A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been attempting to look for decent friends these days to absolutely no avail. The people I choose are, for lack of a better term, flakes. Its always the same formula with me. I will become friendly with someone, we will share similar interests and when talk arises about hanging out, I'm eager and agree and we even set up a date to hang out but that person will never call or text and will break his /her promise. My text will always be the last one and then I won't hear from the person for days. Which makes me wonder. If they don't want to hang out and are just trying to be nice, why bother ??? I'm always the last one imitating contact and then I don't hear back from the person for days, followed by some lame excuse. Is it just people my age (22) that are like this?Even if I see an old classmate at a supermarket, her last words are always "omg we should totally hang out and catch up. Here is my phone number."Why do people do this?
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male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (29 April 2014):
 Hi from the UK. I had this all my life until quite recently. Im now 36 and find it easier because im more relaxed about it all. When I was younger I would try to hard, be OTT trying to hard to appear friendly and being over eager to meet people. