A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are in college and have been going out for two months. My boyfriend and I have talked about the future and such, and now he wants to propose to me. I told me I didn't want him to propose yet because we are only eighteen, in our first year of college and cannot know what the future will bring. I know that at eighteen things will change a lot and also I have only known him for about three months in total. Although we love each other and what not, I am not ready to commit to a promise I may have to change. Also, as we are so young I don't see a rush to get married or engaged. Now he seems to feel that I am ashamed of the fact that he wants to purpose to me. He looked for advice and received it. So have I, but everyone tells me the choice is up to me. I feel I am hurting my boyfriend now by making him wait. His family has a history of marrying young and also he is afraid he will lose me. My question is what should I do now that I have told him I don't want him to propose? How long should I wait to allow him to propose? I am one of those people who will never be fully sure, but I'm afraid to make a mistake I will regret. Also, do you support my decision or do you agree with my boyfriend?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just wanted to add in that he is respectful of my choice. He told me so and made it clear that he respects it, and from past choices we have made I know he will make it is mission to not go against what I really want. I will not be leaving him as of now as I have no interest in doing so and will not allow him to manipulate me into making a choice I do not want. Thanks for supporting me though and for the warnings and whatnot.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): do what your intuition is telling you. Don't get engaged. Your bf should respect your wishes if he loves you. You're right, you're only eighteen. Don't let him pressure you into this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): Be young, happy and forget about marriage and commitments you are CLEARLY NOT READY AND NOT INTERESTED in keeping.
You are being manipulated by your boyfriend. There's no time limit no pressure and no reason to get engaged with this boy and you owe him nothing. You spoke already and you must keep your word and be firm about it. If he doesn't respect what you feel he doesn't respect you period. That's the kind of man you want to be engaged and married to?
It's your life and you don't have to make nobody happy making efforts or sacrifices you don't want to make. Never ever let anybody make decisions for you.
This boy has a very low self esteem and needs to take this step to feel better about himself. That's a sure sign of a future dysfunctional marriage that I ASURE YOU you WILL NOT enjoy. Let him think whatever he wants to think about your decision of not wanting to get engaged. So you have to ruin the rest of your life because he thinks you feel ashamed of him? What an idiot! What a manipulative idiot! RED FLAG!!
It doesn't matter how pretty, nurturing,romantic he is and how precious your relationship has been. The worst and most abusive marriages usually start like this: extremely fast.
It seems to me you are very clear in your thoughts and wants but are vulnerable to the pressure of your boyfriend and to his manipulative ways. I say leave him and run.
I'm in my early thirties and never have gotten married by choice and I'm glad I haven't. Every day I say God Thanks you didn't let me fall into it. At my age I have not seen a soul that is married and happier than I. Some friends even tell me: Don't get married you are not missing on anything.
Girl, when the right boy comes along at the right time for you (25 yrs. 21 yrs. 33 yrs. 37yrs.) you'll know it. Enjoy your college years that are the best years of your life and enjoy them being free of commitments. Meet different guys with different personalities. That way you'll get to know what you want or don't want in your future husband.
Meet new people, go to concerts, buy new clothes, laugh with friends, get involved in college activities/clubs, get good grades, party, etc. But please say goodbye to that bf of yours who's lost in space and just wants to please his parents at your expense by doing what they did (those were other times)
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