A
male
age
36-40,
*odo85
writes:Please help me! I can't understand my girlfriend now, i can't explain it so please let me copy and paste our conversation. Is she testing me or what does she want really?? If she wanna go then why doesn't she break up with me? Why she want me to start the break up first? Did she mean it when she said there's an another guy? Or she wants to test me whether she should give me chance or not?:(11:54:20 pm) babybear_vivian: im here(11:54:23 pm) babybear_vivian: u there?(11:56:28 pm) dohoang_phong: Yeah(11:56:39 pm) babybear_vivian is now known as Xiong Vivian.(11:56:42 pm) dohoang_phong: i told u everything....(11:56:53 pm) dohoang_phong: i'll accept u no matter what u're doing(11:54:54 pm) Xiong Vivian: i know what u want(11:55:17 pm) Xiong Vivian: but dont u think it's a bit sick?(11:57:18 pm) dohoang_phong: because i prefer love over sex(11:55:45 pm) Xiong Vivian: even i sleep with others u still accept me. No guy will accept his gf having sex with others(11:57:44 pm) dohoang_phong: maybe but because i love u(11:55:52 pm) Xiong Vivian: at least i cant accept(11:56:29 pm) Xiong Vivian: Im not good at choosing u know(11:58:29 pm) dohoang_phong: Maybe we'll discuss about(11:58:38 pm) dohoang_phong: it(11:58:53 pm) dohoang_phong: love is stronger than anything(11:56:57 pm) Xiong Vivian: so u can see u still cant accept(11:59:22 pm) dohoang_phong: but one thing for sure u'll hurt me(11:59:26 pm) dohoang_phong: i accept it(11:59:30 pm) dohoang_phong: I mean(11:57:35 pm) Xiong Vivian: why dont u think being friends is better? we still can txt or call or chat online when we r just friends right?(11:59:38 pm) dohoang_phong: we'll talk about it, that's all(07/04/11 12:00:07 am) dohoang_phong: i need u as my girlfriend(11:58:08 pm) Xiong Vivian: u still have visit me when u come here(11:58:26 pm) Xiong Vivian: yeah,everyone needs me as their gf(11:58:40 pm) Xiong Vivian: but im only 1 body(12:00:51 am) dohoang_phong: If u wanna go then please tell me(12:01:07 am) dohoang_phong: i just hope u can understand how much u mean to me(11:59:24 pm) Xiong Vivian: the thing is i would like to keep a friendship with u and wanna see u happy(12:01:46 am) dohoang_phong: so it means u don't have any love and feeling for me?(12:02:04 am) dohoang_phong: i can't be happy with anyone except with u(12:00:31 am) Xiong Vivian: i can only say i loved u really much. But after u hurt me so many times,i dont know now(12:00:51 am) Xiong Vivian: plus the lifestyle u have(12:03:06 am) dohoang_phong: I'm truly sorry about it(12:01:10 am) Xiong Vivian: i hate clubbing,even for once. But sure u cant get rid of it(12:03:17 am) dohoang_phong: but i'm trying hard to change now(12:03:29 am) dohoang_phong: i never fight for this love like before(12:03:42 am) dohoang_phong: i can do it, here i didn't go(12:03:49 am) dohoang_phong: i stopped it already(12:02:10 am) Xiong Vivian: u tell me what's the difference between me and ur all the ex(12:04:22 am) dohoang_phong: how can u be sure about something when u don't give me a chance?(12:02:27 am) Xiong Vivian: they loved u so much,more than i do i guess(12:04:33 am) dohoang_phong: u're special to me(12:02:36 am) Xiong Vivian: u loved them too(12:04:41 am) dohoang_phong: i just know it(12:05:06 am) dohoang_phong: yeah, i loved them but not deeply as u(12:03:21 am) Xiong Vivian: he asks me to be his girlfriend too(12:06:35 am) dohoang_phong: ok, i'll let u go and u'll see what i can do for u....(12:06:46 am) dohoang_phong: when i come back i'll find u(12:05:13 am) Xiong Vivian: i know he's not as romantic as u r, and he cant buy me anything like chanel. He even cant afford to book a hotel for me for 1 night. But he never hurts me...(12:07:12 am) dohoang_phong: i just really hope u'll give me one more real last chance(12:07:28 am) dohoang_phong: It's not about what i can buy(12:07:32 am) dohoang_phong: It's about i love u(12:05:35 am) Xiong Vivian: i dont want u guys to fight for me(12:07:38 am) dohoang_phong: u mean so much to me(12:07:55 am) dohoang_phong: It's ur decision whom u're gonna choose(12:06:00 am) Xiong Vivian: i want 1 of u to give up(12:06:19 am) Xiong Vivian: but obviously no one of u is willing to give up(12:08:43 am) dohoang_phong: R u in love with that guy?(12:09:51 am) dohoang_phong: Why u want me to give up?(12:08:39 am) Xiong Vivian: i only know i like him,cuz he can communicate with me always and he never hurts me. Plus he doesnt smoke,no drinking,no club. He's a virgin.