A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi.I don't know what to make of my bf's behavior. I asked him a week and a half ago ago who he felt about me, because we are in a long distance relationship and do not get to see one another very often. I don't know how he feels about me, though he says he is fine with me telling him I love him. So, I asked how he felt about me. He said he refused to discuss emotional issues. I tried a couple more times, to no avail. I sent him a message saying it really hurt not knowing how he felt about me or the relationship and I needed to know in order to make decisions about my life. He went quiet for one day. I sent a message asking if he was talking to me. He replied that he would not communicate anymore until he is ready. That was six plus days ago, I sent him I short apology on day four. He read it immediately but made no reply. Yesterday, I sent him a message that I was done and believed that he also was done with me but just couldn't say it. He immediately read but no reply. He has not blocked me, turned off notifications of my messages, and reads them right away, but won't reply. Is he trying to punish me or did he break up with me? These are only two messages I've sent, but if I were going to go silent to break up, and I would not do that to anyone, I'd block messages or at least turn-off notifications. So, what is he doing ....... besides driving me nuts, though I have to admit I am pretty much done. I can't accept this behavior as being healthy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2017): Thank you every one. I think I am moving on. This silent treatment is hurtful to me and the relationship, and if he does it once, he'll probably do again.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2017): Thank you everyone for your answers! There seems to be agreement on this issue that I should just let him go and move on with my life.Anonymous Female,We've been "together" for 14 months. We met in person and then ran into each other again at a work conference a month later and started a relationship after than. We say each other a week every couple of months, but have not been able to see each other in four months now.He has always been consistent in communications until silent treatment and was very helpful during the time I had a really bad flu last month. But, there have been little things. Not answering questions but redirecting the conversation, which I've called him on and I've had a strong sense a couple of times that he is lying to me. I sense he liked me, he pursued me, but has stopped talking about the future and doesn't know when he will be able to merge our lives, which he was gung-ho about a few months ago. He seems depressed, but perhaps he is losing interest. I don't know. He has shut down. This silent treatment is new and disturbing. I see it as nothing but a relationship killer.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (26 March 2017):
 It's a manipulation tactic in my eyes, makes you feel like you're in the wrong and on edge waiting for a response.
Keeps you wondering what's going on and you're wanting to please him.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (26 March 2017):
 As I see it, there are one of two things going on here: EITHER he is very controlling and this is his way of keeping you in line, OR he finds discussing emotions/feelings very difficult (some men are really backward in this department).
It could even be that, when you brought up the question, he genuinely did not know what to say. Perhaps he actually does need time to decide how he feels. If you are telling him you love him and he says that he is "fine" with that, then you would hope he could at least say he cares for you deeply or something similar. The fact he is reading your messages tells me has probably hasn't finished with you (in his own mind) but is keeping you at a distance for the time being.
How much contact have you two had during the course of your relationship? How long have you been dating? It is just too soon for him to discuss feelings perhaps?
Whatever is going on here - and we are all just guessing because we cannot possibly know - the important thing is that YOU are not happy so drawing a line under this relationship and moving on seems like the sensible thing to do.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (26 March 2017):
 What a horrible, manipulative controlling person he sounds. You are correct when you say you can't accept his behaviour as healthy!
I doubt very much he has broken up with you but more wishes to punish you for bringing up subjects he doesn't want to discuss. Don't let him keep you dangling, you have already decided you are "done" ... I wouldn't even bother wishing him well, just block him on all networks, and move on.
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A
female
reader, Slippers +, writes (26 March 2017):
Honey pie nails it . I only want to add this isn't about you it's him . He wants to keep you hanging as a maybe; an option . I feel you are doing the best .. I do think ldr can work if two people are committed and connect to each other . I however think you have had a lucky escape so thank your lucky stars and you'll get through this .. the aunts and uncles here always have a listening ear .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2017): Standard questions - How long have you two been in a LDR? Have you ever met in person? How much time do you spend face to face? How often do you see each other? and last but not least - what are your plans to close the gap?Long Distance Relationships are extremely difficult. You have to put in at least twice the effort of an in person relationship. He may not need to TELL you (in words) how he feels about you (because not all men are comfortable talking about their feelings), but his actions should show you how he feels about you and your importance in his life.By actions I mean consistency of contact. Are you in contact on a daily basis? Does he tell you what he is doing? Does he ask you about your day? Does he send reminders to eat, dress warmly, etc? All these are actions on his part the he cares and thinks of you. Other ways to know would be if you're having a bad day or he feels you need a little extra TLC that day, he will say "I had plans to go to dinner with John, but noticed you had a bad day. I'm staying home tonight so we can spend some time together" These are little sacrifices he is willing to make without you needing to ask.Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2017): Thanks Honeypie. Sounds like a lot of wasted energy. I'm setting my mind in letting go.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 March 2017):
 He is trying to take control of WHAT you are "allowed" to talk about and what you are not. When you bring up subject HE doesn't want to talk about you get "punished" with "the silent treatment" in hopes that you will SHUT up about those subject.
If you are done then don't WASTE any more time wondering, pondering and trying to suss him out - it's a waste of time. JUSt make him your ex. Wish him well block, delete and move on.
Maybe next time you are looking for someone to date look a bit closer to home so you can HAVE these conversations IN person?
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