A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:After a night of her crying on my shoulder over the last douche bag to cheat on her, my best friend of over a decade and I slept together. Believe me, I've been totally in love with her since we pretty much met and believe me, it was totally not how I wanted it to happen. If it was my choice, we would've been together for a few months and it wouldn't have felt like I was taking advantage of her.After a week of awkward silences, I finally got her to open up about it. She rejected one of my worst fears by saying that I'm the best she's ever had (I've NEVER known her to lie). Honestly, that did wonders for my self esteem (I'm 6'3" and 280 lbs; she's 5'3" and 115 lbs). I'm also a hairy f**ker. She has a history of dating semi-flabby guys but never to the point of obesity (which is where I am according to the BMI charts).Anyway, she said she's not ready for another relationship and I completely understand that. I'm willing to give her space while she figures out what she wants to do but something I'm not willing to do is have a sex-only relationship. This is something SHE wants to do. And yeah, I've already heard all the bullshit about how bad that could be and also asking why I'm not going for it because "it's every guy's dream". I'm not gonna do that to her and I sure as hell won't do that to me, either!I care way too much about her but lately, she's been trying to get me into bed. Believe me, it's tempting as hell. She's beautiful and I can't believe how perfect her body is. When we met, we were both on the brink of puberty and her chest was completely non existent and I sounded like a squirrel. Now we're 22 and good lord... when she has running shorts and a tank top on and she bends over in front of the fridge to get me a beer... *sweats* (Yeah, we live together as room mates.)I'm getting off track here. The point is that I want to know how to get her to start thinking seriously about me. I know I can make her happy, she's told me that, all our of friends see how obvious that is, but she won't commit, yet! She's driving me crazy! It's been three months since she's become single and I want something more! What does a fat f**k like me have to do to get through to an extremely hot girl like her!?
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (28 May 2011):
 You need to tell her how you feel. You've been sitting on that information this whole time. It's time to come clean. If you don't want to be just be her re-bound guy she has sex with to improve her battered ego, you have to tell her how you feel about her, and what you'd like to have (a relationship, not just mind-blowing sex). Maybe once it's out there, she'll realize that it's worth a try. Afterall she's had her fill of douche bags. And if she gives you a sweet peck on the cheek and says, "Oh silly I'm not ready for a relationship just yet." then you have to stop having sex with her and allow her to fly. (because that's code for 'you're not my type' but your here and I need an ego boost). Good luck.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 May 2011):
 You sound like a great catch- and btw a visit to a beauty salon would turn you into a ssmooth, hairless catch :)- and I feel like the wicked fairy godmother in expressing my opinion, but here it is .
when people say they are not ready for a relationship, they mean they are not ready for a relationship with YOU. In other words, you are not enough to make them overcome their doubts and fears and join the dating game again, .. but someone else might be.
Life has a forward motion, and human nature is resilient and loves challenges and risks. Meeting the right person , with the right chemistry, makes you brave and reckless no matter how badly you have been hurt in the past.
One could say that she just needs time to really "see" you and realize what a great partner you could be- but in your case, she must know that already. You have been friends for the past 10 years, you are even roommmates ! I bet she knows you well, and she likes you and appreciates you a lot, - just not in a romantic way .
And the fact she has asked you to be FWB- well, it's surely flattering because it means you turn her on- but tbh in all my life I still have to see an FWB upgraded to love story. I think she has got you pegged for a supporting role , not for the lead character.
Of course in life, never say never, and never give up witout having fought for what you want.
So, maybe the best is that you continue not accepting her sex only deal, and continue to show her how well you would treat her and what a good guy you are. But... do not continue undefinitely. Give yourself a certain limited time to let her "see the light "- and after that, if nothing changes, move on- even if it should mean also moving out.
Otherwise you risk to be stuck for YEARS in a grey area that will only be comfortable for HER.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 May 2011):
 "What does a fat f**k like me have to do to get through to an extremely hot girl like her!?"
I personally wouldn't ever describe myself the same way you do. Take some pride in yourself for starters, perhaps that will help you out.
As for the question you asked, haven't you already gotten through to her? She had sex with you. You're also close friends. You're in. She just won't commit. I can image a few reasons for why she wont commit, each with it's own solution.
1. you don't have a spark. She's not in love. She sees you as a comfort blanket, and not a challenging romance that will sweep her off her feet. Solution: court her properly and see if she falls in love. This will take time. The other drastic way to go in this situation is to make her see what she's missing out on. You need to be careful if you go in this direction, but the basic idea is that you go on dates with other women (or pretend to go on dates), or act very nice towards other female friends of yours, and be charming towards them, give other females attention so she will feel like she must fight to keep your attention on her. That would trigger her into seeing you as someone she's not willing to share.
2. She might not want to commit for the exact reason she told you: she's not ready for a relationship. In this case, be firm and tell her that you have sincere feelings for her, and that you will not have sex with her unless she is your girlfriend. Sex is a privilege. If she wants the milk, she needs to buy the cow, as the saying goes. Or, she can get her sex elsewhere. But talk to her as a friend, and tell her that it would be a lack of self respect on her part if she chose to sleep around without commitment from the guy. Tell her it's her choice what she wants to do, and you will be her friend if that is the case, but you are not her lover. You consider yourself to be worth more than a FWB relationship.
You need to picture yourself as a prize she needs to work to get, in both these scenarios. This girl is used to having her way based on her looks, and she thinks you're easy to get with since you're "less" than her. Don't blame her, the only reason she thinks this way is because you think this way about yourself. After all, you say you're a fat f%%k.
Be confident. Behave like you're a special prize. She's got a little taste of what you have to offer, but any special treatment is for that one special girl in your heart: your girlfriend (the idea of a girlfriend). If she wants top class treatment, and all benefits, she needs to take on the role as a girlfriend. Make her work for it! Don't sell yourself cheap! If you're a good guy, and she's a good girl, she WILL work to get you, looks are irrelevant.
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A
male
reader, a-g55  +, writes (28 May 2011):
 You will scare her off if you get too intense.enjoy every bit of attention you can and aim to make her feel good around you so you natrually transition into what you want.if your spending more time together and your having sex then essentially your doing what me and my gf have been doing since we met.you dont need a fancy label.play it cool. Im an expert with women psycology so feel free to message me if your not sure what she means by a certain action.read up on my article. how to tell if a girl likes you... you want to look out for her subconcious signals that she wants to get intimate and jump on them. that will end up making her wet for you!
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