A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This girl S in my class has an eating disorder. No one really likes her, and I'm the only one in our class who even tolerates her, but she thinks we're friends and always tags along with me at school. I feel bad about it, but my friend came up to me the other week and told me she had seen S throwing up in the bathroom after lunch a couple times. My friend didn't know what to think because she didn't know S, but knew that I did, and I had always kind of thought S had an eating disorder because of how thin and unhealthy looking she was...Anyway, I told her guidance counselor, who confirmed the accusation with S and then told S's mom, but S doesn't think I know, and I'd like to keep it that way since I know how it feels to want something kept private. Here's the issue though: during class, she still constantly eats and then excuses herself to the bathroom. I don't want to tell her to stop, but sometimes if someone brings in food, she eats enough for 3-4 people, and she's just killing herself... I mean, you can die from something like that.Last week I had some brownies, and without even asking me, she took 4. And it was really awkward, because she snatched them. Like, I wanted to take them back and tell her 'no', but I didn't want to make a scene. Then right afterward she went to the restroom, and I wished I had said something because I'm just enabling her.What should I do?????Thanks so much to everyone who responds!!xx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (13 October 2008):
 This girl is in real trouble. She could really use a friend here. Someone to confide in. You have already allowed her to assume that you are friends. Why not give it a try.\
Not causing a scene about the brownies I think is only part of why you didn't say NO. I am getting the impression that you also don't want to hurt her feelings.
Reporting the problem to the Guidence Couselor was a good move on your part. She really needs help. It shows that you have a good heart and you care about others.
Next time try your best to avoid being around her if you have something to eat that she might enjoy. If you must eat around her, let's say you have 4 or 5 brownies the next time, just put away all but two. Offer her one and eat the other. Don't give her the chance to snatch it away. You can take yours first and if you are already eating it,chances are she might not want to take it from you.(Hopefully)
It sounds like she has what is known as Binging and purging. It is a very serious condition and very deadly. People do this for different reasons. Perhaps you can get some idea from the councelor how to be of help to this girl. If you give her the chance she might even turn out to be a good friend. Just be sure not to take on more than you can handle.
She needs lots of attention and help at this point because she is in danger of dying just as you mentioned. You are a caring person it shows from your post. You didn't even say her name..just S. I think that you have alot to offer this girl as a friend. You don't have to be best friends but by showing others that she can be befriended will hopefully give her a network of potential friends who might take her
mind away from this danger.
Sometimes when a person is thin and still purges they believe that they are really FAT. Possibly even gross or ugly. It is a deceptive condition which plagues a person with bad health and depression which can lead to death.
Ask not what the world can do for us..but what we can do for the world. When we change the life of even one person, it makes the world a better place.
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
A
female
reader, howcomehoney  +, writes (13 October 2008):
 You aren't enabling her. She has a problem and she's going to keep on doing what she's doing whether you have brownies or not. You did a good thing by talking to the guidance counsellor - between the counsellor and her mother, she is going to have to start facing up to her problem.
Don't talk to her about it unless she brings it up. You have already done something very important for her. In the end, everyone has to deal with their own problems. The only thing you can do for her now is continue being her friend. She probably needs one at the moment.
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