| A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes: This is a very awkward situation .I hope I can explain it as close as possible,and someone might be able to relate to this or give an advice. So its a long and troublesome marriage ,was real love i guess, but today, its an other story..So the problem is huge... I hate my husband!And its too bad, because I can't leave this marriage right now. I know , you might think ,why not? Everybody can leave whenever they want. But the situation is so overcomplicated ,that many people would agree at the end.First of all, I'm a marriage supporter ,I believe in high moral values, and commitments. But, It is so terrible here, that sometimes the only way I see is suicide. Now its not good I know. So I should conceder the other step called divorce. and here comes the twist, in the situation and dysfunction,what this marriage and child raising created, got so co- dependent , that you might not believe me, but the only way to leave that , if I DIVORCE THE WHOLE FAMILY,INCLUDING KIDS.and its because they are all emotionally disturbed co-dependent , self-denying ,my husband is the master on self-defeat and secrecy, its is very scary, its like a psycho, who says something but feels the something else.,We are not a team, we can't fix things together, and he is building more and more masterpiece self defense systems ,so you can never get close to his core.There is no psychologist on this world ,who can get this family on track. Its like only I can see it that the house is on fire and we need to call 911. Everybody else says ,its no problem, forget about it. Living like this takes my sanity and my integrity.Now I feel like screaming, every night, I have to cry ,and keep the whole thing in , because everybody in this family wearing blinders ,so the don't have to see ..I know I could go on for pages and pages material,I know its hard to get it. But if you did, do you understand why traditional divorce wouldn't work,, I would just take the whole crap with me + financially broke me,_+ emotionally crippling me to the point that I can't even take care of my new independence. I`tried very hard to fix and stay, but now my husband is changing to worst, as deep inside he knows whats the truth,but doesn't want to face with it or fix any of it. basically all he does all in his life ,working all day , all week, and feel not motivated for anything else. It created huge dysfunction, what I suppose to clean up. What should be the right choice to make here?
View related questions:
divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (29 January 2008):
 If you are tired, you can go for a holiday.
If you don't like , you can change things around.
If you cannot change things, then you accept them as they are.
If you want to change but he does not , you can leave and let them run their own lifes.
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (29 January 2008):
 So, is what you're saying is "I am willing to live like this?" You haven't just given up on your marriage, your children, but you have given up on yourself. Think about how powerful you really are as a person. You were powerful enough to lose your integrity, your will power, you're personal strength and probably much more. It's time to use that same power to build yourself back up. You mentioned not getting divorced, let me tell you, having a crappy husband doesn't mean your life has to be crappy. It sounds like he's basically just a fixture that hangs around, that doesn't mean you can't live for you. Our minds have the power to creat and the power to destroy our sense of self.
You need to tell yourself that you won't live like this, and that you're kids are not going to grow up to be sibling cereal killers.
If your husband is changing that much where he is becoming frightning, it's time to protect your children and get them out of that situation. Don't divorce your kids, they need you, and you need them. The three of you can rebuild something together, and being there for eachother. It's not easy making a change, you might need to take some government benefits for a while to rebuild yourself that's OK, and I will happily pay my taxes for you and your children to be safe. If your kids are not benefiting where you are now, then take them somewhere they will. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but every success begins with a single step.
Take care.
...............................
|
