A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:hello,i'm a 13 year old girl that comes from a muslim family and I really need help when it comes down to boys and dating. my parents are extremely strict when it comes down to these things and don't allow me to hang out with boys or have boyfriends but it really isn't fair. They send me to a school mixed with boys and girls yet they do not want me to associate with boys. i've went behind their backs and had a boyfriend but the guilt that came with it was too much so i broke it off,but i now like someone else and i don't know what to do. I want my parents to let me hang out with this boy and stop being so strict about these things what should i do??-anonymous
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2017): Listen to your parents,they only want your good. They are worried that if you hang out with boys you might be carried away and do sex and drugs. You could get pregnant. Visualize your self getting pregnant at this young age. Can you cope with it?You can catch sexually transmitted diseases which can ruin your life for good if you are not careful. My advice sweetie, concentrate on your studies and compete to get high marks and eventually become a successful young lady to have a great life and future and make your parents proud of you. When you do that they will trust you and be proud of you and let you be friends with boys and fall in love with one eventually who can be worthy of you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2017): this is what I told my daughter, and she listened, thank goodness.
"do not allow yourself to be a notch on some boy's belt. Before the age of 16, if not 18, a boy cannot offer you a relationship. Instead they prefer to boast to their friends what they did, how they did it, where they did it, and with who. Then they will like exaggerate what really happened as well.
When the boys turn 17 or 18 they will look around for a smarter girl who has not been a notch on anyone's belt.
If the boys want to sample girls then do not be one of those dumb girls who allow the boys to sample them.
instead concentrate on doing well at school.
then when you reach 16 or 17 or 18 then that is the time you start looking for a smart young man aged 17 or 18 who has also been more discreet about girls and who has also concentrated on his studies.
long term you will have a better brighter future"
when you lie to your parents you destroy their trust in you and you erode all the trust they have for you
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A
female
reader, Slippers  +, writes (26 March 2017):
As a parent .. a mother .. myself I must say stop being dishonest with your parents . I'm raising a 9 year old and being honest no she won't have. And at 13teen . Boys who can be friends but no bfs . The reason being sweetie; is life for girls nowadays is easier in some aspects but much harder in others , sex is more exploitive and some boys think it's grown up to shame and name girls who send naughty pics and even go further than that .. as a Muslim your parents will different values than mine to an extent, culture as well and though your growing up in a western world . You can see my values regarding dating remain the same ..
They are trying to, sweetie ... just keep you safe .. I read your post I get your a good girl .. that your parents views you may not agree with but when you sit and think of it . They want the best for you . Society can still name and shame girls who do stuff when promised (sometimes)lies by boys and the boys are glorified .
Why not ask mum and dad if you can have a group of friends over for tea this boy included or study group . You can also if he is different ethic group say to your folks But until your over 17teen refrain from seeking bf .. concentrate on friends and your girls as friends leave the big stuff until your more ready and then you won't have this guilt either . As you would be able to be honest and ready .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2017): I grew up the same rules. I could not attend anything where boys were except school until I was 16, which was my junior year of high school. I came from a Protestant family. I was unable to do anything about it because my parents would not communicate with me. If you can talk to your parents, explain to them that it is better for your to learn how to be in relationship with boys while you are still under their protection and that if you need help, you know they will be there for you. I learned only after I left home and I made many mistakes and never did learn how to communicate and relate with men. Good luck. I feel for you.
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