A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Right. Very long story short.. I've been with this girl for 20 months (engaged since August)and everything was absolutely fine until.. January sometime.Basically, she went to University, not too far away, close enough that I can see her *nearly* every weekend. Since about January she's been getting stressed, upset easily, etc, normal Uni stress, fair enough.I don't know what came over me but in January I checked her facebook trying to find out what was wrong. Lo and behold, a message to somebody I didn't even know saying things like "I really wanted to kiss you" and all this. I asked her about it, and she denied it flat out at first. Never mind.SO I started to get a little suspicious. She insisted that it was just a stupid drunken message but I couldn't help but think she'd do the same sort of thing again. The next time I checked her facebook I looked back a bit, and there was a loooong conversation with her ex who she "hadn't talked to" since they broke up about two years ago.So I finally tell her about this yesterday. She denied talking to him and says she'll check first thing this morning. So before I went to sleep, that's right, I went on there again and saved the messages as they were still there. But while I was there, I found YET ANOTHER conversation with someone I don't know in the recent chat, the part that annoyed me being "So you fancy me then", "you know I do" And a few quite obscene comments from him, fortunately nothing back from her. Yesterday, anyway.So, I know she's lied to me on several occasions. We're supposed to be engaged but she can't quite seem to grasp the concept of honesty. After what happened the first time in January, she agreed to tell me if she felt stuff for other people.There are a host of other things that go along with this but I won't bore you with the details. Every time I try to talk to her about something that's bothering me, it's always somehow twisted round to be my fault. Doubtless this will be twisted to "why were you on my facebook, you could've just asked me (even though I wouldn't have told you the truth)"What on Earth do I do about all this? It's tearing me apart. Partly because I've SEEN what she's said to these guys, mostly because I don't know what she's been saying to OTHER people. Either way I know she's been lying to me, quite a lot, about a number of things.
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broke up, drunk, engaged, facebook, her ex, university Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): My ex girlfriend was doing the exact same thing.. texting and messaging her ex on facebook. Dam that site!! Anyway I confronted her but she denied it. Then about a month later she admitted she had met with him and cheated on me. At the end of the day there is rarely any smoke without fire. Dump her mate, you don't want to be with someone you cant trust, get out sooner rather than later, otherwise it will only be harder in the end.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat's.. Actually a lot better than anything anyone else has said to me. You're right, I do feel bad "checking up" on her, but it seems to be the only way of finding out the truth to anything she does. Thanks, A Female Reader.The problem is that if it goes onto the next stage, i.e SEEING other guys, I won't know anything about it because I can't guarantee she'd even tell me that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): Hi. I am going through much the same with my boyfriend - I have found internet dating sites, girls he has told he has broken up with me saying they are together etc. The worst part is I feel awful for having checked his e-mails previously. We live together so I have to hand it to him for finding the time!I have made the decision not to send myself mad anymore. I am going to stop checking and trust that he is behaving. If he chooses to mess up the good relationship we have for some stupid flirtation, so be it, but I have realised that there is no point if you can't trust someone anyway.
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