A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently met this guy some days back through a mutual friend and we had some chemistry. We went out and then I stayed over at his place because it was already too late to get to mine which is far. He tried to get intimate with me. I wanted it because I like him a bit and he's so attractive but I refused (me being me and having morals). I then asked him to be honest with me did he want just sex because am attractive or he what. To my utmost suprise he said he actually wanted a serious relationship. Could he be telling the truth or still wants to get down with me because he hasn't? I am very confused. Like what kind of guy tries to get intimate on a first date because we really haven't tlked much since our first meeting. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2015): I would never stay at guys house I was dating unless I wanted sex with them. If they invited me to stay and had only just started dating me it is obvious that's what's on the agenda.
Plus if you don't really know them you are putting yourself in a really vulnerable position. Not to be too paranoid here but there are men that rape and kill women in their home and 9 times out of 10 the women went in there willingly. I like to have A LOT of dates with someone before I even visit their house, let alone stay the night. It's not to do with sex it's about getting an idea about the person to know if you can trust them or not. Nothing is fool proof, but why take the risk?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2015): The "typical guy" tries to get intimate on the first date, if he thinks the opportunity is available to him.
If you don't know a guy that well, it's a bit risky staying at his place overnight. He figures sex is on the agenda.
Did you say you felt it was too far to go home, but let him know there would be no hanky-panky? Or did you use this as an opportunity to see just how attracted he was to you?
Don't be a tease. To yourself or anybody else. Make prior arrangements to get yourself home, don't spend the night with guys unless sex IS on your mind.
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A
male
reader, mfj78  +, writes (14 August 2015):
The best advice I can give you is never stay at a mans mouse, flat or room unless you have the intention of sleeping with him.
In such a situation you never know if, behind closed doors, the perfect gentleman will turn nasty and force you into something.
Or temptation will get in the way of a sensible judgement or if you will end up with a spiked drink.
You sound surprised he tried to get intimate but, to be blunt, if you were staying over at his place it was naïve not to expect him to assume sex would happen. I'm not saying staying at someones home SHOULD equal sex, but realistically some men will think you "owe them" or have in some way "agreed" to sex if you agree to stay over and can be forceful or worse.
You sound a nice person and you have good morals but you need to make better judgements. Sorry but it was naïve to stay over if you didn't want sex as, although on this occasion, you were unscathed, in future you might not be so lucky.
Also, asking someone if they are just after sex is pointless. How many men are going to say "Oppps ive been rumbled, yes I just needed a hole for one night!"? Non!
He wouldn't lower himself or want to create upset by admitting it. He SAYS he wants a serious relationship but SHOWS he wanted sex at the first chance he got. Judge his actions not his words.
You've not heard much since? Theres your answer.
Mark
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 August 2015):
 It is hard to tell, BUT having the first date that ends at his house? Not smart. Even if you have met him through friends, he is still a stranger to you.
He could be saying he wants something serious, because he KNOWS that is what you want and girls are more willing to drop their knickers if he say he is looking for something serious.
He might BE serious that he wants a relationship. My guess is he never said he wanted one with YOU....
So stick to DAY time dates or don't stay out so late that you HAVE to stay at his.
Use common sense.
Take your time getting to know him.
If he pushes for sex, and you aren't really ready, tell him or walk away.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (14 August 2015):
Impossible to tell. I met my own husband over a kinky sex proposition, which I accepted because it sounded like fun, he was absolutely adorable, and I didn't feel there was any danger of getting attached. Little did I know.
We're inseparable, and he is truly the best friend I've ever had.
That said, there are a LOT of guys who will say whatever you want to hear to get what they want.
In my situation, I had nothing to lose because I wasn't looking for anything serious. Your situation and desires are different, so I would recommend sticking by your values and morals and not jumping right into bed until you know him better. And I'd avoid staying at his house overnight until you're committed and ready to do the deed, lest temptation get the best of you.
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