who acts like my 15yr old son..then i thought i was the one who was losing it cuz he's a great, sweet loving and emotional guy. all he did was treat me like a queen but it was the fact how loving are you suppose to be? if i didnt kiss him as soon as i woke up he got mad.. if i didnt let him hug me or touch me he got mad. if i didnt want to watch him work out? he got mad. he'd say what if he walk out the door and die right now how would i feel? i would just smh cuz i felt he so damn dramatic.. then he'd say that he doesnt need anyones opinion on his emotional ways. but yet he couldnt deal with my strong ways. i am independent but he wanted to do everything for me. then he'd say my attitude too hard but to me he's a man he was just too damn sensitive.. he got mad cuz i wanted to do food shopping without him, its just walmart!!! he'd say what is he suppose to do if i go for a walk or make a song!! he'd make me feel guilty for just wanting to sit alone for five minutes.. he just got more and more annoying.. then he'd get into petty arguments with my 14 year old daughter and 15yr old son. id say they're kids!!! get over it. then he'd get mad if i said he was over stepping his boundaries with my kids. then he'd say im taking away my kids from him and how he feel he should be with them. i figured once and for all i need to do something. so i told him i do love him because i DO!!! but that we need to go back to just visiting for a while if we ever really plan on getting married for real. but he wanted to go to the court house now.i said im not ready. he said we already married without the paper.. day in and out it was always something but i felt he right no one love me the way he did or ever did half as much as he has for me or my kids so i am the one wrong!! i really am.. i took for granted his kind heart all because it was too much for me!! but i didnt say i wanted to lose him.. he brung home one night a mini fridge a computer and all types of things.. im like where u get this? he say he just got it..but he stole it from a school or a house not far from me!! i was so upset !!! he said he did it for me!! im like are you crazy have a computer i have a house i have a fridge i have all i need. he says he keeps trying to be the best to make me smile..im like you are crazy to come down here and do something like this and bring it to my house with my kids..what if someone saw you? what about your conscience? what if someone did that to us? he said he feel he deserve it!! cuz life aint never do nun for him and the government is messed up and etc... my face just fell like who are you to think you deserve anything free? who are you to take from another? and he got mad said i should have his back and im over reacting like he shot somebody!! i started to lose the way i felt for him even more. then he got mad left all night called me saying (baby? i miss you, im sorry) ofcourse i let him in he was in the tate with me i cant just abandon him!! but the days past and he took the things back well some things.. i couldnt get pass the fact he just did that and came back to my house handing my kids stolen things not even saying nothing to me..but i let it pass..he said everyone makes mistakes and all he does is try and i always get mad at him cuz i want him to leave.. but that wasnt true. i did want him, i did want to spend time with him but it was too much too soon. so the night before yesterday we took a long walk he said he dnt wanna leave and that we are going to be fine and we just have to learn each other. he looked at me with those eyes and i felt no one will ever love me this much he just was all over me and i said ok..i told him we both have to work on us..cuz my attitude is quick and he acts childish and we clash.. so we go home make love etc.. but i still tell him i cant have this baby so we should go half on an abortion.. then we go to the store him, me and my daughter and he says to my daughter you have more body than beyonce..she takes offense(14) she is,, and says leave me alone..thats because she's insecure about her weight but he says that was a compliment then she says just stop..then he gets mad and loud in the store saying( zip it up if u dnt like compliments oh well put it in ya pocket im tired of talking to you etc...)....to me it was just retarded.. im embarassed in the store i pull him aside to tell him that was unnecessary and he says he's tired of her always having something to say..im like she's 14!!!he apologizes.. they're fine but me still irritated.. i try to not be but i am.. then when we get home i saw myself distance myself the rest of the night because i just didnt like how i felt. he was in the kitchen trying to be noticed, laughing real loud when he the only one in the kitchen , talking to himself etc.. i just shook my head.. and went to bed not even with him. for the past week it was just me sleeping in another room cuz he got to me so bad. he blamed me when my kids wouldnt go to sleep and we was making love and had to stop. the next day he hugs me and says(next time make sure its at the right time, cuz its my job to take care of his sexual needs) i almost slapped the shit out of him but i just walked away and he followed me three blocks laughing at me for getting mad..then argued with me in the street about it.. i kept telling him leave me alone!! thats just some incidents of why i felt we should slow down. but i kept letting things slide cuz he was the nicest at most times and no one ever was that nice to me or wanted to be around me so much or call me beautiful so much or write me make songs poems etc so much in my life!!! i had to be ungrateful!!! and mess it all up.. so yesterday morning i get up and tell him i have to make music for this mixtape and i need time alone to focus. i tell him take a shower cuz the bathrooms free now.. he says he's writing right now so i tell him ok no problem. and then my daughter said she needed to take her shower so i told her she can get the bathroom since he's not ready!! (he's rightt next to us ok he heard me clearly) she goes down stairs to get her stuff and when she come back up he's in the shower!!! smh 15minutes later im like really? why do you have to be such an asshole all the time?? he sits there like (what are u talking about with this face like he's getting a kick out of it and my reaction.. i just get so mad and say u are so childish and i cant take it..he then says sorry to my daughter saying he didnt know..even she looks at him like whats wrong with him.. so he says would i like to go for a walk i say yes why not..because i felt he trying.. so i go do my hair and ask? is there any particular reason why we going for a walk? he says (well fine if you dont wanna go then dont ill put onmy shoes and get to trooping myself)))) me and my daughter looking at him like (whoa) i just asked a question to know if we were going to talk or sit in the park or etc.. he says u act like you dnt wanna go anyway...i said i was busy doing my music but i stopped what i was doing to do my hair and go with you so how is that acting like i dnt wanna go? then before i know it we arguing about that like crazy people..im no saint i admit i got really really upset not even sure why no more but he kept laughing at me and felt he was taunting me .. saying why am i getting so mad just smirking at me... and i started to feel crazy like why do he get mad and when i get mad he turn it on me like he never was mad at the beginning and it was me all along!