A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, i have so many times read about exes on this and the advice given to such problems. But I have a question...What is your opinion about being friends with an ex? Well, I know it is best to just forget about them totally but what if in my case, i would feel worse not talking to him at all? I don't want him to think I am bitter about our separation which I am not. I want us to separate in good terms and being friends is a good start. Not that I want us to see each other everyday, I don't care if I don't see him anymore or will never speak to him again. As long as we both know we wished each other well and that past is past and in the future, if we bump on each other, the friendship is still there.I don't want my ex to think ill of me. I prefer that he remembers me as the ex he had good times with and not the one he prefers not to remember at all. But how do I end it with a friendship?What do you all think, is this a good idea?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010): You'll have to understand the male mind to answer this one. My gf talks to her exes alot and it really gets to me. She used to date these guys and that means she once felt something for them. So the current guy me is worried about her feeling something for them again. The occasional text or facebook message is ok but a guy should feel like he's all yours and he should not feel like he is competing with your exes
A
female
reader, visione +, writes (2 February 2010):
 I think its fine as long as the period of no contact was long enough that both parties have gotten over each other completely. Like pinktopaz mentioned, most people forget or can't be bothered with it by that time though.
I think most people who give advice to others telling them not to stay friends with their ex is because the situation presented pointed to one or both parties not being "over" each other. Especially with longer relationships, it takes some people well over a year to get over their love.
I don't think what you describe is really friendship - you mention you don't care if you don't see your ex or even talk to him anymore... how does that fit a friendship description? You often hang out with and talk to friends, right? I think what you are trying to ask is: Is it alright to remain on good terms with my ex? Because the answer to that is definitely yes! Whether the ex shares the same views or not is out of your control though.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (2 February 2010):
You don't have to be their friend to be nice to them. If you run into them, of course be nice or whatever, you don't have to be mean. Basically in my mind a boyfriend is a friend of the opposite sex who you are intimate with. Well if you couldn't make it as friends before, then why would you make it as friends after? I know that people I don't want to be friends with anymore, I don't care to be chummy with. I think it's okay AFTER the feelings for one another subsided, that way one person isn't longing after one another or someone gets jealous.
Besides that, it gets in the way of future relationships. The new boyfriend or girlfriend may not be comfortable with that and I think they have a right to feel that way. A breakup takes letting go and healing. If you keep that person there in your life, you can't heal properly and get over them as you should. Once both people have moved on, then they can be friends; but usually by then, they don't care anymore. And as far as him having bad thoughts toward you, it doesn't matter if you stay friends or not. If you weren't a good girlfriend to him, then he'll think that whether or not you're friends now. If you were good to him and things ended and you end up not being friends, he'll still know that you were good to him.
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