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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been married for less than a year. My husband and I share the same cell phone invoice. A couple of months ago, I was going over it, and I noticed that several incoming and outgoing calls, some for up to 40 minutes were beeing made to the same phone number. I was so upset that I just went ahead and asked him what was going on. By this time I had figured out that it was a girl from work. He had been driving her to work and from work a few times a week for the last 2 months. About 1 1/2 week before all of this happened, I had asked him what they all talked about on the more than an hour drive. He said that they did not really talked. Well of course by now, I was even more enraged by this new found lie. Obviously, they had talked on the phone, and for sure during the several drives to and from work. My husband had gone out of his way to go and pick her up at home and drive back after work several times of which I was unaware. We are talking 15 miles, 40 minutes the opposite direction one way every time, even though other co-workers where driving by her house and wondered why my husband offered all the time. Off course when I confronted him, he couldn't denie it. A couple of days before that, he said he was going out with the guys from work because they said he just had to go and check out the band. I couldn't go because we have a small infant. I was upset, somehow I felt something wasn't right. I asked him when he would be back and were he was going. He got defensive. I said to him that everybody else but his wife seem to have a right to know but me. He did tell me where but he rebuted " I don't know when I am coming back, I might go and hang out with the boys" Well sure enough, 4am comes around and no husband in sight. I called his cell phone 3 times and finally about 30 minutes later he showed up at the house all nasty. Never told me who he was with. I found out that on that evening he had pick up the so called co-worker and went to the bar and met with one guy from work who ended up leaving the bar earlier. My husband and the co-worker left toqether. So from 12:30 am when he left me to 4:15am When I saw him again, I have no idea what happened. Of course, I confronted him with all of this, and he said she was just a friend, and that she listened to him when he talked. My husband never really tries to communicate with me, because if you ask anyone that knows me, they will tell you that I am a very understanding person. I know that I am a lot wiser by almost 18 years than that girl. Therefore, if my husband really wanted someone to be honest and offer wise and back by true lifetime experience, he would of communicated with me. But it would seem that he wanted a yes women. Someone that acted cute and stupid and said you are so right and so intelligent, please drive me around and kiss my ass, and fuck you to your wife your kid and your family. He said that nothing happened between them. That he would not jepordize our relationship especially for some girl that was leaving. He also said that she was just a friend. I told him that it was a lie, because we do not hide our friends from our wife. We certainly do not make and receive over 40 phone calls on our cell phone only from another women without our wife knowing, and having over 200 minutes in 1 month, for more than 2 months. I'm just angry for trusting him. Since then, I have had a hard time moving on. She no longer works with him but did for 2 months after the discovery of events. I did have a conversation with her, but she lack respect for our family relationship even after. My husband obviously did not make it clear to her that we were more important. Even on her last day in this country, she tried to communicate with my husband on his cell phone. I am having a hard time letting go of this breach of trust. I don't feel that my husband is telling me everything. He swears on our child that I am the only woman he has been with since we have met. But somehow, all of this makes no sense to me, unless something happened between them. How can I get to where I can trust him again?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): Oh my god - reading your posting sent shivers down my spine I had a very similar experience- she has since left the country too!!! I beleive they may not have been having a sexual relationship but I beleive it could have got close! When I confronted her she backed off somewhat. Fine- you expect your spouse to chat whilst at work and to occasinally go for a drink with workmates. What made me cross was she wanted to meet my child!! "Ok" I said "invite her round if she really is your friend she won't mind meeting me". The relationship diminished shortly afterwards. I sincerly doubted her intentions- but calm confrontation seemed to work!! However she still sends him a Christmas card!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2005): Sometimes no matter how understanding your partner is we just need to talk to someone that isnt our partner someone that knows nothing and can sit mutual..i know at times ive found talking to someone of the opposite sex other than my boyfriend about life relationship problems etc has been really helpful because that person you are talking to isnt involved in your life the way you are in your husbands.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2005): If you thnk yuor husband is cheating on you.....you're probally right. Always believe a womens intuition
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