(12:08:50 am) Xiong Vivian: i want 1 of u to give up(12:08:54 am) Xiong Vivian: u or him(12:09:00 am) Xiong Vivian: i just hate choosing(12:11:17 am) dohoang_phong: Maybe that guy is good in that(12:11:39 am) dohoang_phong: but have u ever think he's saying all those thing because he'd like to be with u(12:11:45 am) dohoang_phong: And just wanna have sex with u?(12:10:02 am) Xiong Vivian: maybe(12:10:16 am) Xiong Vivian: but i can see he's an honest boy(12:10:31 am) Xiong Vivian: not like someone who's so much experience(12:12:33 am) dohoang_phong: Sometimes seeing can't be sure too....(12:10:53 am) Xiong Vivian: u say all this bcz u wanna be with me too(12:13:24 am) dohoang_phong: To tell u the truth yes, i'd like to be with u because u can see how hard i'm trying(12:13:33 am) dohoang_phong: and i'm not lying about anything(12:11:48 am) Xiong Vivian: u said it needs both side to try hard(12:14:12 am) dohoang_phong: yeah, for making possible love going on(12:12:21 am) Xiong Vivian: i dont know what will happen to u if i leave,(12:14:38 am) dohoang_phong: why r u saying this?(12:13:13 am) Xiong Vivian: i want u to live a happy life there with ur family(12:13:32 am) Xiong Vivian: with a wife who's willing to do everything for u(12:13:37 am) Xiong Vivian: trust me,im selfish(12:13:45 am) Xiong Vivian: im not that good really(12:16:12 am) dohoang_phong: don't u understand that i love u? And i don't care how much selfish u r? And later people will change(12:16:14 am) dohoang_phong: i mean(12:16:29 am) dohoang_phong: for example right now u're selfish and step by step u'll learn(12:16:37 am) dohoang_phong: how to be not to selfish(12:15:13 am) Xiong Vivian: i understand u love me,but i dont know how much i love u now. U broke my heart. U cant make everything up just by a sorry(12:17:45 am) dohoang_phong: I know, that's why i'm trying hard now to make u proud(12:17:58 am) dohoang_phong: and to be a man u've been waiting for always(12:16:01 am) Xiong Vivian: i know i will be so sad even i break up with u(12:18:33 am) dohoang_phong: maybe but i'll still stand and fight(12:18:39 am) dohoang_phong: to make everything possible(12:18:50 am) dohoang_phong: to give u a stable life, a nice family(12:17:13 am) Xiong Vivian: from tom can u try to meet someone new? u will see world is still nice without Vivian(12:19:33 am) dohoang_phong: but i can't when i'm trying to change for u only(12:19:46 am) dohoang_phong: it's contradicting(12:17:59 am) Xiong Vivian: Then just changefor urself,not for me\(12:18:09 am) Xiong Vivian: u will make it(12:20:31 am) dohoang_phong: u're saying all this because u want me to give u up?(12:20:45 am) dohoang_phong: but i know that i can't(12:19:11 am) Xiong Vivian: look,we r arguing whether we should continue this relationship,but since we r so far,i dont know what u do everyday and u dont know me. Dont u think this relationship is sick?(12:21:44 am) dohoang_phong: Everyday i'm telling u what i'm doing(12:21:52 am) dohoang_phong: and because i trust u and i have faith(12:21:26 am) Xiong Vivian: i think i really dont mean to hurt u,but im saying all this bcz u r such a good boy,i dont want u to waste time on me. I dont know how we can keep friendship after we break up,but i dont think this relationship will work out. I dont wanna get married.(12:21:45 am) Xiong Vivian: u should wake up and look for new love(12:22:07 am) Xiong Vivian: many girls they dont look for money or sex,they need love the way u r(12:24:08 am) dohoang_phong: But what if i say it's not a waste of time?(12:22:12 am) Xiong Vivian: u deserve them(12:22:31 am) Xiong Vivian: i do feel it's a waste of time(12:24:36 am) dohoang_phong: but why can't u understand i'm chaing only for u? I'm doing it for our future(12:24:48 am) dohoang_phong: changing(12:24:54 am) dohoang_phong: for a better life(12:22:58 am) Xiong Vivian: what if there's no future between us at all?(12:23:05 am) Xiong Vivian: what if there's no future between us at all?(12:25:05 am) dohoang_phong: there is(12:25:30 am) dohoang_phong: because i'm learning now(12:25:36 am) dohoang_phong: and i'm facing all the situation(12:25:48 am) dohoang_phong: so that in future we won't have problem(12:24:27 am) Xiong Vivian: maybe u dont know what happened between me and that boy.(12:26:42 am) dohoang_phong: i just wanna understand why can't u try hard too? or because u don't love me so much?(12:27:41 am) dohoang_phong: if u loved me then when we're in relationship then why u dated other people?(12:25:44 am) Xiong Vivian: I said i loved u much,but now maybe i feel tired after u did those things.i know u r changing,but it's not as easy as before to forgive and forget(12:26:41 am) Xiong Vivian: yeah, u know u cant accept i dated others. So i dont deserve ur love really.