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male
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anonymous
writes: OK. This one has me hoppin' a bit. There's a girl in work. Very nice, Very attractive and I'm almost sure she likes me (who can be certain). Now... when we banter away whilst working.. the craic is great and we really get along well. We can kinda bounce of each other... She ain't like this with any other guy in the place. But... and I mean BUT.. when we're in a situation where the emphasis is on conversation.... dIfferent matter altogether. Its more akward... Actually painfully so... Long silences and really crappy and nervous conversation from both sides My question... Is it like this because we're into each other or could it be something far more sinister!!!... lolA would dearly love some guidance on this issue. Thank you all and God Bless.. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (25 July 2006):
 I know how this girl is feeling - I THINK!! If she is anything like as shy as I was she needs to have other distractions around so that there are no 'pregnant pauses'! One-to-ones are not easy for her with the opposite sex, as, being attractive, men will also either try to ask you out or assume that there is sexual tension where there is none; she may be attached already, and sense that you fancy her. Or, on the other hand, she may well fancy you, it could be building up, and she will be too nervous of what you will say, and how she/you will react when alone together! It happens in all the romantic comedies, where the boy/girl goes to say something, and out of desperation/to fill the 'void' they both come out with something at the same time! Keep looking for clues long enough and they have a way of appearing - Just don't wait for the office Xmas party, when you both have alchohol inside you - oops!!
A
female
reader, jackie69  +, writes (12 July 2006):
 It could be that she is into you and finds it hard to talk to you on your own because she feels self concious and shy about it all! or it could just be that she doesn't really like u at all! Who knows mate,just except that you may never know.
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (11 July 2006):
 Yes, it's probably the mutual attraction that makes the silences awkward. When you're working, you have the multiple distractions of your duties and you can make silly comments to each other before bustling off to whatever jobs are waiting.
But when you're alone together, the pressure's on you both, and the banter dies a strangled, silent death.
Don't worry, because first of all, silences between friends are actually OK. If you ever have opportunity to interact with people who know each other extremely well (old marrieds, twin siblings etc) you'll see that they don't have to talk all the time.
Secondly, with a little work, you can make inroads into the silence by finding common interests.
Next time you're chattering away at work, listen to what's underneath the surface, and see if you can make some deductions about what this woman cares about. If she makes some offhand reference to a Simpsons episode, for example, file that factoid away in the mental filing cabinet, maybe to be mentioned later. If she draws a blank about pop music, that gives you something to find out about. What music does she like?
As with any friendship, you need to put in some effort to make this grow. And when you're together without the bustle of work, be happy for the small conversations -- without fretting over the dead air -- until you can both find topics in common.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2006): I think that when she is in "joking mode" she is more confident and may be using this as a security blanket meaning; with her sense of humour she shares with you her attraction but when it comes to being "serious" she is terrified.
Just tell her you like her and that you think she is absolutely hilarious. This might relieve the pressure from her.
You like one another. It's an oppurtunity and seize it.
Good luck dude.
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