A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:ok for you man out there , what is the difference between a girlfriend, friends with benefits or just casual sex with a girl?How do you treat a girl in each of these?I'm asking this because Im a little bit confused about my current relationship. Most of the time he says "call me". He never makes the effort to call me unless he says he will. If he doesn't say call me, or I'll call you tomorrow, we don't talk at all unless I do something about it. This is getting me frustrated. I haven't talked to him about it yet because I don't want to create a thing out of it.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (24 January 2011):
 This is an interesting way you approached the question, by asking for men thought the experiential continuum of "fully committed" down to "booty call" looked like. My initial instinct was to say, if you have to ask, you're booty call. But then in your follow up, you say you spend entire days together, doing more 'dating' type stuff than just having sex. So, this obviously is a new relationship and you haven't a clue where you stand.
So if you like this guy and want him to be interested, you have to stop being so available. Getting to know someone takes a bit of effort and being in a new relationship (if that is what this is) takes some getting used to. If the guy is freshly divorced or split up from someone, if he's been alone a long time, he needs to get used to being with YOU. Some of the best dating strategy I can convey to you is to learn PATIENCE. Patience, and self-control. DON'T text him the instant you think of something he'll find amusing. You may indeed get to that point in the relationship that you can text him whenever you damn well feel like at, even at 3 am, but you aren't there yet. You are in the "getting to know each other" phase and right now, you may be pushing too hard on him. If you have been stuck in this zone for a year, well yeah, then you are booty call, pretty much. If this is only a month old, then just relax and don't try to make him fill your every free leisure hour. It's clingy and could be perceived as controlling or desperate. None of those are generally considered sexy or desirable in a mate, at least I don't think people write them in their dating profiles, am I right?
So my advice to you is to stop initiating every contact. If by doing that, he appears to fall off the face of the earth, and you never hear from him again, well, then there's your (unfortunate) answer. I'd wait a day or two, CALL him (texts can be misconstrued, there's no tone or verbal expressiveness possible), and say something like, "Hey, it was great last weekend. If you want to get together again, I'm available on Saturday afternoon through into the evening, call me back to make plans." Then you sit and wait and observe what happens.
What you call "blank space" is probably him going and doing the projects he didn't get done because he was spending time with you. You haven't reached the stage yet where you are entitled to decide how he can spend his weekend. Maybe you'll get there, but if you come across as being high maintenance, maybe he'll decide to go fully blank.
I sincerely doubt the 'blank space' is a studious ignoring of you. I'll bet he's just getting on with his usual life and NOT thinking every moment of you. Give him a chance to miss you and a chance to do the contacting.
Patience, dear girl, patience and quiet observation will let you know what you are dealing with. Let him make some moves now, he knows full well you like him. Now let him show you he likes you back. Cut him some weekend slack, okay? Don't panic.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (24 January 2011):
Sorry Cerberus, but I kind of have to disagree with you. I've dated quite a few guys and it doesn't matter if he wants "me" time even after just seeing you. If a guy is really into you, he'll text/call a girl even if he wants "me" time. He may not make plans for that day so he can chill out, but he'll still contact you.
I'm just going off experience here and I'm sure this is why the OP is wondering about it: but the guys that are kind of just there and the relationship doesn't really going anywhere--they hardly call and don't make any effort. The guys that want a relationship and enjoy talking to you even if it's "What are you dong?" "What are you making for dinner?" will make the phone call and the extra effort.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): I am a guy (seeing as that seems to be the done thing in this question) That blank space is nothing, have you never met nor know people that take ages to reply to texts?
I know quite a few and yeah it's annoying as hell but it's usually not something they do to annoy people they're just not bothered answering back so quickly or are doing something else etc.
You just spent friday and saturday together maybe he just wants some "me" time on sunday or wants to hang out with his buddies or play xbox live or watch the match. I mean you hardly have something crazy, exciting to tell him since you were last with him the night before. You don't need to talk every second of everyday.
I don't see the problem, relax it's a sunday. He just spent two days with you if he wants to chill out and sunday, let him. Again do you really have that much interesting stuff to talk about on a sunday when you just spent the last two days with him? He knows what you did that weekend, he was there. He knows what you're going to be doing on sunday because you told him already.
You know some of us guys (and girls) want some "me" time too, some of us also aren't into talking just for the sake of talking about nothing, you know? "Wotcha doing now?" "The weather is bad isn't it?" "i just watched a movie" "I just had my dinner" etc. Yawn!
Is there really a need for him to contact you on Sunday? What's the big deal? I mean is it really that important that you're getting this worked up about it that you have to ask the question that you did? I mean it sounded like this guy was just using you for sex because that's how you made it sound originally, for what? Because he takes 3 hours to respond to a text or there is one day a week he doesn't initiate contact? Really?
Relax!!!
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (24 January 2011):
 He may just need some "me" time. Lots of people need some time to themselves, or with friends. He could also be busy doing something and not have his phone or the time to answer you.
Doing other activities together is a good sign. Sometimes a little time apart makes you value your time together more as well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): If he's not making the effort he's just not that into you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for all your replies, I really appreciate your help. I need to get the guts and ask him :) Maybe is too soon to decide. We do do many things together, but it annoys me that we spend, lets say, friday and saturday together then on Sunday he does not call or text at all, unless I do, and when I do, it takes him 3 hours to reply. Not sure why there is this blank space in our relationship. We don't have sex all the time, so I don't think is just a sexual relationship. I'been to his house, he cooked for me, I cooked for him, we go places together. So what is this blank space?
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A
female
reader, Lofaprize  +, writes (24 January 2011):
this really annoyes me about men, but on the other hand, if you like him why dont YOU decide what the relashonship is? why allow it to be HIS decision? you take the lead, dont bother if he says "call me" just call him if you feel like it, you dont have to wait. suggest going places with him, see what he says? you'll soon know what he's thinking then all you do is decide if thats what YOU want and go with it. :)
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (24 January 2011):
Oh yeah, "Booty Call" is often a tier below fuck buddy. That's someone you call just for sex, often while drunk, and usually are ashamed you did the next day.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): iam not a woman or man,i think it looks like you are in the lowest category of fbuddy. hes not exactly enthusiatic is he?
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (24 January 2011):
I am a guy, and the walkin dude pretty much hit the definitions you're looking for.
I suggest you do talk to him about it. "I'm curious, just what are we? It feels like we're something, but I'm not sure what. Do you have any thoughts? Do you see this relationship going anywhere?"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): I'm not a guy but:
Girlfriend: you're exclusive. Treat each other with respect. Meet each others friends and family. Go on dates.
FWB: Know each other as friends but also find each other attractive. Occasionally sleep together but may sleep with others as well. Might hang out as friends as well.
Casual sex or F**k buddies: People who don't have much social contact apart from calling each other when they want sex. Don't go out on dates or hang out that much socially.
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