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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: My girlfriends Ex is coming down he is threatening our relationship and me(we use to be friends) im terribly in love with my girlfriend.I get the feeling something might happen this makes me feel so empty and unhappy and agitated and a voice in my head keeps going this is the best way which causes me more distress i dont want anything to happen this thought just overwhelms me i keep trying to fight my mind but it keeps getting worse and worse.Please can you help on how to deal with this its really troubling me alot i cant concentrate please help i love her so much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): "Paranoia is an ever-present feeling of suspicion that others cannot be trusted. Such feelings are not based on fact or reality; insecurity and low self-esteem often exaggerate these emotions. Typically, paranoia is not seen in children, but in most cases it begins to develop in late adolescence and early adulthood. Most people experience feelings of paranoia, usually in response to a threatening situation or in connection with feelings of insecurity based on real circumstances."
Ok ..you're not insecure. You are paranoid..you seem to fear this guy. If the bf does anything terrible..like trying to break down what you built with her...let him try. If you love each other that much..your committemnt will persevere. Nothing will come between you. Ignore the guy, he can't so anything can he, unless you allow it. Just use some rationale here, be strong and get on with your life. I wish you both the best. Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey Irish49,
Im not insecure about her and I im just really paranoid that her ex my (before friend) will do something terrible. this is whats causing me alot of distress we are planning to marry one thats how secure i am i trust her alot.
We are in love we have informed our families but this guy wont take no for a answer and is threatening what we have built.
I donot no what the answer just that im in alot of pain.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): I think we need some more information here. Did this ex bf actually state something to give you the impression he is a threat? Or are you just 'imagining' he is a threat. Either way you are incredibly intimidated and afraid of what is going to happen between these two. How sad this is, because you state you are in love with this girl..yet your posting seems to imply you have no trust for her. Why is that? Is she trustworthy..has she displayed trustworthy, commendable actions up until now? Because if you trusted her completely, I would think, the ex bf would not even be an issue here. In my books, love and trust, are a given, they come together. Love without trust is NOT real love..so I need to know why you feel you love her, but you can't trust her? Listen, all relationships we choose to become involved in are huge risks to our heart..but they can be positive, wonderful experiences if you just focus on bringing the "best of yourself" into this relationship. However, by bringing these insecurities and jealousies into your relationship is just very unhealthy. And you will eventually let these negative feeling fester and ruin, the basis of meaningfulness and caring, you have with this female. My suggestion: You can't control the ex bf's actions, you cannot control your gf's actions. Accept that. All you can do is control your unhealthy feelings here. You choose that for yourself. Forget that inner critic in yourself, forget the imagined comparisons, the anxieties, the uncertainties. If you cannot forget that- it will deeply hinder your relationship with her. Just have fun, a great time, be 'you', be positive, be happy and just enjoy the wonderful moments spent with this girl. How this relationship will pan will depend on what you think about yourself. Loving and appreciating 'you' for who 'you' are, not just for the impressions, you give her. If you are meant to be the 'one' for her..this ex bf will not put a dent in her feelings for you. Please let go of these "uncertain" feelings of comparing yourself to his ex". Because you are allowing yourself to feel insecure and that is a very unattractive trait. Relax and enjoy this relationship with her, stay confident, stay happy and take it one step at a time. Your confidence, your happy demeanor is what others will take note about you. Ask yourself, also. Theoretically, what would happen if she did go back to him? What would that mean? It would mean she wasn't the one for you, and like millions of other people on this planet, you will hurt over this, you will recover, you will heal and simply..move on. Dating is harsh when breakups occur, but the solid, rational person walks away knowing they tried their best, they were their best and they learn from life. That's just the way it is.Good luck to you and start thinking rationally here...your heart is controlling your thoughts and actions and it's getting you no where but causing you all this grief. Take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIts just that i cant handle the fear of her leaving me my mind thinks of the worst scenarios this makes me so sick of myself and hurts me alot.She is very faithful to me but her ex was my best friend at one point he cheated on her and for some reason I ended up with this dream girl.
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female
reader, FireAndIce  +, writes (3 November 2009):
Persistent paranoia like this is so stressful. I would know, it happens to me all the time.
But what it really comes down to is insecurity. You're insecure about your relationship and the feelings your girlfriend has for her ex.
The only thing you CAN do is trust her! Has she ever given you reason not to? What's your relationship like? Does she feel the same way about you? And has she ever suggested that she still has feelings for her ex?
If she loves you and is over her ex, your fears aren't rational and you shouldn't worry. Nothing her ex does will be able to change her mind.
If it's bothering you to this extent, you should speak to her about it. But not in a jealous manner. Jealousy and possessiveness could cause her to run straight back into the arms of her ex.
Simply let her know how you feel about her and trust her enough. Show her that she's with the right man.
Just to clarify, you said you and the ex used to be friends...are you no longer friends because of your girlfriend?
I know it's stressful and causes anxiety, but like I've learnt, sometimes we cause ourselves anxiety unnecessarily. If your relationship is strong enough you have nothing to worry about.
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