A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is the first time I’ve been dumped. I just can’t seem to get over her. It has been about a month. I’ve read a lot about how to deal with it, and none of it is working…a lot of it doesn’t even apply to me.I wrote a list about why “I won’t miss her” and the only there were only two reasons! One of them was because of the horrible way she broke up with me (told me she wanted a break, and said a lot of confusing stuff to me.). The other reason is her moodiness during “that time of the month”.I made sure to write about what I like about me. It is pretty standard stuff, things my friends like about me.I tried to think about what I could learn from this, but I didn’t do anything wrong. We brook up because she was scared of getting serious at such a young age. I didn’t do anything wrong. So I’m not exactly sure what I learn form the whole thing.A lot of sites talk about doing things you couldn’t do before in your new free time, but there was nothing I wanted to do that I couldn’t when I was in the relationship, and I didn’t really get that much more free time since we are both full time college students.I let my self greave, and I still get my work done, and I still hang out with friends. I had a break from her with no contact and we decided to talk again when we were both over it. We hung out with some friends and family for my birthday. She did one thing I didn’t expect…she kissed me. We talked a little bit about everything, cried a bit, got on with our lives as if it never even happened. I was doing fine until today when I had a dream about her seeing other people and it upset me. I mean I already knew she was dating again and everything and I was fine with it. I made a list of what I was looking for in a girl and met new people too. I don’t know why, but all of a sudden I’m back to square one and feel horrible.Any advice on how to get over her once and for all?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2008): I realize.. that its been 6 months and one day since u posted this.. but it happened to me like one month ago... i constantly think about her.. i'm just wondering.. its been 6 months, how are u now?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): I realize this was written 4 months ago, but your break up story is EXACTLY like mine. My girlfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me for the same reason and I feel pissed cause she didn't give me a chance to win her back. We took a break to see how she felt and I was subsequently dumped. (I'm also in your age group too, and she was my first girlfriend.) I searched for advice because I thought I was getting over her, not thinking about her at all, and recently I've not been able to stop thinking about her in my spare time. And thats how I found this page. I even had dreams about her in the past week like you did. The similarities are ridiculous!
I can't get over her either, hope you check back in here and give a report on your situation.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): Thank you all for the advice. She already gave me a clear explanation for why she broke up with me. She is scared that we are getting too serious (we have been going on for 2 years) and doesn't know if I am "the one". She wants to see what other people have to offer. Obviously that explanation doesn’t make me feel any better, but it is why she did it. Things are tough, but I’m trying to work through it. Thank you all again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): I just wanted to wish you all the best for your situation. It is hard getting over someone you have had strong feelings for, I'm not saying this works for everyone but when I went through this with my ex, I asked him for a clear explaination as to why he wanted to break up, I asked him to be honest as I was hurting anyway. When he explained things I felt a whole lot better. Good luck hun xx
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 February 2008):
 Oh, dear, grieving a break up takes time. It's never over magically, it will just take time.
It seems to me you're doing all the right things. Just keep doing them, and allow yourself the right to feel a bit sorry for yourself, and the right to your angry feelings towards her. Saying you're okay with her dating again might not be the absolute truth subconsciously and this has what stirred things up for you again. "How can she be happy again when I'm not, and it's her fault?"
It's not nice to be dumped, but you will get over it eventually. That's the key word, "eventually."
I'm sorry there's no wand we can wave to make all the sad feelings go away! Just keep on with your studies, your friends and your other interests.
Bookmark this site, come back in a year and let us know how you feel then...
All the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2008): You know, I'm not sure what to say.. But just, about learning from the situation.. It doesn't have to be anything like that, but you learn about dealing with the feelings you're experiencing. It's so crap when you feel so awful and down and like things will never turn around for you, but in the future, if you're ever put into this situation again, then the feelings won't be so harsh on you. I know it's hard honey, I know, I've been there too. But the first time is always the worst, honestly. In time things will gradually seem to lighten up for you, so at the moment all you can do is try and stay positive. Go out with the guys and have a load of fun, do crazy things. Try to take your mind off your girl problems - obviously it depends on your state financially, but you could plan a trip or a day out with some mates. Right now you're more than likely feeling that life is pooing all over you. And sometimes it does. But if it makes you feel any better (if you believe in it), I'll pray for you. Good luck honey :]
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