A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I(28M) work in a small organisation with a handful of people in the team. I'm the most senior person in the group and we all report to the owner of the organisation. About half a year back a girl joined our organisation. She is a very polite and friendly person. I have always helped my colleagues (including the girl) with all their work issues to ensure a seamless workflow. Additionally I take care that there is no unwanted problems in the group.For the last few months I feel I have caught feelings for this girl. I admire her because of her nature. Recently she sang a song in an office gathering and I was mesmerised by her voice. Since I don't have any such displayable talent, I always admire and appreciate other people's talent.I have not told anyone about my feelings, perhaps I will never tell. This is maybe the first time I've had such strong feelings towards anyone. As of now I'm just brushing it off as an infatuation. Additionally, I know nothing serious is possible for several reasons. Firstly, I don't know if she has any feelings for me. Secondly, we are colleagues and things may get complicated at work if something happens.I acknowledge I have unresolved issues that prevent me from thinking about any relationship. My morals wouldn't allow me to go into a relationship with anyone unless I know for sure that the relationship culminates into marriage. I wouldn't want to play with anyone's feelings without giving them the assurance that we would work towards something permanent.I also don't want to have children in the future, I'm sure about this. This is the major reason that restricts me from pursuing any relationship because I know the other person's biological clock would make them crave for children. Sorry if I offend anyone reading this. There is also an age gap of more than 5 years between us, where I feel things might get awkward if I approach her.With all of this I'm sure there is nothing that can happen between us, though in mornings I wake up thinking about her. Of late I have been thinking more and more about her, which I feel is very unhealthy. I have tried to divert my mind by keeping myself preoccupied with work and pursuing knowledge, but it doesn't seem to work well as my thoughts have started to wander again towards her.I have thought about switching jobs, but due to contractual obligations, I have to serve for at least a year here. I really enjoy my work here, but if I'm not able to keep my mind thinking about her, I may have to leave next year. What should I do to control my feelings? Do I seriously think of leaving my job next year? Are there any ways I can do away with these feelings? Thank you in advance for your advice.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (14 December 2023):
 Personally? With how many companies deal with "romance" in the work place these days I would NOT do or say a thing about your feelings.
I would stick to being professional at work.
1. you are her "superior".
2. You are a male.
3. you don't know if she is interested or just being polite.
I'd say If SHE ask YOU out for a coffee or whatnot, then talk to her and see where to go from there but I would NOT pursue her.
What if it turns out you two are SO not compatible?
You'll make the work place an awkward place, not only for her, for you but for everyone else.
The work place is not a "dating app"
A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (13 December 2023):
 I think its very grown up and mature of you to recognise that dating someone you work so close with is not a good idea. This would of been precisely my advice to you. Its all well and good dating a co-worker when things are going well, but if things never worked out things can become difficult for you and the people you work with.
You can either just keep these feelings to yourself, don't tell anyone and just let the feelings fade and diminish over the natural course of time. I'm sure if you met someone else and sparked a relationship this would make the thoughts and feelings diminish.
Or if after a year has gone by and you have met your contractual obligations and your feelings for her are still as strong maybe you could test the water and see if her feelings torwards you are the same.
If she does feel the same you will then be in a position to maybe seek alternative employment, of she may be willing to move to a different job.
Also the age gap of 28 and 23 is nothing, this should not be a concerning factor here.
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