(12:28:48 am) dohoang_phong: Maybe u feel tired but all i need just one more real last chance, let me prove it to u.... And i'm truly sorry(12:28:58 am) dohoang_phong: why u wanna push me away so much?(12:27:08 am) Xiong Vivian: Dont apologize anymore ok?(12:29:33 am) dohoang_phong: Ok(12:27:46 am) Xiong Vivian: I said u r good, just im wrong(12:27:59 am) Xiong Vivian: am i pushing u away?(12:30:21 am) dohoang_phong: because u're saying all this thing for making me give u up.... But i won't(12:30:38 am) dohoang_phong: i'll still stand and be a man that u wished in ur life(12:28:58 am) Xiong Vivian: good to change for urself and do sth right(12:31:03 am) dohoang_phong: u can't accept too if i'm in relationship with u then i date other people(12:29:05 am) Xiong Vivian: grow up for urself too(12:31:37 am) dohoang_phong: but i'd like to grow for our love, our life, our future(12:29:43 am) Xiong Vivian: sure i cant, if u do the same i will leave u. But now i told u i dated others, so u should leave me too(12:32:13 am) dohoang_phong: maybe u did mistake but i still forgive u because u mean a lot to me(12:30:40 am) Xiong Vivian: what if i say he kissed me, he had sex with me? Can these make u forget about me?(12:32:52 am) dohoang_phong: could u tell me why u dated other people when we're in relationship? U'd like to hurt me?(12:33:03 am) dohoang_phong: i still can't(12:33:39 am) dohoang_phong: u know i'm honest with u and i'd like u tell me things so that we can solve it(12:31:52 am) Xiong Vivian: bcz i dont see any future(12:34:18 am) dohoang_phong: Right now u can't see it but step by step u'll see it(12:32:59 am) Xiong Vivian: and he's local here,he can be with me. His family can buy him a good apartment, a lovely car. He's madly in love with me. He's willing to marry me.(12:33:07 am) Xiong Vivian: besides we have much in common(12:33:30 am) Xiong Vivian: ok he's younger than me but he's mature in mind(12:35:41 am) dohoang_phong: people can act(12:34:01 am) Xiong Vivian: ok then why u think he's acking?(12:34:12 am) Xiong Vivian: bcz u r really so afraid i leave u(12:34:26 am) Xiong Vivian: u feel jealous if i smile to other guys(12:34:43 am) Xiong Vivian: u feel jealous if i treat others well(12:37:04 am) dohoang_phong: i don't feel jealous as long as i know u still love me(12:35:16 am) Xiong Vivian: but u dont know(12:37:23 am) dohoang_phong: and as long as i trust u(12:35:31 am) Xiong Vivian: u know i dont love u as much as before now,right?(12:35:37 am) Xiong Vivian: why u cheat urself?(12:37:46 am) dohoang_phong: i don't cheat myself(12:37:56 am) dohoang_phong: why u thinking that i'm cheating myself?(12:36:07 am) Xiong Vivian: if u really love me so much,u should let me find my happiness and wish me good luck,right?(12:38:16 am) dohoang_phong: yeah(12:36:27 am) Xiong Vivian: bcz u feel i love u as much as before(12:38:33 am) dohoang_phong: then i'd learn to accept it(12:36:36 am) Xiong Vivian: when u really know i dont(12:39:06 am) dohoang_phong: u're trying to say all this to hurt me more, to push me to make me give u up?(12:37:11 am) Xiong Vivian: im waiting for u to break up with me. this will make me comfortable a little bit(12:39:29 am) dohoang_phong: why don't u do it? Why r u waiting for me to do it?(12:38:03 am) Xiong Vivian: i dont like hurting people with good heart(12:38:34 am) Xiong Vivian: do ur parents know we r about to be apart? Any suggestion from them?(12:38:45 am) Xiong Vivian: or they r happy to see i set u free?(12:41:03 am) dohoang_phong: i haven't because it's my decision(12:41:12 am) dohoang_phong: i can tell them and like i told u too(12:41:23 am) dohoang_phong: my parents r starting to accept u(12:41:33 am) dohoang_phong: they know that i have u(12:39:41 am) Xiong Vivian: u should tell them what's really going on(12:41:59 am) dohoang_phong: they have their job, this thing i'll make decision(12:42:08 am) dohoang_phong: nobody can force me to do anything....(12:40:09 am) Xiong Vivian: u know ,i think they keep u there bcz they want u to forget me day by day(12:42:21 am) dohoang_phong: no, it's not right(12:40:36 am) Xiong Vivian: and as they wish, i will quit by myself.(12:42:43 am) dohoang_phong: they want me to stay here because they want me to be a real man(12:42:54 am) dohoang_phong: u don't know what they said(12:43:04 am) dohoang_phong: why r u saying that?