A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do I get my ex boyfriend back??I was with him for one year but friends for years before that.I have previously been in an abusive relationship(6 years ago) The partner at the time lied and lied to me that he wasn't cheating, to the point where I felt I was going mad. Beat me up then deleted the photos I took of my injuries so I could not report him to the Police, then had a laugh with all his mates at work about me and branded me mad.Anyway, I stayed single for 5 years after but never had any therapy. When I started seeing my last ex things were great, until I started remembering what had happened in the abusive relationship and started to push him away. Then I started to accuse him of seeing someone (even though now I know he wasn't)It was like I was reliving the abusive relationship again but this time it was with someone who would NEVER abuse me and didn't deserve to be treated the way I was treating him. Eventually he got tired of me accusing him and ended things with me. I am now seeing a therapist who says that I am suffering with a form of PTSD from the abusive relationship and that's what caused me to push my last partner away. I just wish I could cut that part of my memories out of my brain and forget about it!!I am still in contact with my ex and still love him very much and want him back!! but I know I need to sort myself out. Up until 2 weeks ago we were getting on great, until I had a setback and started accusing him again of cheating when he was with me. Regardless of me being really hurtful towards him I know that he is always there for me to talk to and even though he has suggested cutting ties with me occasionally he has never done so. I feel like he still cares for me and he really wants me to sort out the trust issues but I know its going to take a while and I am worried that in the meantime he will meet someone else who can can give him the trust I never could.I am so unhappy at the moment. The past is ruining my life and has done for years. I have accepted that I need help, which is what i'm getting now but can anyone advise what I should do about my ex partner and eventually getting him back?Positive replies only please, I am hurting enough at the moment and don't need anymore negativity.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 January 2017):
 Take your ex out of the picture for the moment. I am sure your therapist would advice you to do this. You are still pretty messed up from the past and you are letting the past rule your life at the moment, you may be getting help, but even up until two weeks ago you are still letting your past judge your life now. It is not healthy and you need to work hard to get over it. Yes it is difficult but you need to try for your own sake nobody else's. Yes it is possible your ex may meet someone and that is something you just need to risk, as for now you need to be alone and working with your therapist to get your issues under control.
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (8 January 2017):
 You really need to concentrate on yourself first, that's the main priority. Once you're in a better place then you can think about fixing things with your ex but please don't get your hopes up as you may be setting yourself up for disappointment.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2017): I think you need to concentrate more on the therapy and sorting things out. You had a relapse, and you ended that relationship for good. So allow therapy to help you to come to terms with that as well. Your ex doesn't want you back, and to be honest; he doesn't deserve it.
Now it's completely about you. You've been severely traumatized, and that trauma caused you to hurt someone else. You had to get away from the guy who caused you pain; well I guess you should have some empathy for the person who had to go through difficulties with you for things he was accused of that he didn't do. It may not be physically abusive, but it is seriously hurtful emotionally.
You're slowing-down any progress made with our counseling by stressing over your ex; when you should be focusing on healing from the trauma that caused the behavior leading to your breakup. That's what the therapy and counseling is for. Instead, you've turned your focus away from what triggered your problems; and you will not get better by doing that.
Breaking-up is followed by grief. It's a loss, and you should allow yourself to go through the full range of emotions associated with your loss. Don't agonize over how to get him back. That may not be possible; so you have to move on.
No one is here to abuse you, but you need straightforward answers.
I think it's best to continue with your therapy; someone professionally trained is better than coming to a site where people aren't qualified, nor allowed to treat you. We don't know you, so what you might consider positive may be of no help at all. I hope honesty is more helpful to you.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (7 January 2017):
 You have to get yourself right before you can even begin to worry about getting back in a relationship with him or anybody for that matter. Take all the time you need, you can't rush it or try to fix recovery into a time frame. Tell him exactly how you feel about him but stress that you have to have this therapy time. He may surprise you and wait around but if he decides to move on at least you'll be ready when a new Mr. Right (and I believe there are more than one soul mate out there per customer) comes striding into your life.
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