A
female
age
30-35,
*113yx8
writes:Hey, so I really need help! My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. Around this time last year I broke up with him because I was not "in love" after all that time and I've always wanted that "amazing" feeling as everyone describes it. I never felt that with him. I began thinking that there was someone better out there for me. He however is so in love with me and thinks we'll get married one day. When I broke up with him he cried so much and never really got over it. We haden't seen eachother all fall but we got together in November. One thing led to another and we basically started dating again. Everything was great, I went back because the few people I talked in inbetween our break up were all horrible! I was scared that this may be the best thing I'm going to get so it'd be foolish to leave. Now, I'm having these same mixed feelings of him not being 100% the one for me. Part of me wants to break up and the other part, I just feel so bad, like what type of person does the same thing like that twice? It's not fair to him. I'm scared that maybe he is the only good thing I'll get because he realy is great. My conflict is that maybe I just will never have that "in love" feeling with anyone so why leave someone that cares about me? Also, I'm leaving 8 hours away for school next year so I know I'll barely see him anyways so it seems like if not now, we'll break up then so why drag it on? I'm so confused. I don't want to make another mistake! Do I stay or go?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2012): you're asking is it more fair to him to break up a second time or to stay with him.
I think it's more fair to him to break up so he can find someone who will love him back as much as he would love them.
if he's stuck with you, he won't experience what it's like to receive love.
if you stay with him, you'd be doing it for selfish reasons because you really would want someone better if you had the chance. I can assure you that there will come a day when you will meet someone that you are more attracted to and more compatible with. it may not happen in the foreseeable future, it could happen years from now, but I believe it will happen. Then if you're still stuck with this guy you'd be in a terrible situation having invested X number of years with him, and him investing that much time into you, maybe by then even planning marriage, and then now you find someone better that you want to be with. You'll feel horrible if you leave him then. And yet you'll feel horrible if you give up that new person to continue to stay with him and will resent him for being an obstacle to your opportunities.
so really, the answer is...if you're not "feeling it" with someone, then you shouldn't stay in a relationship with them. Don't keep them around as a security blanket until you happen to find someone you prefer. break up with him, it is best for him in the long run. explain to him that having tried a second time to make this relationship work (no one can say you didn't try), has proven beyond a doubt that this isn't meant to be. at least you can say that you tried.
A
female
reader, cheers  +, writes (16 April 2012):
 hi there. I feel you are a kind person. Not to hurt his feeling by going back with him.
But at the same time. you need to search your Soul clearly what you want in this life. Is current relationship that you really want for life committed marriage? Does it makes you feel happy? Touch your heart now,close your eyes...what's your wishes and yearn to have?
Pls answer frankly. It's your life decisions for future happiness. Decisions is yours. we,agony aunties respect it! All the best
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 April 2012):
 You are not ready to commit but you want to make sure there is a safety net in case one day you want a relationship. If you want to spare the pain of dumping him, tell him what he would expect while you are away next year, and let him come to his own conclusion that a long distance relationship wouldn't work, adding on to the fact that this relationship has always been shaky.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2012): Break up with him. Save him the pain he'll feel in the future. Do it respectfully. And don't talk to him again. From his side, it hurts too much to be strung along like you are doing.
On the other hand, maybe you do love him, you just have some overly romanticized idea of what love is.
Have you been in love before?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2012): While you will feel bad breaking up with him a second time if you're not sure he's the one for you you're doing him a favor by ending things now rather than waiting.
You're young, and just because the couple of people you talked to when you were broke up didn't feel right doesn't mean that there isn't someone out there for you.
It sounds like you need to end things with him.
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