(12:41:15 am) Xiong Vivian: Well that's the reason they tell u, the real reason is to get rid of me(12:43:20 am) dohoang_phong: u weren't here and u don't know what's going on(12:43:29 am) dohoang_phong: No, i know my parents(12:43:34 am) dohoang_phong: u haven't met them(12:43:45 am) dohoang_phong: u don't know their thinking(12:43:56 am) dohoang_phong: what they want from me is to become a man(12:44:04 am) dohoang_phong: to be good(12:44:17 am) dohoang_phong: and i'm learning all this(12:43:32 am) Xiong Vivian: whatever it is,i have no interest. But 2 years, the fact will teach u everything. U gonna see it by urself how ur love will die(12:45:52 am) dohoang_phong: why don't u trust me and believe me?(12:45:57 am) dohoang_phong: U can't see my love for u?(12:46:15 am) dohoang_phong: and u know even i can be back earlier too(12:44:46 am) Xiong Vivian: i wont trust anything unless i see it with my eyes(12:46:52 am) dohoang_phong: Why r u so sure about everything?(12:45:19 am) Xiong Vivian: bcz i know how things going(12:47:22 am) dohoang_phong: i can send u pictures, videos and everything(12:47:32 am) dohoang_phong: but u don't know the future(12:47:48 am) dohoang_phong: u can see the present, nobody knows the future(12:46:03 am) Xiong Vivian: make it simple,(12:46:22 am) Xiong Vivian: lets be close friends,shall we?(12:46:35 am) Xiong Vivian: call me txt me anytime(12:46:40 am) Xiong Vivian: but no marriage(12:48:53 am) dohoang_phong: Why u wanna make it simple?(12:49:06 am) dohoang_phong: Why no marriage?(12:47:10 am) Xiong Vivian: just answer me shall we?(12:47:15 am) Xiong Vivian: be friends?(12:49:20 am) dohoang_phong: even if i can be a man u've been waiting for?(12:49:30 am) dohoang_phong: I need u as girlfriend(12:47:52 am) Xiong Vivian: i even dont know what man im waiting for,how can u know?(12:47:59 am) Xiong Vivian: i even dont know what man im waiting for,how can u know?(12:50:09 am) dohoang_phong: Because the thing u told me(12:50:17 am) dohoang_phong: from that i know(12:48:20 am) Xiong Vivian: what if i wont be ur gf? revenge me?hate me?(12:50:44 am) dohoang_phong: i told u this already, i won't revenge, i'm not that kind of person(12:49:10 am) Xiong Vivian: i want u to know,im only a girl,same as all ur girlfriends befeore(12:49:21 am) Xiong Vivian: if they have nothing special,i dont have either(12:51:28 am) dohoang_phong: u're thinking that but for me no(12:51:43 am) dohoang_phong: u're special to me and u mean a lot to me(12:50:27 am) Xiong Vivian: so u havent answered my question yet...(12:52:38 am) dohoang_phong: i did already(12:52:46 am) dohoang_phong: i need u as my girlfriend(12:50:55 am) Xiong Vivian: so u dont agree to be friends right?(12:52:58 am) dohoang_phong: and i need u as friend because(12:53:07 am) dohoang_phong: girlfriend can be friend at the same time(12:51:26 am) Xiong Vivian: dont play word game here. U know what i mean(12:53:37 am) dohoang_phong: i don't play game(12:51:48 am) Xiong Vivian: i mean to be friends only,not bf and gf(12:54:22 am) dohoang_phong: i've answered this already(12:52:46 am) Xiong Vivian: then i really have no idea what to say(12:53:03 am) Xiong Vivian: everyone is so trouble(12:53:09 am) Xiong Vivian: why life cant be easier?(12:53:56 am) Xiong Vivian: so u dont believe u can forget me. Then i will give u time to forget me..(12:55:58 am) dohoang_phong: this is just starting and like i said in the mail that to avoid any kind of problem try to experience for the brighter future, for both of us(12:54:18 am) Xiong Vivian: for urself plz(12:56:20 am) dohoang_phong: why u want me to forget u so badly?(12:56:31 am) dohoang_phong: i can't i'm sorry(12:55:08 am) Xiong Vivian: fine(12:56:12 am) Xiong Vivian: then i love him,ok? Let's be friends. This time ok for u?(12:56:26 am) Xiong Vivian: yeah i know u gonna say no ok(12:56:36 am) Xiong Vivian: noooooo ok(12:56:38 am) Xiong Vivian: right?(12:59:17 am) dohoang_phong: if u can't do it, i mean experience it then it doesn't matter, i told u that because i wanted u to see it too, to have more experience but when we're together i won't let u do much thing, i'll do most of the thing because i want u to take more rest, not to thinking too much(12:59:23 am) dohoang_phong: yeah, very no ok(12:59:24 am) dohoang_phong: :d(01:00:28 am) dohoang_phong: By the way, i'll get my extended licence soon(01:00:35 am) dohoang_phong: both for car and motorbike(01:00:43 am) dohoang_phong: so i can i drive u everywhere(01:00:46 am) dohoang_phong: :P(01:01:45 am) dohoang_phong: u can try and test me in anything but i still won't give up(01:00:10 am) Xiong Vivian: u can drive a car now?