A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello my name is cha. Im from Korea and I live in Ameria. I just want to get off from my chest. I came here when I was 15. When I arrived in America, I didn't know any of Western cultures especailly Enlglish but as i have been educated in public school, communicating in English has become more comfortable than speaking in Korean. However, the problem is my parents are fighting over each other every single day becuase of financial troubles. While they are fighting, i don't know what to do, especially when my mom is hit by father. I really don't want my father to hit my mother. That's is so cruel. Moreover, my family is about to break up.........what should i do?????please help me out!!!!!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, pastor pam  +, writes (17 March 2011):
Hi, I am sorry to hear about your trauma; I grew up in a home like this too. Try to find a local crisis number to call to talk to someone. There are youth counseling numbers and other crisis line numbers. Share your story and ask for help. They will offer the closest and best professionals who can come in to do an intervention. If you have a faith, go to your church leaders and share your story and ask for prayer and for real hands on help. Try to leave the house when it is happening and get some help. God sees what is going on, ask Him to help you and your parents. My prayers are for you now.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): um um i don't know what to do my mum and dad have been fighting for over a day and still is going on. i really need help
btw its the littlest things really hurt.
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A
female
reader, hope2help  +, writes (24 September 2010):
I know this is long but I care about what you guys are saying and maybe something of what I say may help. I don't talk online much and may not answer bc I just happened upon this site. I am an adult female who has been married for 31 years and know that no one male or female should put their hands on each other. Tht's not a relationship. The first thing I would recommend that you do is to talk to your parents (when you and they are calm not when they are about to fight or are already fighting)and let them both know how you feel. Start your sentence with: Mom, Dad I love you both very much but when you fight it makes me feel(tell them How it makes you feel)and wait for their answer.
If tht doesn't work then say to them: Mom, Dad when you first married you must've been happy. Maybe if you talk to someone like the (name a religious leader at you church- if they don't have one then suggest that they go to the closes one to your home.) or if your work has free counseling (if the problem is financial then there are free debt counseling that they can get online - try a government site first they are safer), you could talk to a counselor, or you could talk to a friend that you both respect and ask them how they settle arguments.
If that doesn't work keep talking and suggesting; maybe it will click that they need to change.
If after 3-6 months it is still the same then you seek help for yourself- if they don't talk to a religious person then you might try talking to someone of your family's faith.
Talk to a counselor at school- lots of people at school go thru this but are too ashamed to tell anyone.
Talk to people like yourself online but never give out your personal information (like name, address, school, things near you)and never agree to meet anyone online. (the horrors of home invasion, rape and killings are real-don't risk it. I don't care how much you've come to trust the person you're talking to. Online they can say anything...They could be a lying- age 30 not 13).
Save yourself - get out of the house as much as possible. Go to the library and do your homework to take your mind off of their auguring and plan to do well in school so that you can get a scholarship get a good job and say goodbye to their lifestyle. The quiet in the library may help and you could also bring your ipod or iphone, but definitely study to do well so you can leave that lifestyle.
Try developing a friendship with someone who is not living with parents tht fight and if possible ask if you can spend the night sometimes. Or go to a spot a safe quiet place like under a tree at your school or in your neighborhood.
Lastly don't repeat your parents life. Get to know the person at least 6 mos before marrying them and never never marry them until you see how they act when they get angry with you (not someone else - but you).
If he/she hits you when you're dating run as fast as you can from tht person and don't look back - I don't care how much he/she apologizes. Tell them: "I accept your apology but I've already gone thru that with my parents and anytime someone hits me in a relationship I can't stay with them. Thank you once again for apologizing."
