| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: hi i no i am young i no i am inexperianced i am told this so often i want to take on the world at times others i want to hide away where no one would ever find me eversince my gcses (i got mainly cs when i could of got bs because i didn't revise) i have had a major setback i don't feel like working anymore, i often think why bother?i will not suceed there is no chance for me in this world. i feel inferior and different to those around me i am an abstract expressionist, art means a lot to me i feel incomplete without it but the rest of my class mates and the people around me seem to be all realists i get underminded all the time for being arty, patronized for being me i hate it i have never truly fitted in. At times i can feel socially isolated from those around me you see last year i wore skirts over jeans neon clothes anything to be different and i loved it it gave me an adrenaline rush but now it haunts me i feel trapped by the very thing i fought so much for. The other thing is that i have this friend who i know really loves me he said he would die for me if the ocasion called for it but i cannot return his feelings but because i have a spiritual connection with him i feel his pain i know that he is hurting becuase o i can not explain it i just know i have hurt him so badly. We have not seen each other in around 2 months now and usally i see him every 2/1 week its really hurting me i do not want to tell my boyfriend becuase i want to be with my boyfriend and not my guy mate. im scard of change too, ive just started sixth form i miss all my old friends i miss my old life i do not want to grow up iam not ready for it yet but time will not stop for me.I do not know where to go anymore my friends are all bitching about each other behind each others backs and come to me to exploit each other but i have had it! i do not like it i hate two faced people i do not know what to make of my life help is there something wrong with me?or am i simply being a hypocondriac?emo?
View related questions:
trapped Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmy grandads died recently my other granparents died but they were not my biological granparents as mi mums adopted he was a similer artist 2 what i am or so im told bi mi mum he died a few months ago i waso n holi wen it happend and my horrible aunt (mums sister) didnt tell us he had died she did not even invite us to the furneral but why did i no feel sad then and feel sad now?i put it down to delayed reactions but i feel so sad ive only just realised that im never going to see him again, never going to see us paintings again ( my aunt took everything) or nething in his old flat i can not even remember what he looks like any more. i keep crying alot lately but i dont know why im not telling anyone i just broke down today and sat down in a toilet cubicle head on knees crying quietly so noone could here me my teachers are shouting at me to do my work but truth is i can not focus im hurting inside most of the time that i often daydream out of the window watching birds flying longing to be free to fly away from it all
A
female
reader, CarrieMagdelene  +, writes (19 February 2007):
 It's a pretty rought time to be a teenage girl, huh! For me it still is, and I'm over 18! But it's gotten SO much better for me, though.
I was exactly the same way. I live in a drab town, so I wanted to be different. I was nice and fun and friendly, and I wore miniskirts and hot pink tights or fishnet, or...Or a bright yellow sweatshirt that said 'Sunkissed' on it in orange, ANYTHING to be different. I felt like I should have crawled under a rock after a while.
I was pretty arty. I liked everything about everyone, and admired thier differences and similarities. I still do, but I don't voice it so much.
I guess it's just something I went through that changed my whole perspective and way I was. It was depressing and scary and I felt awkward and uninvited everywhere I went. I felt like I was too stupid or dumb to be there, and went through a lot of stuff in my head, blaming myself for being awkward and quiet...It was frustrating and terrifying, wondering if I was normal. But hey, I realized I'm who I am, and I calmed down. It's an awkward time for you, and I went through it too! It gets better after a little while. Just find peace with yourself...Do what you love, be what you love, and go talk to that boy! Good luck, girlie! -Carrie
...............................
|
