A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I am in a torrid emotional sexual affair with a woman who has a boyfriend. We kept ending starting again cos theres so much attraction. We are like best friends as well and can talk about anything. We decide its safer not to see each other but both want it badly/miss each other terribly.She doesnt really have ties with her fella but was considering settling before i met her. We broke off as much contact and i missed her like crazy and rang her after a month or so and she admitted feeling so sorry for herself without me and the old feelings were still there and we got on great so much so i invited her over for dinner which i dont think she expected. I dont know if that was a good or bad idea as the next night we had the most mind blowing passionate time.It has again caused so much confusion. From the start of the night telling me she doesnt want me to put my life on hold for her but would be devestated if I met someone else, to having the best sex ever, telling me how much she wishes she could spend so much more time with me adores me, kissing and cuddling all night making each other feel really happy like we are in a love bubble.Anyhow we said we have to be honest and ring when we feel like and text no power games etc. Problem is this night has been so intese it has confused the hell out of us both and we are agin a bit standoffish. i want to see her again and know she does too but its wrong and carnt go on. So much so we are finding it hard to talk cos it is so so scary and dangerous but will both be missing each other incredibly. I feel like leaving her to sort herself out in her present relationship with her controling older boyfriend which obviously isnt making her happy and they row a lot been on verge of splitting, cos this needs to end for us to move forward.We cannot carry on like this. I wanna call her now to chat and catch up but i will be playing to her then and she knows she is back in control of me and i aint moving on but i know she'll be hanging by the phone wondering what im dooing cos we is both the same? I feel now like leaving her with the wonderful memories and letting her come to me when shes sorted herself out but dont want to pressure with an ultimatum as i dont think there good and if i leave her now only her heart will force her hand?Any views?
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affair, best friend, has a boyfriend, kissing, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, xxmissxx +, writes (13 September 2007):
 You dont have to give her an ultimatum, although you could give her an option.Thats a nicer, more understanding way to put it.
She is still with her bf, so that may tell you something about how she feels already, although she may also be waiting for a decent excuse to leave her bf, maybe thats you?
Im going to use my agony aunt catchphrase here and say, lifes too short, you only live once so if you dont try youll never know!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007): RUN LIKE HELL! Get a girl who is single and not with someone. She is having her cake and eating it. Please, just walk away. She is still with him for a reason, she loves him and wants the sex from you.
take care
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A
male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (6 September 2007):
Have you considered that she is simply enjoying doing both of you?
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (6 September 2007):
 The woman you're in love with is unavailable. Until you get OUT of love with her, you won't fall for anyone else and you'll be miserable. Every time you see her or talk to her you're feeding your unhealthy love.
Cut her off cold turkey. You need to walk away. Block her from your cell phone and e-mail, and screen her calls. Don't talk to her at all.
It's like me and chocolate: if I leave the bag shut, I can say no. If I open the bag, I'll eat every last chocolate. I have no control.
Don't open this bag by talking to her. Take your lumps for dating a woman who is, and probably always will, belong to someone else, and go heal. You'll be better off in the long run.
Good luck.
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