A
male
age
36-40,
*reshApple
writes:What is the difference between these terms or states of a relationship in the American (or Western) culture?* Friendship* Dating* Relationship* Boyfriend/girlfriendThanks Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (30 May 2011):
 Whether or not moving from dating to a relationship is a big deal depends on the person. Some people see it as a huge deal; others don't think too much about it.
"Commitment" is kind of complicated, though. This is just a personal opinion, but I don't think there is such a thing as real commitment anymore, given that any person can end a commitment with one word. But people act and feel like they are committed - the problem being that so many people have different ideas about what that actually means. A lot of questions on this site stem from one person being confused by how the other person treats commitment.
Some people think it's a big deal because it means that someone has chosen them, and that makes them special. Others just see it as a natural part of relationships, and just assume it's there without saying anything.
Really, born-and-raised Americans get confused by this, too. You'll be better off than most, native or not, if you just pay close attention and try to figure out what the other people in your life mean individually. Judge by how they talk, how they act, and what they expect of other people.
A
male
reader, FreshApple +, writes (30 May 2011):
FreshApple is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIs it true that going from dating to a relationship is a BIG deal in America? If so, why? Does it have anything to do with the commitment?
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A
male
reader, FreshApple +, writes (29 May 2011):
FreshApple is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Odds, I have been in US for about 7 years but never really thought about the difference between these terms until recently. Your response was very helpful.I am mostly surrounded by middle- and upper-white class Americans. So, you were right on target. Is there any more details that may help my understanding?
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (29 May 2011):
Western culture is not really one, uniform culture. There are far too many subcultures, all of which are very different from each other, to really get a handle on western culture by itself. To use music as an example, the people you meet at a rap battle will be different from the people you meet line dancing - so different that some common words will have different meanings.
You'll have to find a subculture you like and take the time to learn the terms on your own. Most people are forgiving of foreigners and other new guys who are still learning.
To get you started, in white middle- and upper-middle class America, "friendship" would be two people who enjoy spending time together and can count on each other for help and support. People still debate over whether men and women can have a friendship without sexual tension, but you can safely ignore that for most purposes.
"Dating" is when two people are seeing each other with the hope of developing a romantic relationship. At this stage, there is no commitment or promise of exclusivity, although there may be sex. There is still some debate over whether it's acceptable to date more than person at a time, but it's generally accepted that dating doesn't mean you're promising anything.
"Relationship" is where two people agree to date each other exclusively. People like to say there is commitment in a relationship, although in reality, either person can leave at any time without warning, without penalty. Still, at this point dating other people counts as cheating, and will hurt the other person in the relationship.
"Boyfriend" and "girlfriend" are terms used to describe the members of a relationship. Some people use the term "partner" instead, but that is more closely associated with homosexual relationships.
Hope that helps, and welcome to America!
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A
male
reader, FreshApple +, writes (29 May 2011):
FreshApple is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate: Is there a book or any source that familiarizes non-Americans with the Western culture?
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