(01:00:14 am) Xiong Vivian: good for u(01:02:21 am) dohoang_phong: Yeah, good for u too(01:00:30 am) Xiong Vivian: be careful when driving(01:00:41 am) Xiong Vivian: i didnt know u drive car before(01:02:50 am) dohoang_phong: i will(01:03:10 am) dohoang_phong: as long as i have u, u'll keep me alive(01:01:45 am) Xiong Vivian: what the...(01:01:57 am) Xiong Vivian: u mean a lot to me too(01:02:04 am) Xiong Vivian: so how about that boy?(01:04:47 am) dohoang_phong: What would u like to do with him?(01:03:21 am) Xiong Vivian: im still wondering whom i should choose(01:06:03 am) dohoang_phong: I mean u can tell him sorry but u still have boyfriend and the respecting that keep the distance or whatever, i think u can say it by urself too(01:06:15 am) dohoang_phong: if u stuck somewhere tell me(01:05:38 am) Xiong Vivian: hold on(01:05:48 am) Xiong Vivian: i didnt say i accept u right?(01:05:55 am) Xiong Vivian: im wondering(01:08:27 am) dohoang_phong: but seems u accept it because the sentence u said bu ok....(01:06:31 am) Xiong Vivian: whatever,after all these days im tired and i should focus on study(01:06:39 am) Xiong Vivian: what the,..(01:06:44 am) Xiong Vivian: no ok...(01:08:47 am) dohoang_phong: Yeah(01:08:48 am) dohoang_phong: :D(01:08:59 am) dohoang_phong: i'm paying attention to all of ur words Honey(01:10:27 am) dohoang_phong: how do u know? Don't be sure about anything Baby(01:11:57 am) dohoang_phong: shall we be fine now Babe?(01:12:02 am) dohoang_phong: It doesn't matter(01:10:04 am) Xiong Vivian: no fine(01:12:10 am) dohoang_phong: :d(01:12:16 am) dohoang_phong: So it means yes...:d(01:10:57 am) Xiong Vivian: what if i have 2 bf at the same time? ;)(01:13:10 am) dohoang_phong: no ok(01:13:12 am) dohoang_phong: :P(01:17:14 am) Xiong Vivian: btw,i sent u my pics(01:17:17 am) Xiong Vivian: to ur mail(01:17:21 am) Xiong Vivian: check them(01:17:25 am) Xiong Vivian: so im going to sleep(01:17:28 am) Xiong Vivian: good night(01:17:31 am) Xiong Vivian: yellow bee(01:19:44 am) dohoang_phong: Ok, Honey(01:19:47 am) dohoang_phong: I love u(01:19:51 am) dohoang_phong: Kiss u goodnight!(01:17:54 am) Xiong Vivian: :x(01:18:01 am) Xiong Vivian: :-*(01:20:05 am) dohoang_phong: Can y say u love me?(01:20:08 am) dohoang_phong: :D(01:18:13 am) Xiong Vivian: love u(01:18:20 am) Xiong Vivian: See u(01:20:26 am) dohoang_phong: See u Babe(01:18:50 am) Xiong Vivian: see u(01:20:53 am) dohoang_phong: I'll wake u up tomorrow, ok?(01:19:00 am) Xiong Vivian: bu ok(01:21:00 am) dohoang_phong: Can i be ur alarm please?:d(01:19:02 am) Xiong Vivian: dont(01:19:07 am) Xiong Vivian: no ok(01:19:09 am) Xiong Vivian: i need to sleep:)(01:21:17 am) dohoang_phong: Ok
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male
reader, Dodo85 +, writes (8 April 2011):
Dodo85 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI give u the benefit if the doubt by your choice of vocabulary .. What do u mean by this? And also by this: my advice " a price is just a price ... Then u have a prize !
A
male
reader, Dodo85 +, writes (8 April 2011):
Dodo85 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut do u think she meant it when she said this?:
(12:56:12 am) Xiong Vivian: then i love him,ok? Let's be friends. This time ok for u?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011): My estimation is she is standing by her convictions .. I give u the benefit if the doubt by your choice of vocabulary .. You do seem to convince me you care and you believe in giving love a chance .. You are not chicken ..yes man enough to man up ! my advice " a price is just a price ... Then u have a prize ! Hope I helped you out a bit with inspiration.. You know she's worth it go fir it .. She seems very secure with herself and all that talk about a boy well it could be true but then again she might be testing you but you handled it great so far !
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A
male
reader, Dodo85 +, writes (7 April 2011):