This happened to me before I met my husband (we argue but we don't hit and it's more like when you argue with a friend- that's what your relationship should be like- he is my best friend - and I feel like in my children tht we've given birth to our best friends)(here's a tip for when you have children and your children say bad things to each other or fight with each other - make them hug each other and they can't stop until each person has said three nice things about the other person - the surrounding people have to agree tht what the person said sounds true. - it works - all five of my children are close bc they know the nice things their brother or sister feels about them. You might tt get your mother and father to agree to something like this. It's actually fun and makes them both less angry and helps them both to see the better part of each other.)Leaving the guy was easy for me because my mother and father didn't hit each other so I knew tht if he hit me then that he would do it again. He apologized but I told him that I accept his apology but "I don't want to see you anymore." He kept haggling but I was firm. Don't lead the person on by saying things like "I like you but..." end it and leave it at that.
I knew that there was a man out there that didn't hit women when he got angry because my father was not like that and I was going to wait for that man (I prayed to God and found a man that I love and does not hit me and we don't argue everyday)rather than live years in misery and be stuck with tt raise children by myself or have my children live like that. Don't blame your parents though. They need help too as adults we still look for answers. The best thing that you can do is be there for the one being mistreated. If you've found yourself in tht situation where you spouse is abusive and you've tried everything then get a job. get a secret account and save enough to leave the person- yes even with children. Go to school online if necessary to get a better job. Get a divorce afterward you've set yourself up afterwards and are settled in - if he's really abusive contact him only though a lawyer or some type of message service. I hope this helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2010): I know how you feel my parents fight for the same reason were on vacation but they still fight everyday over the phone . my mom starts the fights over little things because she's upset about having no money. So I feel sorry for my dad because he always has to go through this while also having stress from work, but my mom just doesn't understand .and when she's mad she doesn't have much of a temper therefor she easily gets mad at us . I'm also to young to drive anywhere and my dad tells me not to tell anyone .But I'm sure times will change and we can learn from our parents mistakes for our life and our children !! Remember : it won't always rain !!! (: so when they fight just go to your room because it has nothing to do with you and keep yourself busy with something and just smile and don't take sides . I LOVE KOREA I'm going to Korea to find my husband I always watch Korean dramas about your history it's awesomeeeeeeeee . I wish I were Korean but I'm Persian . I'm sure you were very exited when you moved to America koreans love America . I was born here and i'm lucky to be born in America , but I don't like Americans .
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): I wish i knew what to do.. my parents fight all the time too. My dad does hit my mom, they had a fight just yesterday over the stupidest thing.. just cz he wouldnt lower the volume on tv. I asked him if he could, he said no..my mom told him too he kept sayin no then started yelling and stuff..Dont worry ur not alone. I know it hurts, but i dont think they know how much. My dad barely even looks at me and keeps slamming doors until today. Talk abt it with someone..that'll help and try to talk to them about it. maybe if they know how u feel thyll eventually stop.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2008): I am even having the same problem but my father does not hit my mother he shout at her today 3 November 8:00 in Dubai they had a fight and my mother is crying
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2008): I am having the same problem yesterday my mom and my dad got into an argument, my dad suposedly "only" slapped my mom, and then my mom hit him on the head with a shoe. He was bleeding and ranting about how the mariage was over. He asked me to call an anbulance becaus he was hurt, when the ambulance came they brought police men with them and took my dad in for asault. And now a day later we hear that he will not be alowed to contact us for 3 weeks or so.
i am so woried about him he doesn't drink but i do know that he can act irrational when he is under presure.
well just had to get that out there.
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A
female
reader, Yumemizue  +, writes (13 October 2008):
Hey there,, u just like me then,,
my parents are always fighting each other,,
but im really dont care about them,,,
i just kept my self in my room and just listening music and internet,,,that makes me better,,
uhmm,,
did u have sister or brother??
If yes,, u should always talk to them and make a plan "stop the fighting between ur father with ur mother"
im make it that plan with my brother,,its under~~
seven... I guess...^^a
but...
Im know ur pain,,
im fell the same pain too.,,
but...
Because my teacher and friends...
Im really happy because they always there for me,,
so~
if u have a problem,,
dot push to ur self,,
because its really hurt,,
ok??
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