A
male
age
30-35,
*manmcc
writes:So me and my now Ex girlfriend previously were dating for 8 years. I am 22 now. Ya i know thats crazy weve been together since we were 14. we are both eachothers first real relationship and first sex partners as well. Anyways I am not trying to toot my own horn but i am very intelligent, id say average to a bit above average looking, extremely laid back, moral, funny and loving. the kinda guy that gets along with everyone. now my ex is also an amazing catch she is absolutely beautiful, is extremely loving(well was:()also very moral, and smart. our sex life was amazing for both of us i know this because when your with someone for 8 years u start to just know things about them, finish their sentences know what they are thinking, seems kinda crazy but its true. You get the picture we were an awsome couple seemed meant for eachother and deserved eachother. heres where the problems start a bit...a couple years ago i started having a crush on someone from my work i never acted upon my feelings because i still loved my girlfriend indescribably so i kept it a secret so she wouldnt get hurt. i tried braking up with her 3 times within that year so i could start to approach the girl i had a crush on but i said it was because we had only ever dated eachother and we need to see what life had to offer but i would always take her back the next day cus i would realize how much i loved her and that this other girl is just me being a dumb horney guy thats only been with 1 girl. so i got over this phase of not being sure about our relationship simply through thinking it through intensly for pretty much 6 months. After all that i actually can say i love this girl and noone else and i want to marry her and have her kids and be with her till the end. Now about 2 months ago this happened to her pretty much the exact same situation except i got it out of her that she has a crush on someone else. I was just crushed beyond explaination. Very shortly after she broke up with me for about a week for this crush she had then aparently realized that she wanted me back. we were back for 2 days then i get a text that she needs to be alone again...that night she had danced and kissed and cuddled this guy she has a crush on, no sex but i was still crushed. there were some reasons she said she didnt want to be with me that i fixed as soon as i was aware of them. these things being i didnt do special things for her enough tell her shes loved and pretty. So i honestly fixed these things and everything seemed good for a week i didnt relapse to my old ways( she said this even) but i started getting depressed. Like really depressed wondering if i could trust if she would be with me forever. She tried Sooo hard to make me feel loved and appreciated but for some reason i didnt believe her because of these vibes i was getting from her. Call it intuition, so about 3 weeks of me thinking i had very low self esteem. It turns out i was right for thinking these things cus she then admits she still has feelings for this other guy. Now we are broken up and its only been 3 days i am missing her like crazy just hoping she will realize that we are meant for eachother. This other guy is seriously a player and i cant believe she is being so silly. Now the fact that this has happened to me makes me understand how she feels. Therefore i am not angry at her. just disappointed she couldnt work it out in her mind like i did. This breakup is very serious tho. we lived together and our lease is still on for 3 months i have started moving out to make the situation more real/its really hard to be around her knowing she may never come back to me. Now that u have the backround info heres the question. i think we have a very good chance of getting back together but the fact that it might not happen is killing me.i know life would go on but she is my ideal partner and there will never be another her, maybe someone else very similer but not her. so i want to know do you think its better to keep her knowing i want her back and that she has that option or should i try being distant for a while and let her figure things out for herself. The one reason this scares me is i dont want her to think i am moving on and that she doesnt have a chance to get me back. one more thing how do i treat this breakup? should i try to go out and date other people because thats what shes doing and incase she doesnt come back maybe it wont hurt so much if i try to move on now other than wait for her? also theres a very good chance even if she does come back that this guy will still be around her even if she doesnt mean him to because he is a friend of her family that hangs out with her best friend/neice's boyfriend and i will obviously not be able to handle that but theres not much i can do i cant take her away from her family cus hes around them all the time. im so confused on what to do :( plz help[Mod note: paragraph breaks added to aid in reading the post.]
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best friend, broke up, crush, depressed, ex girlfriend, move on, my ex, player, self esteem, sex life, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, dmanmcc +, writes (25 January 2012):
dmanmcc is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for the advice...i know i want to be with her forever even tho she might not and that sucks but i guess you cant change other peoples minds...depression here i come :(
A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (25 January 2012):
 Sorry to hear you are experiencing such doubt and anxiety!
No, there really isn't anything you can do concerning the man she has a crush on. You could let her know that you have heard he's a player, and to be aware of that - but otherwise it's about all you CAN say. If he's someone that is always around her family, and is a friend of her niece's boyfriend, it is possible they might say something to her....
The thing is, you have been together since you were both only 14. That really hasn't given either of you the opportunity to date others. You basically have nothing to compare one another with.
Perhaps the best thing now is to back off, and let her do the same. Both of you take some time alone and maybe not date anyone else for a while, and see how it all turns out. Perhaps after a time, you will, and she will, casually date several others, and see what that's like.
It may be that after some time apart, and the chance to meet others, you'll both gain some more perspective and be in a better position to discern whether the two of you really are meant for one another.....
Good luck!
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