A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:What is the easiest way to let down a friend that wants to be more? I have a friend that I get on well with but am not really really close to me, recently he's been keener and keener about doing things with me(just hanging out and stuff) and texts me and emails me a lot. Most of the time I reply,but shortly and the rest I just don't reply. He also changes his status on facebook whenever we speak to things like 'I really like you' and things, and compliments me a lot. Since he has never said to me that he does or doesn't like me i don't want to assume it and then never see him but equally i really don't want to lead him on when i know I don't want anything to happen between us.. (Just come out of a big relationship blah blah blah) I've tried talking about other people, talking about how I don't want anything to happen and things.. but I really don't think he's getting the point. is it better to lose him now before we got too close? ( i think he has liked me for a while.. since Februaryish) please help, I've had this situation before and I never seem to get it right.. xx
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male
reader, jordrodg +, writes (15 April 2008):
Hey, try not to be too clinical - i wouldnt advise a serious chat. angelagonyaunt's advice on not taking up all his offers is good, i think a subtle let down in this case would be the best option. I say this because i feel that he may be embarrassed by a proper talk, he could deny his true feelings for you or just play it cool but avoid you from there on. Don't give him any reason to think you may like him too if you don't, and be careful how you respond to his compliments. If things do not seem to change after you've tried to subtley shrug him off or he becomes more eager, then a straight up talk with him will have to do. If he cant take the hint and realise he may lose you as a friend then it will have to be his loss.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou so much for all your help!
I guess i just wanted to avoid a 'serious' chat but maybe its the best thing because i really don't want things to go wrong /get worse..
and fingers crossed!
thanks!!XX
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): Hi hun, I have just had the same problem as you have now and would like you not to make the mistake i did. You need to know how he feels now before you go and get a boyfriend (even if on isn't on the cards at the minute) as things may get messy if you leave the situation to grow.
I have just lost my friend through similar cirumstances, its best if everything is out in the open now rather than later. x
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A
male
reader, salvation +, writes (15 April 2008):
well just talk to him and be honest let him know what you think and that you cant be anything more with him. Honestly there is no easy way to let people down because no matter what they get hurt but if your honest,nice and understandin it will work out.
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A
female
reader, angelblueeyes +, writes (15 April 2008):
 Hi there,
Truthfully the only way is to be honest, you have to talk with him say that you get the impression he wants more from you than friendship (then hopefully you will know the truth)
If he does then you will have to explain to him that you dont feel that way about him & that you think he is a great friend & all but thats all you can offer & that you dont see him in the way that he would like you too.
I hope that helps you a bit
Take care
Lu x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): Make sure you are just matey, nothing else, then he wont get the wrong idea. If he does tell you how he feels, tell him you think you are both better off as mates, and dont want to ruin the friendship. Also, it would be better to not accept every invitation he asks, then he might back off a bit, but you dont have to distance yourself from this boy completely. I've had similar situations, but dont feel bad for turning him down, just make sure you dont lead him on.
x
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