A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice, as this issue is really getting me down. I have been friends with a girl for the past two years, am in first year of uni (almost done) and I met this girl in upper sixth at school. I will refer to this girl as "lucy". Even though Lucy had been at the same school as me since 1st Year I didnt start being friendly with her until upper sixth. Lucy had been friends with nearly everyone in our class at some point in school. So anyway we started being really friendly and everyone said it was because I had a car at first but I didnt think it was so I let that fly over my head. For many years I was aware that Lucy had two friends outside school who I heard her talking about many times, but she had fell out with them at the end of lower sixth. And when we started being friendly (partly because all my other friends had left school) at the start of upper sixth she talked about how and why they'd fell out after 3-4 years being friends. So anyway, we started being really friendly, like hanging out every night and stuff and everyone in school called us the terrible two some, because we just bonced of each other. so Yeh the school year past quickly and summer began. In july of the summer the girls from outside school got in contact again. And Lucy met up with them for chats and stuff and they started being friendly again. And of course I met them a few times as well. I was really cool and glad Lucy got back friends with them. So the summer past and I didnt see Lucy as much but I didnt mind because I understood like. So then in august we went together to get our results and everything was great and Lucy decided she wanted to go to uni over seas which was cool and I decided I wanted to go to uni at home. So the time came and I started uni and so did she, uni was really crap for her, she was home sick, so I'd talk on the phone with her all the time make sure she was ok and we would skype alot. So I cant talk you though alot of examples but this is most resent one. Just a few weeks before she was suppose to come home we were talking one day and she was just about to go to the bank machine and her card was declined she was all out of funds, her parents died when she was young so she had to text her guardian (sister) for some cash, it was going to take 8 days to come through, So I tranferred £100 pound into her bank account to keep her going. She came from england for easter holidays and picked her up from the airport (120 miles) it was a saturday night she came home and on the sunday she rang me to come to hers and I went down and she said "lets spend the day together" as she was babysitting her sisters babys, so I was like yeh cool, so we went out in the car and stuff and she was complaining that the other two hadnt made any effort to come and see her as they were to busy with there bfs. So I immediatley was like, well I wouldnt have been needed to-day if they were free. So easter holidays went on and she only rang me when the other two were busy and I'd always drop everything and go, she'd do things with then that when I'd ask she'd be like no. I just constantly feel used, as I have done so much for her, been there and even as much as gave her cash. Am forever lifting her here there and everywhere. I feel like am only used when the others are busy. And that is a fact, I feel dreadful about this sometimes like it really makes me feel less than them. It like I cant give anymore. So last week I started distanting myself from her and started hanging out with other friends and every time I was going out I texted to ask if she wanted to come but she was busy. So that was ok til I go a text on friday saying "are you annoyed at me" and I texted back no because I wouldnt dare tell her how she makes me feel. So she goes back to england today, and I texted her to see if I could see her before she goes and I ended up having to go down town with her and one of the other girls which was cool, so we went back to hers and I felt like the other girl couldnt wait to get rid of me, so I just said safe flight after hearing there plans for the rest of the day and of course how the girls are taking her to the airport. I just feel like crap to be honest I really do. All my other friends say let her run on and so does my mum. But WHAT SHOULD i DO? please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): Hey there, having been a good friend when I was your age and looking back now at some of the friends that were not good friends to me, I would suggest that you have nothing to lose by actually saying yes actually I am a bit annoyed and this is why...give her the facts about why you feel that she might not appreciate your friendship then let her respond.
You might even find she is a bit insecure and feels that she needs to talk about the other friends because she doesn't feel good enough for you! Better to clear the air though - or risk losing the friendship long term.
A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (9 May 2011):
 maybe she doesn't realise how hurt she is making you feel. have a talk to her. if she is understanding about it that's great but she may just get defensive and say she doesn't understand what the problem is. make sure you spend your time with your other friends, the way that she does and then you won't feel so dependent on her and uspet when she wants to spend some of her time with her other mates. you can still have a great friendship, but there is no need to just only exclusively have each other
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