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What should I do about my ex-girlfriend?

Tagged as: Long distance, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 November 2009) 4 Answers - (Newest, 3 November 2009)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Me and this girl met in senior year of high school and we had a bunch of the same classes. I liked her in high school but I didn't really care about girls so I never really got to hang out and get to know her. Then we both went to college. I stayed in San Diego and she went to UC Berkeley. I kind of forgot about her until we hung out the summer after 1st year of college and then she went back to school. I remembered that I liked her and I found out that she had a crush on me that summer. We continued to talk a lot online and when she was back in San Diego over breaks we would hang out sometimes. I wanted to get to know her and see if we liked each other but then the next summer we didn't hang out as much.

Near the end of summer I asked her if she wanted to try being in a relationship and she said ok but it was very rushed. We continued for about a month after she went back to school but she decided that it wasn't working out. It was both of our first relationships and we had no idea what we were doing and we took it too fast. I said ok but I was really upset and I didn't want to talk to her or be friends with her anymore. This probably left her really confused. About 2 weeks later one of her friends from school tells her he likes her and wants to take their friendship to the next level.

I don't really want her back right now because I feel like a long-distance relationship would be hard for us, but I don't like how they are already together and I am already ruled out of her love life. It sucks because I know she wanted a relationship that started from a friendship and then the people decide to take it to the next level. The guy is her brother's roommate and he is one year older. He had a girlfriend all last year but now he is with my ex-girlfriend. We are 20 years old right now. At first I was really happy that someone is going to take care of her but I feel kind of betrayed? Should I tell her how I feel? Or just congratulate her?

View related questions: crush, ex girlfriend, my ex, roommate

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I have wished her good luck, but I also told her I want to be friends so that she can get to know me and increase the chances of her realizing that she likes me more. Is this a bad idea? What do you think i should do?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009):

Do be upset, Wish her all the best and say goodbye.

Your future gfs (you will have lots of them trust me) wont like you staying in contact with her and her bf wont like you being in the picture.

But it is best for you to move on, whats happened has happened and theres nothing you can do but make it worse.

Who knows maybe sometime down the tract you two will meet again and the sparks will fly.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Update: Sorry I didn't mention that I already sent her an email acknowledging and congratulating her. What I want to know is if I still see us together in the future should I tell her how I feel about dating again if her relationship doesn't work out?

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A female reader, hijacked_dignity United States +, writes (3 November 2009):

hijacked_dignity agony auntYou two already broke up, and that's fair enough, because long distance relationships are really hard to work out. Especially if you guys knew each other on and off. At least she was honest with you instead of pretending that things were working out. You know what I would do?

I wouldn't even acknowledge that she was going out with this guy. In fact I would stop talking to her all together. She is an ex, and now she has a new boyfriend. Not only did she break up with you, but now she has a new guy around. This might make things awkward for all parties if you continue to talk to her, and why would you want to talk to her in the first place? She doesn't like you the same as you like her, and I think the only reason you are feeling a little jealous is because this guy has something you don't. Her. I don't think that it reflects your feelings toward her. It sounded like the breakup was a little mutual. And there is nothing that can result in more disappointment than following around an ex. So just start whittling down the contact with her and find someone new to occupy your time. What she does and her personal life is not your concern anymore. She's not your girlfriend. She's an ex. All the best of luck!

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