A
female
age
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*endygbg
writes:My husband is 52 yrs old and i am 44 yrs old, we got married 9 yrs ago. For the past few yrs. I have noticed his sex drive has decreased. We used to be intimate twice a week and now is once or twice a month. As a women I take care of myself and always try to look my best, not only for my husband but also for myself. When we got married my weight was 108 lbs. and now I weight 130. I am 4"11 and it shows. My weight gain due to high stress (job) and my age (hormonal)I do light exercise 2 to 3 times a week, but does not help much. I ask him if he is turned off by my appearance, but he says is his age. He is a high spiritual man and know for a fact an extracuriculum activity (an affair) is out of the question. We have a great relationship, we are in-love with each other but we are lacking intimacy, which makes me feel very unattractive (which I Know, even though it sounds conceited I am not,-I still get looks from other men-) Please Help, Thank You
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2008): great that you organized a weekend alone but id say he is just very tired from work. does he work long hours or very hard at his job? remember to try and put yourself in his shoes. imagine if you were really tired from work and couldnt be bothered initiating intimacy. this may not be the case but be understanding
A
female
reader, wendygbg +, writes (25 October 2008):
wendygbg is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I asked him once more about our situation and he tells me that he is tired and he is not as sexual as he used to be. We have tried to go away on a short weekend trip, to be alone and everyting goes well, but once we are back in the trenches (work) he won't touch me for another 3 or 4 weeks, unless I initiated. We just had a day off the other day; we went to breakfast, to the movies, to dinner and had wonderful communication and I thought to myself this is it, is going to end being intimate, not! he fell asleep. Even though I tried not to put it on me and he tells me is not because the way I look, his actions speak louder. I don't want to dwell on it, but I feel sad. By the way I am sorry, I should have mentioned it first, I thank you all for your input.
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A
male
reader, Marriedtwokids  +, writes (25 October 2008):
It just sounds like he is getting older and the decline is just a natural progression. Its not like he's suddenly stopped. Give the guy a break, he's told you himself its nothing to do with your weight gain and its down to age - he is 55 and not 25!
I know its no answer but plenty of younger married couples survive on a let less. Remember that you are broadly speaking close to your sexual peak, and he has been on a long steady decline since he was a teenager!
If it had stopped completely or abruptly I would be more concerned, but you say its been over a number of years. Still, I would ask him to get checked out medically, but would suggest you sell it to him as a "general" check up rather than "your not performing so get yourself checked out"!
There is also lots of suggestions on "spicing it up", but I think the key is communication. Having said that, this is one of those areas where men can often be hypersensitive to perceived criticism: you have to be very careful that in raising this you do not make him feel a failure in this department, as this is not going to help him perform better in the future.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Sandman +, writes (23 October 2008):
 Well, the first thing you need to do is remove the feeling that the issue is with you. You have nothing by which to go by in determining that the waning sex drive has anything to do with you. That is an unfair burden to place on yourself so stop that thinking right away. It is self destructive.
Talk to your husband. It could be ANY NUMBER of things! Is he suddenly starting to experience issues with erectile dysfunction, stress (job related or personal), finance issues (he wouldn't be alone - most of America is stress about the economy) - the list goes on and on. But again, if he has already told you that isn't you, then believe him. If he says it is his age, find out WHAT about his age is causing the waning sexual desire. Is it a midlife crisis?
But do NOT discredit the fact that he could be having an affair. I understand that you trust and believe he is not - but he is human and subject to human failures and mistakes. I too am a highly spiritual man, but I understand the battle of spirit and flesh too. I am not telling you his is having an affair, I am telling you that it is possible among even the most spiritual men and women.
The bottom line is: talk to your husband and get to the root of the problem before it is too late. Like I said, find out what he believes the problem is. If he gives you something definitive, then working together, find out how you can overcome this issue with a workable solution.
Hope this helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): ask him if he would like to spice things up eg. new places, outfits, styles etc. maybe that could help? ask him if that would help.
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