A
female
age
36-40,
*ittlediva
writes:7 months ago the love of my life left me after 4 years together. We were just a couple of kids when we met, I'm 21 now but I was only 16 when we met he was 17, we grew up together you could say and were like two peas in a pod, completely inseparable. I never thought I'd have a life without him in it so the day he left with no explanation was possibly the worst day of my life, I had to go on sleeping tablets, I lost around a stone in weight in a few weeks and felt terribly ill. It didn't help matters that I had heard through the grapevine that he was seeing a girl we both briefly knew behind my back and they were now together, despite us being apart initially he did still call every week to check how I was but it didn't touch him hearing how upset I was and what he'd put me through, after a couple of weeks I seen him out in a nightclub with the girl in question and it was apparent they were together, whether there is any truth in it that they were seeing each other behind my back is irrelevant now because he had seemingly moved on within a couple of weeks after telling me for 4years he would never love anyone else. For the next two months following I spiraled into a deep depression and maybe got involved with a couple of men which on reflection were so wrong for me, I was just looking for someone to replace the love I had lost with my ex and was abusing my morals in the process, this is something I deeply regret now. Then one day out of the blue about 4 months ago he called, at first the conversations were very brief with him saying he still thought about me and always wondered how I was. As days turned into weeks the conversations became daily and it came to the point when he was saying he still loved me and felt like he'd thrown away the best thing he'd ever had, I had never been with anyone before him and the girl he left me for had been around the block you could say. As the weeks drew on my 21st birthday came along, at 7am that morning he turned up on my doorstep with a card and a present, we sat and spoke for a couple of hours and I broke down crying saying I still loved him and I just couldnt move on no matter how hard I tried, he said he knew I was the one for him and that I was the love of his life and he wished he could change the past but it wasnt the right time for us to get back together because of the mess he had got himself into, tears were cried on both sides and for once I felt that maybe he did truely regret what he had done.As the summer drew to a close we were still talking on the phone several times a week, although his gf didnt know about it. They had booked a holiday shortly after getting together and were due to go away, he came to see me again the day he was going to leave and said when he came back he knew he had to finish with her and wanted nothing more than for me to give him another chance, despite my friends telling me that if this was the case then he would leave her on the spot and forget the holiday I gave him the benefit of the doubt because I loved him and I just wanted him back despite everything he had done. After he came back it took him another 2 weeks to finally finish with her, we had started seeing each other again and were taking things slow but i felt like he wasn't back 100%, it just wasnt the same. She even followed him one night and caught us together by his house but he denied to her that we were back together, this hurt me but I accepted it was his way of sparing her feelings as he had just broken up with her. 3 days ago I was involved in a car crash calling him to come down to the scene was the first thought that entered my mind and he did, he sorted everything out for me, rang the insurance companies and took me out for dinner to make me feel better. when he dropped me back home we sat in the car and out of the blue he said he doesnt know if splitting up with the other girl was the right thing to do, he said he loved me but he just didn't want a relationship with anyone right now. I stormed out the car and rang him a couple of hours later, I was hysterical on the phone asking how after everything he had put me through, after months of him promising we would be together again, stringing me along, hoping and praying he'd come back, then to end it again after a couple of weeks to go back to her (more than likely)... he just said, "you'll be alright". That night I cleared out everything of his which is something I never had the strength to do, photos, teddies, letter, jewelry, presents, everything. Hes rang me twice yesterday but I ignored the call and cancelled it both times, I don't even want to hear his explanation it put myself through this for a moment longer. I just feel like such a fool to have waited 7months to be let down all over again. I just don't know how I'll ever get over him or move on and find someone else. I just feel like there is no where to go for me now, I've never known any different to him and right now it just seems that I'll never be happy. I've come on here for some advise on what I should do next and steps I can take on finally moving on and never looking back. Thank you in advance x
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female
reader, littlediva +, writes (12 February 2010):
littlediva is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hi guys I took your advice haven't seem or spoken to him for a year now. He is marrying that girl! I've met someone else now though been together 6months, hes absolutely gorgeous, caring, thoughful, good morals, trustworthy and a good career. everything Ive always wanted! i still think about my ex which I've posted a new question about but I'd never ever ever consider taking him back now! thank you all so much, time really is the greatest healer of all, and god xxx
A
female
reader, paigedylan  +, writes (4 December 2008):
 Be kind to yourself.. treat yourself to a good spa treatment, a new hairstyle and go shopping for new clothes. Write your feelings down, it helps a lot (that's why this forum is like a therapy for most of us). Go out with friends who really care about you. Avoid going on dates, at least for a good period of time until you've sorted out your feelings.
Watch comedies, go to a stand up comedy club. Treat yourself to a holiday with your best girlfriends. Avoid liquor as much as possible.
Bond with your mom or your closest sisters/friends. Buy a dog or a cat or even a goldfish. Put all your nurturing energies to your pets..
There are so many things you can do to take your mind off your situation. Soon, you'll just wake up one day and realize your happiness is more important that someone else's.
It's a journey that once you've completed makes you feel wiser and more complete.
Pray, if you haven't tried that.. pray a lot.
I hope this post helps. I've used these tips over and over and they worked for me.
Good luck and keep us posted!
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (4 December 2008):
 Sorry to say this but there is no easy way to move on! I think what you need to do is take some time to discover yourself and find out who you are. You were very young when you got together with your ex and as you have said, your whole life has been with him so it will be very hard for you at first to get used to being on your own.
My advice for you is to spend lots of time with friends and family, get involved with hobbies that you once loved or that you have always wanted to do but never had the chance. Keeping busy is a great way to help with moving on, the worst times are when you are alone in the house at night. So surround yourself with people and activities that make you happy and that will keep your mind off your ex.
Time will help eventually, and you need to try not to speak to him for a good few months just to give yourself the distance and time to get your thoughts together. It sounds like he is probably thinking he got with you when he was too young and wants to see what else is out there, dont let yourself be the backup plan to him while he goes out there and finds out if the grass is actually greener on the other side!
I bet he will find out that actually, he had it better with you and will come crawling back, but by then hopefully you will have your new life and you will be happier than ever, so he can see that you dont need him and that he messed up big time!
You deserve better than him, stay strong and just keep believing that it will get better soon!
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (4 December 2008):
 Huni what he put you through was terrble and although it does not feel like it now but you WILL get through this you will be happy again and find someone who loves you as much as you love him.
He broke up with you to go out with another girl who he may or may not have been seeing behind your back, when he was bored of her he went back to you and now he is bored of you again he is going back to her. This man does not know what he wants and does not seem to care that he is hurting people around him you deserve so much better.
I know you feel bad now trust me ive had a broken heart before and i know how hard it is and how it feels like you will never love anyone as much as you love him. But eventually those feelings go and you sometimes wonder why you ever cared so much to begin with.
Take your time to grieve your loss but do not waste your tears on him you are better then that and you deserve better then him.
Throw everything away that reminds you off him deltet his number and ignore his calls do not get sucked back into him saying he loves you (i doubt he even knows what that word means) go out with your friends and enjoy yourself dont waste anymore tears or time on this guy who twice broke your heart he has had his chance now let him go.
Take time for you to concentrate on yourself forget about him and everything else concentrate on you and having some fun with your mates he is not worth the pain.
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