A
female
age
30-35,
*ENETANYA
writes:would you think it was worse if someone cheated on you just because they thought someone was good looking and there were no feelings involved, or if they were in love with someone else they knew well (a good friend) and got drunk and and cheated on you with them. i'm not saying it even has to be sex, just kissing or a bit more...i can understand why the thought of the person you love feeling something for another must really really hurt (even if they are sure that it's you the want to be with)but, on the other hand, if it was me at least if they were in love i could understand it was harder to resist, whereas if it were only lust i might forgive but it would hurt that the one i love would be willing to hurt me sooo much JUST because they saw somebody attractive, maybe after 50 years of marriage, but after a year or two...it would hurt me more (i think)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2010): Emotional attraction tends to play a larger role in women's decision to have sex than men's. Women tend to find these affairs more understandable. And women feel most threatened by emotional affairs.
Men are the opposite. More physically motivated, they can understand physical affairs better, and they are more threatend by physical affairs.
It is natural selection working. These are the patterns that make sense for people to pass on their genes.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (24 August 2010):
Cheating is cheating. Either is bad. If you cheat because someone is attractive, then your partner isn't enough for you. If you cheat because you love someone, then your partner enough for you. Same reason, really. A cheat's a cheat.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 August 2010):
 Cheating is cheating.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (24 August 2010):
 Basically it hurts either way. But in my opinion if there are feelings or emotions involved it is much worse. Anyone can get a bit drunk and have a kiss with someone else, or end up in bed with them. Yes that means you have appalling self control and clearly do not respect your partner enough to stop yourself - but at least it does not mean that you have feelings for that person. These days sex, or kissing, can be with anyone and it does not imply that there are feelings involved. So I think it is a lot easier to forgive something that is purely physical - because this just means the cheater is weak and gave in to temptation.
Whereas with emotional cheating (that might not even involve any physical contact at all) - this means that the cheater has allowed themselves to be in a situation where feelings have grown. It is much easier to remove yourself from a person, distance yourself from them if you feel you are developing feelings for them - compared to being a bit drunk and ending up in bed with someone, that is a one off rather than it being a prolonged development of feelings.
Sex or kissing can be fogiven because it does not mean there is a lasting bond with that person, whereas emotional cheating means there is someone else who has a place in their hearts and that is horrible. Everyone can make mistakes, find someone attractive and give in to that temptation. That can be forgiven. But allowing yourself to fall in love with another person can be prevented, and if you have not got the decency or respect for your partner to stop yourself then you should not be in that relationship.
You dont just fall in love with someone by accident, you have to spend lots of time alone with that person, being close to them and sharing personal and intimate feelings/thoughts with them. To fall in love with someone you put yourself into a situation where this is possible, therefore it can be prevented. If you truly love your current partner, and respect them and want to be with them - then you would never allow yourself to get into a situation where you can fall for another. To fall for someone else clearly highlights there are problems in the current relationship and/or you WANT to fall for that other person.
Cheating hurts, full stop. But from my experience, and from being on this site many years now, the majority of people find it much easier to forgive a drunken fumble than an emotional affair.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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