Dodo85 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHere are my previous thread so maybe it can help u to understand, and really sorry it's too long.:These days we discussed a lot about our relationship but I couldn't make her understand that I'm trying to change, trying to be the man she's been waiting for. The problem is she doesn't believe in long distance relationship, she told me she needs a boyfriend who can be beside her and meet sometimes. I know I had a lot of mistakes before and I've explained to her already and I'm realizing everything now, facing all the situation for making better, brighter future for her, this is what I told her. But she's afraid she'll get hurt again and most importantly she doesn't have confidence in long distance relationship. How can I make her to believe in me and how to make her understand that long distance relationship can be good and it has benefit? I tried to ask her to come on skype before so that we can do video chat but she said it's no use, she wants to see me in real life not through webcam. I also told her long distance relationship is hard but we can work it out together but she still doesn't believe, I'm trying to send her messages, call her and something like this. I'm in another country and don't know when I can be back to her, what I've told her I need 2 years time to be a man she's been waiting for and if there's a chance then I'll come for a visit. We're pretty far away from each other, actually not that really far, just a couple of hours away but due to my mistakes before, my parents don't let me to go back, maybe later when I prove to them that I can stand on my own feet and can decide to good way. I've also asked my girlfriend to come here but she said she doesn't want, I can buy her plane ticket but still no. Please help me! What should I do? How to make her understand that I really want this relationship, don't wanna leave her and make her understand that there's a hope? We haven't seen each other for about like 2 months and I'm so in depression now. She doesn't call me or text me often like before now... But there was one time I didn't contact her for 2 days and she asked me why I didn't contact her, I don't miss her now or what? Am I seeing others now? I'm really confused, she's giving me mix signal even if we didn't break up yet but she told me before there's a guy she wanted to know more but I don't know about now. She said she started to hate him because she found out he's concentrating on his stuffs so much. Thanks so much if you can help me out!We're about to break up now and the reasons what she said:1. Distance (I'm in another country)2. my lifestyle, like I hanged out with my friends all the time, actually at every weekend almost and when she needed me I couldn't be there, actually we spent times together from Monday till Friday because every weekend she goes home to her family3. I relied on others so much, asking for helpWe talked a lot about our relationship. She mentioned about another man, she said all the good things about him, like whenever she needs him he can be there, she feels comfortable with him, he can understand her, they have similar thinking and so on... So she'd like to know more about him. But I don't understand why during this difficult time what I'm having right now she can't support me? I had surgery before and she's tired of me that I asked for help all the time but I couldn't do anything just making phone call because like I said I'm in another country and the problem was moving my stuffs to another apartment. Later on she said maybe it's better for us to be friends but that time I begged her for one more last chance to prove that I can change, she said OK but later, several days later we were talking about our relationship again and we wished each other happiness because she wants to move on and she wanted me to move on too, she asked me to let her go... I said OK, if you wanna go then I can understand it and respect your decision, all I want is to see you happy and smile. But she calls me everyday, asking what I'm doing, she said she still miss me and seems she doesn't know that we're about to break up because like yesterday she called me and firstly we were just talking normally then later on she said I must have good time now because I can go to another city and be with my friends and so on, but she can't because there's no friend who has free time to go out with her and she said the guy she'd like to know more went to work for 2 weeks and I said so that's why you're calling me because no people can be with you now? She said no... OK then later she said maybe I deleted her pictures and have new woman pictures already but I told her no, I still have all of your pictures... And later that day she called me again she said maybe it's better for us to be friends and she sent me a mail too, saying that maybe it's better for us to get everything over, thanks for your love and all the problems I gave. Maybe we can have a cup of coffee together if I can go back one day, maybe I'm just your passer by like your old girlfriends. I need a boy who can be with me, who's in the same city, meet always. But later I called her because I promised her when I