A
female
age
41-50,
*roubledjess
writes:i and my husband lived together 5 years, before we married, i met a guy in Italy and had 2 ONS together. i told my husband this before we married, for him it's something definitely immoral and he disgusts about, but he still love me and be with me after that.during the following years, i admit i have a special feeling about that country because i had some good memory in my childhood, not because that guy. so i often express how good that country is and how much i want to go there. i also studied that language for years.my husband feeled disgusted everytime i did those, so he forbid me to go there anymore and stopped me to learn that language anymore. because i love him, and i think i have some responsibility for making him feel so disgusting about that country, so i give up that language and the freedom to go there.last week, because i record a italian movie on disc without telling my husband, he became angry and we had a fight, after that, he told me he is very disgusted about me and that country connect together, so he forbid me to watch any italian movie or TVs in front of him.i don't know if i did something really wrong from the beginning until now, which made him so angry and disgusted, but i do feel i give up too much because of him, and now he wants me to give up everything related to that country, even watch a TV, i feel i have no freedom at all.he said as long as i'm with him, forget about everything related to italy.i don't want to leave him because of that country, there's nothing comparable between them. but i just feel so bad and unfair to accept what he said, it makes me feel i'm not respected.should i understand him about how he feel disgusting about that country? or i should stand up for myself for some reason?i really confused, please help.also, he had a korean gf before me, as long as he forbid me so much about italy, i began to feel uncomfortable to watch korean thing with him, and i ask him to do the same thing about korean thing. he said there's nothing similar, he didn't insult me with korean thing, so he can watch whatever he wants.is it fair? what should i do?please help~~ Reply to this Question
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female
reader, troubledjess +, writes (10 May 2010):
troubledjess is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks everybody, i'm trying hard to stand up!
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (8 May 2010):
 That is mental and emotional abuse. You need to stand up for your rights and do not let him encroached into your space.
If you don't stand up to him , you will eventually lose all your will and become his slave.He will respect you more when you stand up to him.
Enough is enough!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 May 2010):
 Push ups ? Punishments ?
This kind of things does not belong to a healthy relationship.
See if you can convince your husband to go with you to see a marriage counselor and work on his control issues.
But if you can't,perhaps it's time to separate your ways.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, troubledjess +, writes (6 May 2010):
troubledjess is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks every one, you all are right, my husband can't ban everything related to that country, such as food and luxuries.
i love him so that's why i give up so much for him because his disgusting feelings about that country and me...
but now i'm really angry because he's asking more and more, and he blame me for making him feeling so disgusting and angry, so i should be forbided more...
for example:
years ago i was chatting with some italian friends online and left my husband online for 40 mins
i used to ask him to go italy because it's romantic
i used to express how good that country is and if he says no i'd be angry and furious
i admit i did those stupid things before, but should i be banned because of those reasons?
also everytime i did those stupid things and made him angry, i'd appology to him and even get punished, such as doing push-ups or cook for him
but he said,appology and punishment will only make him calm and not that angry, but disgusting feeling is still there and strong, and everytime i did more stupid things, he feels more disgusted...
is he reasonable?
should i understand him and ban those things to please him?
or i should stand for myself and let him stop or go?
thanks~~~
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (4 May 2010):
As an Italian, I would be curious to know if the ban on all things Italian is being enforced to his full extent.
Are you allowed to see pictures of the Colosseum or of the Sixtine Chapel ? Would you be permitted to eat pizza,or spaghetti ? To wear Gucci or Prada shoes ? To listen to Pavarotti CDs ?....
I am afraid your husband will have trouble to get you totally deItalianized even in faraway Australia. Let's hope he'll understand soon it would be an endless task, and he gives up
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