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female
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anonymous
writes: I have gotten myself into a very bad situation that is going to hurt my husband beyond belief if I follow through with what I want to do. We have been together since we were 15 (18 years now). I moved from UK to Australia to be with him which left me very lonely. I am a very shy, reserved person who finds it hard to speak my mind and defend myself. My husband is a lovely guy most of the time but also has another side to his personality that only a few people have ever seen and that no-one who hasn't seen it would believe he was capable of. He gets into the worst moods. He can go for days without speaking for no reason and then suddenly start again as if nothing happened. At the same time he is utterly dependant on me and acts like he can't cope when I'm not around. Also used to be violent towards me but hasn't laid a hand on me in about 8 years now but will still smash holes in the walls. Most of the time he is a nice caring man. The upshot of all this is I've spent 18 years walking on eggshells. I don't think the marriage would have lasted 2 years if still in UK but I had nowhere to go if I left and just got used to the situation.For the last 10 years husband has been working for a man I'll call Dave. I never really liked him, thought he was arragant and thoughtless. Husband and Dave became very good friends. About 2 years ago Daves wife left him. He went to pieces and we spent a lot of time with him helping him sort himself out. I saw another side to him and we became good friends. 12 months ago we had a drunken kiss at a party which we ignored but the tension started. About 2 months ago we kissed again and basically started to fall in love. He is all I think about and he says the same to me. We hang out as much as possible talking, laughing, kissing, cuddling but have never had sex due to problems with his quite severe diabetes. I have never felt so relaxed and completely myself around anyone in my life which is such a relief after constantly being on the watch for my husbands moods.I am 90% sure I want to be with Dave. He says he wants to be with me. He and my husband are still friends and husband still works for him. We don't want to hurt him, and it will be bad ( his wife, kids, job). I don't think he has any idea that anything has changed, except he has been exceptionally nice the last few months. Any advice? I don't know if I have the nerve to leave or if I will put up with this life I hate. Dave suggested I leave and get my own place for 3 months then we start dating. He thinks this will be easier on husband, I don't think he's that gullible. Sorry this was so long, needed to get it off my chest, I can't trust anyone I know with this.thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2005): Have you discussed you marriage feelings with your husband? It takes two to ruin a marriage. One to cause the problems and one to ignore the problems. It also takes two to fix the marriage. You don't mention childern, which makes a "breakup" easier. You have been with your husband a long time and at such a young age. As women, when we age we mature, and our desires and needs change. You need to do something for youself. You need a change. Leave both men. Set yourself up in another city, not forwarding your contact info to either man.You can't have one without losing the other, these men know each other and have a friendship of their own. Provide a life for yourself that you are happy with, love and pamper yourself. Love will find you and provide your desires. If either man is the one for you, then he will return in your live without you finding him first. Take a seperation from both men and see how you feel about that seperation. Chances are, you will surprise yourself at how strong, powerful and beautiful you really are. Inner love brings outer love.
Good Luck with what ever path you choose in life. Each and every one of us have a certain number of days that we are allowed to be alive, live them to the fullest and your life will be full. It's not the amount of breaths we take, it's the amount of times that take our breath away that make life worth living.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2005): You cant spent your life with someone walking on egg shells worried what mood they are going to be in next..you also cant stay with him just because you dont know if you can bring yourself you leave him because its all you know..same time i dont think you should leave one and jump in with another..leave your husbband for yourself no-one else and make it on your own..if after this you still want to be with dave and he wants you then spend some time together and take things slow you dont want to mess with any feelings over something that might just be you thinking you want someone just because your home life is so hard right now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2005): this was my question, not sure if i'm supposed to add to it but seem to be doing lots of things i shouldn't at the moment so here goes! do we tell husband the truth straight away bearing inmind he works for Dave and will probably walk out on his job of ten years. Or do i leave and then in a couple of months dave and i annonunce we are dating. I don't see anyone falling for that. Any other advise or ideas?? Faking my own death is looking quite good at the moment LOL
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A
female
reader, sexseahot  +, writes (17 October 2005):
 Nobody deserves to be unhappy or "walking on eggshells". That's no way to live. If you are unhappy, then take that step to leave your husband and find yourself a new life. One you will be happy in.
If you 90% sure you want to be with "Dave", then go for it.
Leave your husband already. There seems to be no reason for you to be with him and your also cheating on him. What's the point? It'd probably be better to just be on your own and if you and "Dave" would like to start a life together, then do so. Just be sure this is exactly what YOU want and make sure leaving your husband won't leave you with regret in the end.
Good Luck on choosing whatever your choice is!
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