finish my thing I'll call her so when I called her I said told her OK, if you said we better be friends then I accepted it, I don't want you to wait for me if you can't do it, just do your things... And she said so it means I don't love her now, I don't wanna try my best to go back to be with her? And I said I do love you but if you can't wait for me then just do your things. And she said you know I can't refuse you when u're acting like a baby, we're fine now. Can you say you love me? I said I love you. So overall hoping you can understand my situation because I really have no idea what to do now. What does she want? Does she love me? Or firstly she wants to make sure with that guy everything will be fine if she breaks up with me? So is she using me for this 2 weeks? She's calling me almost everyday and I don't know know what to say now... Please help me! Thank you in advance!*Update:She stopped contacting me, like not calling me everyday or texting me and several days later she contacted me but i didn't pick up her phone because i was sleeping already that time and i found out she sent me two e-mails and messages. Actually before she contacted me we talked online and i asked her this questions: I wanted to know if you have had a lot of fun on all of the outings and dates we've been going on. Do you think before we started to casually seeing each other that we made a great couple in the past? And she told me we had great time honey... And I asked her this: If we made a great couple like you said and we've been having a great time then wouldn't it make sense to eventually get back together? And she said she doesn't know also she said love doesn't mean anything. And I said it's not about love only, it's also about feeling... After that she said maybe the place we live in or the lifestyle... She doesn't wanna talk about this, she doesn't like the long distance relationship after that she said she wants to go to sleep... So what do you think what's her on mind now? She said one more thing, there's one thing she doesn't like about another guy that he cares about his stuffs more than anything else and she asked maybe better if she's alone, right? And I didn't answered her this question... I have no idea what my girlfriend wants now.... She's giving me mix signals. The e-mails and messages she sent me:Dear, How r u doing? Why don't u contact me nowadays? Or r u already seeing someone? Just tell me the truth u really still love me that much? I feel we r not familiar with each other day by day,as strangers. I looked back all the years we had together and sth could still make me smile. Looking at ur laptop i even can imagine how u sit on the sofa and play games. Do u still remember how we played Need For Speed together? Dont u miss it? I don't know how our relationship turned into this way which i had never expected... I have no idea what does 2 years mean to u and me, i cant imagine how u gonna be like that time,will u still love me,or u gonna move on easy. U seriously dont have to apologize, after all i still want u to be good and happy. I cant wait for that long time, i mean i wish i could but i just cant. Have u ever heard of this? The biggest love in this world is to wish the one u love happiness. Sorry i cant promise u anything after 2 years, and i know u cant live without a girlfriend. So i decide to let u go. In other words, I set u free. I cant see u suffering. If this relationship makes both of us sad, why not just end it? I heard u may continue ur university life there and can start ur work as well, good for u. In ur life, i acted as a leader who taught u sth good that may be helpful for ur future, i feel really happy about it. Maybe ur next girlfriend deserves u when u become successful and mature, while i dont have that much luck to share ur success anymore. But i would like to be the one whom u can always trust and share ur life with. Always keep me informed with ur story in life ok? Even we cant be couple, we can still be brother and sister...I know u will accept if i wanna terminate this relationship, but until now u r still in my heart, so can u give me an idea what i should do?Id like to wait,but im afraid i'll get hurt again. I dont know which sentence from u i can believe now. I know nothing's ur fault,maybe i should blame on ur family by doing this,maybe i should just blame myself for loving u this much... U made me worried by not contacting me. Maybe u didnt receive my txt msg as well. Anyway, i was thinking if i quit, will i be happier? I dont know... I dont like long distance