A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Any ideas what a man is thinking when you were together for 20 months but then he finishes it, but says he cares so much and doesn't want to hurt me. He's moving away, do men automatically think that's the end of the relationship? what makes a man not even consider giving a second chance when there was nothing major that happened in our relationship, except we became distant due to him leaving. But it's only because we never discussed our future? Do men think that the grass is greener on the other side? plenty more opportunities? I just don't know. What do you think?? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2008): Please change the following statement:
"Others can do that for you."
to
"Others can not do that for you."
Thanks
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2008): He finished it, dear because he is no longer at the same place as you, in this relationship. He's telling you one thing but doing another and I hate it when people do this. I sense some profound hurt and and denial, with your questions here and I can really admire the fact that you are seeking some form of understanding. And it's a tough place to be. So to answer your questions:
1) He's moving away, do men automatically think that's the end of the relationship?
No, not all men think this way. That's why there are millions of successful dating couples, who do the long distance dating, globally.
2)What makes a man not even consider giving a second chance when there was nothing major that happened in our relationship, except we became distant due to him leaving?
It's probable and I will state, very, very likely-- that because he's moving away, he wants his freedom to date other people without the constraints of a LD relationship...plain and simple. I think you know that.
3) Do men think that the grass is greener on the other side?
Both males and females can think this way and some of the time, they do find out differently with some regrets.. And some of the time, they carry on and have no regrets. We just don't know--it depends on the person. But I will state when people seek out new partner's for their own happiness, they fail to understand that happiness has to come from with themselves, first. Others can do that for you.
You were with this man for 20 months. You loved him, you were content, you were seemingingly happy.. Now there is going to be a huge painful change...he's leaving and you will be on your own. When people go through a heartwrenching change like this, life seems daunting and a bit scary. Because you will be heading in a new life direction, without him. You already know you have no choice do you...but to fully accept this. It's human nature to resist and try to make sense of it all...we all do that when facing a painful circumstance. Our resistance is a natural protective mechanism, like a shield, we put up to guard ourselves against pain. But after time of resisting, we find out ...it's futile because it doesn't protect us. All is does, is rob us of our 'right' to heal and move on. But first give yourself time and patience to grieve, mourn and begin the healing process. Use this pain to improve your life--to make you strong and changing your life in a better, positive way. Good luck, dear and take care of 'you'.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2008): In my opinion women get attached more quickly in relationships than men do, especially if things are going well. But men are different, even if they do care greatly for their partner are sometimes afraid of commitment,I assume he is in the same age bracket as you. He has said he is moving away which basically translates he doesn't want to continue the relationship with you. I know it hurts, but there will be nothing you can do to persuade him otherwise, he has made his decision. Now your first gut reaction will be to pursue him and tell him how you are feeling and possibly plead with him to rethink. This in turn will push him away from you even more. So you have to sit it out and accept that this is his final decision. As hard as it is, cut off all contact and give him his space. Who knows, when he moves away, he may realise his true feelings and contact you. As the old saying goes absence makes the heart grow fonder and maybe he will see that the grass isn't so greener on the other side.In the meantime concentrate on you, your friends, family. Get out there and try to enjoy yourself. I hope everything works out ok, but if not it wasn't meant to be and there will be plenty more men in your life as you are still young.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2008): Men and women think completely different from each other and that is for certain. I didnt believe it so much when i was young, but now years later, it is certainly true. He probably didnt see a future in a long distance relationship and didnt want to put you through it also. Or he plainly wasnt into you as much as you thought. Have a chat with him and get to know what is going on. Tell him how you feel and find out his true feelings. Maybe he was waiting for you to say something, i dont know, because i dont know him. If that is the end of it, then be brave and walk away and put it all down to experience. You will meet someone who is into you 100% no matter whether they move away or not. Why is he moving away? Talk to him
take care
xxx
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