A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What's wrong with me? I broke up with my bf of 5 years, it has been the most difficult thing I have ever had to go through. A year and a half later and I still feel as if I got kicked in the gut. I caught him cheating, he is now living with the girl...they may have even married (I told her all about what he was doing, but I guess she forgave him) The lies he had to tell had to be good. He was lying all the time as is, because she would ask me and we started confirming with one another. My other girlfriends are going through divorces and they are all acting as if its a drop in the hat. No problem. Why am I struggling? I'm hurt and scared. I really want to sign them up for the program Cheaters....would that be a horrible thing for me to do? I don't want to hurt anyone, I just want to help Karma out a little bit because she seems to have a lot on her plate. Help!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2010): Are you being honest with yourself that you want to help this woman out, or are you still just upset about this man cheating?
Try to keep out of their relationship. Triangles are very messy. Let them work it out - or not - themselves. And try to move on yourself.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): "other girlfriends are going through divorces and they are all acting as if its a drop in the hat"
Well, it isn't, and they are burying all the crap so that nobody can see it.
Really, you are human, we are all, and at some level this bothers all of us even if we hide it. Those of us who acknowledge our pain and grief and deal with it are the best off in the long run. I know this is hard to hear, but 1 year is a short period of time dealing with this, give yourself a couple years to work on it, and watch out with your next relationship as it will be hard to work into trusting.
Also, be careful that you don't do what was done to you, this can be something that occurs in future relationships if we don't deal with our grief and loss and pain.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk you all win! I won't sign him up for the program Cheaters, however if you are all in the Seattle region and you see him on the side of the street would you atleast give him the bird! ....just a little bird! Thank you!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 December 2010):
 Whatever the reason was why he cheated KNOW, ACCEPT and UNDERSTAND that is wasn't YOUR doing.
So....
1. forgive yourself if you even thought it was your fault (or if he made you feel like it was your fault he cheated.)
2. Forgive the chick he is with now. I feel sorry for her already, she is with a lying cheating cold hearted bastard, but look at it this way..... SHE did you a favor. She took this douche-lord of your hands!
3. Forgive him, he is not worth all that wasted emotion.
4. Forget about revenge (yeah you call it Karma, but only Karma can do the whole "Karma's a bitch!")
5. It's OK to mourn the end of a relationship. But it is ALSO time to look back and LEARN from the experience, the good & the bad.
6. Think of the ended relationship as a mental picture. A handful of balloons, and then let them go.
KNOW that you deserve more, but also that YOU are in charge of YOUR happiness.
CUT his totally out of your life. Don't check out his MyFace or whatever.
Time to FOCUS on yourself and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): This has affected you very deeping. You are dewelling on things, mulling them over and generally tormenting yourself. Forget thoughts of getting your own back in some way. Say to yourself, this is over, and work on keeping yourself busy, see friends, do anything to keep yourself from getting bogged down in negative thoughts. We all know it's hard but you will get over it if you give yourself a chance.
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A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (3 December 2010):
 Hi Anom,
I think you should get over it and move on so that your life doesnt feel with hate. Right now you are spending time thinking of this instead of giving other nice guys out there a chance. Is being a year half and is time to start afresh.
Hugs
Kelly
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (3 December 2010):
 I understand how you feel. But that's the good and wonderful thing about Karma, is although she may have a lot on her plate, she still manages to get around to everyone who is deserving of her wrath.
I would leave it alone. Move on. And eventually Karma is going to come around like she always does.
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