A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is a question concerning my best friend from school. She is 27 years old and was very "normal"...good at studies, we spent time together, had crushes...the works. I left my hometown a few yrs back to pursue higher studies, and I dont get to see her that often, but I really want to help her out of this bizarre situation.So here goes.. A few yrs back, she was in love with a total creep, who she used to talk with over the phone. They just had telephonic conversations for a few days, and then this guy moved away and gave her phone number to a friend of his, and thats where the problem started. She claimed to have fallen in love again, with this new guy. They were physically involved,and she started asking him to marry her. He dumped her at once and asked her to F*#k off and she was really depressed. If this wasn't enough, a friend of this guy's got the lead that my friend was the "available" sorts, and he gave her a shoulder to cry on. She was in "love" again...the pathetic chain continued, she got dumped YET again, and now she's havin a continous chain of disastrous relationships and each one of them is a failure.Now she is probably on the verge of another break-up! Its like she almost offers herself to these men!! She doesnt even mind getting physical anymore,and I heard from a mutual friend that she talks dirty with random guys at night, and yet on the surface, she behaves like nothing is wrong!! Its almost become a joke and she doesnt seem to think there is a problem!! i JUST dont get it!!!Its a clear thing that all these guys are just using her and she seems to enjoy these self destructive relationships.At this age when people generally like to settle down in life,she is still so wayward.She has nobody in her family to guide her or to talk to,so she thinks whatever she's doing is right. Her dad is a raging alcoholic and her mom doesnt have a say in anything. The family is basically in shambles. She is gradually turning into a prostitute and i feel so helpless seeing all this in front of me, and yet not being able to do anything. Iv tried talking to her a million times about this, but she evades the topic and actually defends these scoundrels, and believes they are good!! How can somebody be in "love" so many times like this, get jilted and yet not see it?? Does she like being used? What is wrong with her and can I do anything to help her? Is this a disorder? Thanks in advance for the advice!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for you insight. Its always nice to hear a rational point of view...most people I know just brand her as a slut...but i know she's not! U know Iv tried talking to her, but Im always the bad guy...she just doesnt seem to relate to what I say. I have a boyfriend who's my high school sweetheart and he completely adores me, so I think at some level she thinks that I have it all, and I dont want her to be happy or something! I know its weird, but human relations are always complicated!! Anyway, Il keep trying...I dont really get offended by her thought process...she's just in a really bad place to think straight.
The book you mentioned seems like a very good read..il make sure I read it.
Thanks again! :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2010): I think she is trying to find somebody to love. Of course this is not the right way to do it. By the way you described the situation it reminds me of a book ive read called "Loose Girl" by Kerry Cohen [its a relly good book, I suggest reading it]. But anyway in the book the girl is sleeping with a bunch of men trying to find love through physical attraction. Maybe this is what your friend is doing because she feels alone, especially with whats going on in her family. Have you tried talking to her? Let her know it is wrong and she could get hurt, by what youve said it sounds like she already has. Encourage her to talk to somebody, like a therapist instead of another creepy guy. Let her know that shes not alone, that your there. I wish you and your friend the very best.:]
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