A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 25 year old girl and I really need help. I have really "bad luck" with dating. I never dated in high school, the only date I've ever been on was when I was 21. This guy treated me horribly - he said he was desperate for sex and then belittled and criticized me for being so "old" and not willing to do anything with him. I was shocked by how little respect he showed for me. After that I thought, "Is this all I can expect?" Every other guy I've been interested in just wanted to be friends and no one else has ever shown any interest in me. Recently I joined a dating website but again I've had no interest. I'm starting to feel like there's something "wrong" with me. Every time I try to talk about my fears though, I'm just dismissed with, "Oh, you're pretty" and "it'll happen." I think they're just trying to be nice - but I can handle not so nice, I just want some honesty. I know that I'm a good, friendly person and that people like me but when it comes to guys and dating, they have no interest in me. I am obese but that doesn't mean I should have trouble dating - people of all sizes have romantic relationships. So what's wrong with me? Another concern is my age - I don't want to have a random hook-up with a stranger, especially for my first time. I want to go on dates and maybe have a boyfriend. I'm also though very sexually frustrated so it's hard to not be interested in guys. I'm really confused and distraught. What could possibly be "wrong" with me? Should I just give up on ever expecting more? Am I being unreasonable though in expecting guys to treat me with respect? Is the only reason why bigger girls ever have boyfriends is because the guys can't do any better and are desperate? Is the only thing I can ever hope for is being "used"? (Just the thought, and I want to cry.) If so, how do I stop myself from wanting a romantic relationship and thinking about dating and guys?Please don't just say there's nothing wrong and be patient because I've been patient because I've been told that since I was 15. There has to be something seriously wrong with me to be 25 and never get any attention or interest from men. I mean, the only consistent factor is me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your feedback but honestly, I've been told to be patient and there's someone for everyone for so long. I usually do not dwell on it but because I recently turned 25, I really can't "buy" that anymore. If guys have never liked me by now then why would they ever? What would change? I'll still be me and unfortunately, that's not good enough.
As for getting out there, I do. I joined a club last year, this year I did an art class. I'm also in school. So, it's not like I'm not out there. And I didn't do those things to meet guys, I did them for myself.
I get so down on myself as a result and I just don't know how to "ignore" my sexuality and pretend I don't care.
A
female
reader, survivor1987  +, writes (14 December 2008):
youre so young yet.. there is someone for everyone, and you will find him.
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A
male
reader, saltwater  +, writes (14 December 2008):
 Firstly, nothing is wrong with you. What you are doing wrong though is thinking and dwelling on things far too much.
It is more common than not that someone actually meets their perfect partner when they aren't really looking. You are obsessing too much about finding a partner, and because you are not succeeding it makes everything worse; and it makes you question yourself.
The guy who you dated when you were 21 is a complete idiot; I am sorry that you had to go through that experience. He has given you the impression that men who date obese girls are desperate; this is absolutely not the case. Physical appearance should never be the sole factor -- if at all -- in relationships.
To get attention and interest, you have to expose yourself to as many people as possible. Join evening classes, go places that interest you, persist with online dating; sitting at home questioning yourself as a person will get you nowhere, and will make things worse.
You *do* have to be patient, but at the same time you have to be reasonable. Relationships and love don't just happen out of the blue; they aren't based on rash decisions or impulse feelings; and if they are, those relationships seldom work out.
In almost all cases, you just have to put yourself there and meet as many people as possible. It's the best thing you can do.
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