A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've lived at home my entire life and recently graduated. Now that I'm working, I pay for my own things and rent to my parents for my room. However my parents kindly gave me a "discount" and so I don't pay for utilities. My sister in university recently moved to a new apartment without furniture and my mom asked if I would be willing to give her my desk (trade for the one she has at home). I said no because I really do like my desk. It's sturdy, attractive, and fits my room's décor. However, my sister's desk has no shelves on the bottom so she would need to buy a new one. My mom became upset because I don't use my desk often, but I still use it and I like it.Recently since our family phone plan is up, and our parents announced that we would change new cell phones. However my mom said if I gave my sister my desk, she would pay for my new phone and installation fee (about $200-300 total). If not, then I would pay my own. I think it's fine to pay my own since I'm an adult now I should be paying for my own utilities. However I'm upset that she connected these two events together. I said "no" to giving my desk many times. But today she announced I had until Tuesday to decide, when my sister comes home and we're going to the phone shop together.I'm annoyed that she's mad that I said "no" even though it was my decision. She's the one that asked me! She's been acting bitter for the past couple days. Is she going to keep this up? What should I do about this tension?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2014): Hi, OP here. No favoritism but there were a couple times in the past when my mom asked me to lend my sister something. A handbag, shoes, laundry basket... all temporarily. Usually i gave in but she'd act angry and silent when i didnt. I find that immature on her part. I hate how she doesnt understand how her kid feels. Nobody likes their stuff being someone else's stuff regardless of age.
My sister dorms because she has no car and her college is too far to commute. I had a car and commuted to a closer school
My parents are asian immigrants so we are treated less like an adult compared to traditional americans. Its quite relevant, if it helps any. My desk was purchased by my parents awhile ago. Techincally its not mine but its been mine for a really long time.
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (13 September 2014):
 Perhaps offer to buy your sister a bookcase to go with her existing desk? You get to keep the desk, she gets shelves. Problem sorted.
I do feel this is very unfair on your Mothers part though... it is not your responsibility to pay for your sister. She is a grown up herself, and she CHOSE to get her own place.
Just out of interest has there ever been any favouritism before this?
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (13 September 2014):
 You're annoyed that she said "no"?excuse me! The "tension" is all on you my friend. Her house,her rules. Ok, yoou say you're an adult, then move out
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