A
male
age
36-40,
*rOveranalysing
writes:Sometimes when I go on a date with people, I'm not quite sure how it went. Sometimes I think it went well and I don't hear back from them. Is it worth messaging and saying "hey, would you like go on another date?" even after a a few days after date once they haven't gotten back to you. Or is the fact they havent messaged a good indication they weren't interested? I have a tendency to obsess over people an start imagining that maybe there was a spark, but my lack of action or follow up was to blame. On some dates i feel they are flirtatious and so on. To prevent myself getting obsessed after date, surely its always worth asking "did u see this as more of a friendship chemistry?". Also is directly putting your cards on the table possibly preventing future attraction from developing? People might find it intense and too direct.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 January 2017):
 Do not ask if she feels it's more of a friendship chemistry. Why? Because that implies that YOU find it to be more like friendship chemistry. If you want her to think of you as a friend, then mention the word "friend". If you want her to think of your as a boyfriend, then mention the word "boyfriend" a bit more often. Or, better yet, ask her out on another date after the first date is over. Yes, right away! Either then and there in person, or over a text within an hour or two afterwards. Do NOT wait several days. Do it immediately. With dating, unless you already know the person extremely well, you need to be active and get the first dates over with fast, because you need to get to know each other, and that takes more than just one date. You need quick communication and to show a clear interest. Otherwise, you will be easy to forget after just one date. She doesn't know you that well after one date, she's not going to be in love with you after one date. She needs more time with you to get to the point where she can see you as more, and to connect with you. And you need to move fast, or else she will lose interest and forget about you.
Ask her out again if you feel like YOU want to see her again. If she says no, then you have your answer, she didn't feel the right chemistry. DO NOT ASK IF SHE FEELS IT'S FRIENDSHIP CHEMISTRY. What could she possibly reply with to such a question? You'd be putting her on the stop, it'd kill all possible romance, and it would imply that you don't like her enough to ask her out, and that you'd rather try to have her chase you, because you can't be bothered. So no, do not ask such a question. Simply ask her out on a second date.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 January 2017):
 LOL @ Denizen
OP, if you feel a date is going well, the conversation is flowing and time is flying, IT IS OK to ask at the end of the date if she wants to go for a second date. If she says yes you two get your heads together and find a day that works. DO NOT LEAVE it all up to her when, where etc. DO take some initiative and PLAN a date.
Like, let's say you talked art and you happen to know a good show that's on, suggest you go see it and have lunch (or dinner or drinks after). If you talked movies (see what's playing around you and suggest THAT for a date followed by drink/food where you can ACTUALLY talk - little hard in a cinema, but that is also good to learn to feel comfortable sitting in the dark with NO pressure watching a movie.)
I would NOT wait several days after a date that went well to call or text. I'd fire a "thanks for last night that was fun! Let's do it again!" (if you didn't already make plans for a second date at the END of date #1) If you did AGREE to have a second date, then USE what you TALKED about with her, her interests or maybe a shared interest and figure something out for date #2.
And NO do NOT ask "did u see this as more of a friendship chemistry?" NO NO NO. YOU are NOT looking for friendship, right? So don't suggest that you are or that she might be. NOPE.
And no don't put your cards on the table right away either. You are not playing Go Fish, right? TAKE the time to get to know a girl to SEE if she ACTUALLY is a good match for you in person. It's not "too intense" it's too much!
Go slow. Don't try and RUSH something because you would LIKE to be in a relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2017): Hey ______. I really liked spending time with you tonight. I had a lot fun. I really hope to see you again. Talk to you later. Goodnight.
A girl is not going to contact you first. You have to pursue her. But if she ignores you and doesn't return your calls or texts, cut her loose; she's not interested.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (12 January 2017):
 Yes of course try and arrange another date. She isn't going to call you, you numpty! Preferably ask her before you part for the evening on date one.
And don't say anything as geeky as, "Did u see this as more of a friendship chemistry?" Act normal. Be yourself. You are supposed to be enjoying each other's company. If she likes you more will come later.
Take it step by step - but baby steps. Her body language will tell you if she wants to be kissed and caressed. But not all on the first date, please.
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