relationship...perhaps we should call it an end now really...Anyway if u got a chance to come back in Tianjin again, hope u still remember there's a Vivian who loved u really before...Baby, u know how sad i do feel now but good luck to u, and wish u happiness...And the second e-mail on same day just difference minute:Ok i regret sending u that email... Could u just come back for me? Even just for 1 week? i wanna touch ur warm face... But of course if u r seeing someone already plz let me know, i dont wanna be cheated... U should know im a good girl,so plz dont cheat me. Or if u feel we should end this relationship let me know too... And i've replied her this: Dear Honey,U know i'm learning something new day by day, trying to improve myself and like i said before be the man u've been waiting for and wished. I didn't see anyone because the promise i gave u i'll do it and i'm starting to realize everything. Don't u want a stable life without any kind of problem? This is what i'm trying to do right now to give u later, to share with u. I don't wanna be a child anymore, it's time to stand on my own foot now. But to do is i need to face all the situation i may have for a better future. I know long distance is hard but i hope u'll believe in me like i believe in u that u'll see what i can do for u, i promise my love won't change for u. People saying the more u're trying from ur heart the more u'll get but just the patience is playing here. I know my heart and myself if i love someone truly i won't let it go except if that person wanna go. I'm apologizing if i couldn't give u any good but this is i am, i can only give my love and shares it with u. Hoping u can understand all these, i'm busy these days but whenever i see ur call and ur message or if i finish my things earlier i'll contact u. Don't be afraid because like i said i'll be here for u. Right now be strong Honey! Try to experience and face the things, i mean look around what the people r doing and learn it to avoid any kind of problem for the brigther future, for both of us. If u stuck somewhere then tell me and i'll help u. Please after all this shall we be happy? I mean just let all these things go away for a while? We can decide later, just be happy right now. We can chat, we can talk, we can love each other....The messages she sent me was: Hi, how r u doing? Sorry for disturbing. Why don't u contact me nowadays? Don't u miss me or r u seeing anyone? Is 2 years mean we r over without any friendship even?And i replied her: Sorry, i was sleeping when u called me... I didn't contact u because i was doing something all the time. What do u think i miss u or not? How about u? How r u? What did u do nowadays? By the way, u know our dog gave birth to 3 small puppies. They're so cute!:-D And she said: What did u do all the time, may i know? Any new girl around u? I'm just little poor thing who lost boyfriend and nobody concerns. She's having a hard time. And i said: I went out with my cousins to another city to check some places for putting some stuffs like coffee and something like this. Yesterday we went to support poor people. Why r u saying that? I'm still here for u, didn't leave u. And u know i told u too i'm trying to be a man u've been waiting for, trying to make u proud. She said: Ok, sounds good for u. I have nothing to do everyday but read some books and eat. Anyway take care and good lick to ur career. Going to eat now. Good day.And later on i called her, ask her what she's doing and i asked her to call me later but she said she'll go out.... I said ok, and then i sent her a message asking her when she'll come back? Shall we chat when u come back? But she didn't reply me. Actually i called her earlier too but somebody else called me and i needed to hang up her. So what i'd like to ask did i do anything wrong? What should i do now? Why is she talking to me that way after she sent me those mails yesterday? Please help me!! Thanks so much in advance!;-) And sorry if this one will take you for a while to read all.
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male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (7 April 2011):
It's way too long and difficult to read. I'm sorry, I read the first part. And I guess she told you she's having sex with other guys and you still want to be her boyfriend.
Well, I wouldn't accept my girlfriend having sex with others but if it's ok to you. What's the problem? Or you don't believe in her? How old is her?
What she says looks very unrealistic (fake) to me.
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