A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What is the difference between making love and having sex? Is it more morally right to make love rather than have sex? My BF says he could never just have sex but would like to make love (we are both 19) and just wanted thoughts please, not on us sleeping together as much as the difference between "sex" and "making love". Reply to this Question
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female
reader, MsSadie  +, writes (29 March 2013):
 Call me cynical, but as far as I'm concerned the only people who think that the term "making love" has it's own meaning are a) corny b) trying to bed you c) virgins or d) hopeless romantics.
Cross your fingers that he's D and not A or B.
I guess to him making love means having sex once establishing a genuine romantic connection; he probably views it like the difference between love versus lust.
A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (29 March 2013):
 Personally I dislike the phrase making love! But the difference is being in love or not. It's just words though, you can be madly in love and still call it sex if you want!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 March 2013):
 This is clichéd but the truth is you will know. Sex is a release. Making love does not have to involve sex IMO.
My last husband and I were swingers. WE had sex with folks all the time he used to say “I make love to my wife, I have sex with my friends” and that pretty much summed it up for him.
Some folks use the term “making love” to mean sex because they are too embarrassed to say ‘let’s have sex”
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2013): "My BF says he could never just have sex but would like to make love."
Ah yes, I've used that one to convince many a woman (especially virgins) to start sleeping with me haha, it works a charm too but it's only words.
OP when it comes to a 19 year old that wants to start sleeping with you, there is literally no difference between the two. Why do I say that? Well he said that OP why didn't you ask him what the difference is?
I mean the only thing that matters is his version of the difference here.
If he's a virgin then he doesn't' know the difference either, he's just using a movie line to make having sex sound sweeter.
What's the difference between making love and sex? There is none if you're not actually in love with the person. but for a 19 year old I suppose making love means the slow movie type version of sex. But I can't pound the arse off my fiancée and go really rough and that's still making love because she is my love and that's us cementing our emotional bond through sex.
You asked for thoughts, I think he's only saying that to sweeten the deal and make it sound more appealing to you.
Making love, needs love or it's just sex. It can be passionate, eyes to eyes, slow and sensual sex, that's what most consider making love but I've treated most of my one night stands like that and I didn't even nearly love them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2013): The basic, overly simplistic answer is that "sex" is the term for humans (and sometimes other life forms) performing sexual intercourse. "Making Love" is loosely the term for two people who love each other engaging in sexual intercourse in an intimate and loving way. But that's a little basic. Some people say that lovemaking is morally acceptable and that "sex" isn't. This may be due to religious, moral or ethical beliefs or simply the way they were brought up. But the problem is: how do we decide who is in love and who isnt? And what is love?Firstly "making love" is used as a polite term for sex. A man who had a drunken one night stand with a women he didn't know the name of may use the term "making love" to describe the act in polite company, even though there was no "love" or possibly even respect between the two participants.Secondly, we all experience love in different ways, it means many things to different people and there are different ways to love someone. I have had sexual relationships with people that I thought I loved deeply only to realize with greater experience that it was either a "crush", infactuation, inexperience of emotions/relationships or simply the case that I loved my partner in a different way (like a sister or best friend for instance). At the time I believed I was in love. I felt I was making love. I now know I was mistaken about my feelings or no longer love that person. Does that make what I did immoral? As with most aspects of life the distinction between right and wrong, or moral and immoral, is blurred. Rather than a black and white outlook there is a huge grey area in between. There are 13 year olds with crushes on their teachers who feel desperately "in love" only for their peers to recognise it as a crush. To some people "loving" someone can mean putting up with them after many years and staying together no matter what. There is no score card, no test and no ratings that can be applied to love. With this in mind its impossible to accurately say "couple X are in love and its morally acceptable for them to make love" or "couple Z are not in love and therefore intercourse would not be lovemaking or acceptable". Understanding our emotions takes time and experience. How do we decide when a person has the "experience" and emotional "maturity" to know the difference between being in love and feeling something different such as lust, infactuation or loving someone like a brother? It would be reasonable to expect a 35 year old with lots of relationship experience to understand the difference between love and lust, or love and a crush. But what of an inexperienced 17 year old? And what about the act itself? If we were a fly on the wall in two separate couples bedrooms we may observe one couple sharing their bodies which involves, swearing, violence, inflicting pain onto each other...yet the couple may be happily married and love each other deeply. A second couple may share their bodies in a gentle, intimate, sensual way which involves cuddles, kisses and holding each other close....yet the people concerned may have known each other for five minutes and both see it as a physical release with no feelings involved.SO this then gives us the issue of what is lovemaking in terms of the act itself? a married couple, in the missionary position, lights out and both telling the other that they love them? What about the same act but with a bit of swearing? What about S and M or whipping thrown in? DO they really mean it when they say "I love you?" At what point do we draw a line and say "that, as a physical act, is lovemaking and that is sex"?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2013): They are both very interchangeable terms.Guys who are just having sex with a woman, with no love involved may refer to it as "making love." On the other hand, guys who are in love and exclusive with one girl may refer to it as "having sex." Sometimes even, guys use the term "make love" with a girl he doesn't love just to make it sound romantic so she will think he actually put stock in her and she will be more willing to do it. My boyfriend who loves me straight up says, "I wanna f*** you." So as terms, they are interchangeable, there really is no difference whatsoever. And in practice, sex is sex. There is casual sex, sex with a lover, sex with a friend with benefits...there are a lot of varieties but there are two that draw particular attention. One because it is so good. And the other because it is so bad.One is sex with someone you love and loves you. Nothing beats that, it's the best feeling in the world. Because you both are so happy and inlove and close and intimate. It's amazing. The other is sex with someone who just uses you for sex. They don't care what you have to say, what you do, what you like. They just want to have sex with you, that's all. Then you feel awful cause you feel so used and unloved and dirty. And that pretty much sums it up.
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