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so he grab me and say you dnt have to act like that i just said get off me..he say do u wanna go for a walk in the park all i could see was red.. i said get off me and leave me alone now u go for a long ass walk and dnt come back til later cuz i am going crazy,,im thinking he'll go for his walk cool off ill cool off etc.. but like a hour later he walks in the kitchen while im recording music and touches my neck softly then when i turn around he's gone..i kept recording thinking he upstairs.. then my 10 year old son says that my so called fiance/boyfriend said he left money for me on the table.. im like what do i need money for.. then my daughter says (he left!! im like what do u mean he left..she said he came in the living room told my 4.5 and 6 year old bye told my 10 year old be good and told my daughter he love them and he left,, didnt even say a word to me!!!i get up and go upstairs and all his stuff gone except small pics and he left 160dollars on the table..no note no nothing.. i didnt know what or how to feel except humiliated and abandoned!! is this 160 dollars for my abortion thats not even half enough!!! and i sure dont have the money and did i really deserve the way he left!! why when i talked like an adult about slowing down and etc he cried and cried to get me to reconsider and then walk out on me the way he did..and to do that to the kids in that way and just go back to n.y with no word.. all day i just sat there in a shock!! like what to do, call him and say what, chase him down where? i dnt know if im hurt because im still in shock and im angry and i feel so many things i cant define but my stomach is so tight and im mad at myself at him and its all my fault.. if id a just shut up and let him be sweet and be on me all the time he wouldnt of left like that..i deserved it, i think.. i still have the 1,000 ring he gave me but i put it back in the box and put it away in a closet cause i cant look at it.. i just want advice not sure on what but im lost and very choked up but refuse to cry can anyone lend a voice and yes i know its my fault and im too blame
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abortion, fiance, insecure, jealous, money, says he's tired Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 July 2012):
 I could not even read the whole thing. After the first two paragraphs I skipped ahead... it was too painful for me to read.
He left. Be happy. He could have stayed and leached on to you.
He's not mature enough to be in an adult relationship. He's not stable or adult.
Take the money he gave you... sell the ring he gave you and go get that abortion if you want it....
It's NOT your fault and you are so much better off without this child in your face...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2012): He was a wolf in sheep's clothing. A lesser woman, a weaker woman would fall for his act. He is a manipulator. He is emotionally abusive. He is looking for a woman to take care of him. He wants to control her. You have too much pride to play his game...that is why he left.If you call him, he will win. You cannot let him back into your life. Change your locks and make sure all your doors and windows are locked before you go anywhere. If any stolen items are still in your house, please get rid of them (and don't throw them out with the trash in plain sight or you could get in trouble).Are you sure the ring is worth $1,000? Are you sure he bought it, or acquired it legally...or could he have stolen that too?He wasn't being nice to you...he was grooming you to do what he wanted you to. His behavior, actions, and words are eerily similar to the behavior, actions, and words a child predator uses to gain the trust of an innocent child before doing unspeakable things. Don't let him prey on you and your family. Please, don't talk to him ever again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2012): You do not belong with this man (boy) . The two of you are toxic together, he is too young and immature and you just want someone to be with. The most mature thing he did was leave and it was also the most irresponsible thing since hge is the father of this child. Please, stop having babies and hooking up with the wrong men just to be with someone.
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A
female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (20 July 2012):
 I read this whole thing and at some instances I just cringed!Why on earth would you tolerate this for soooo long??why??He sounds like a 21 year old immature guy and the reason he left his place and came to you shows how irresponsible and how super quick it is for him to decide about life!he seems like he has no care in thw world..he's' possessive' NO not possessive,he's just getting obsessed with you,having you as his girlfriend,the mother of his child has become his life's goal..knowing he's not earnirng enough to support you he wanted the kid,has even sat u down and decided how you'l are goin to handle taking care of the kid?considering you olready have childre..he's 21 for god sakes he's just growing up for him everything and anything is a joje,something he woul think he could manage but when the time comes just walk away!Your kids needs a better role model to look up to,listening to you two fight how is it goin to affect your kids,him passing such comments on your daughters knowing she is a kid speaks volumes about how immature he is..And I knw for a thing you know what he was doing is wrong,you just want people to tell you ur not wrong for that sense of satisfaction for that guilt you have you that may be what I did to this guy was wrong..can I tell you if that's what you want to hear and what I feel is right is that I see no fault of urs in this other than the fact of letting a 21 year old move so quickly into your house where you have kids growing up!your house should be sacred to your kids,its now they learn about life and growing up in a house with a crazy 21 year old doesn't help..And watching you?restricting you and wanting to join you even if you go to the bathroom?come on now give me a break..isn't it suffocating..when I was reading your post I thought to myself before I reached the end bit,it will be very hard for this woman to get the guy out of her house he seems crazy and when I came to the end of your post and I read that he left ur house I was releived for you..you don't deserve this,so please stop saying he loved he cared,may be he did but that's not the way of showing it at all!!!!!Please make a wise decisionGood luck x
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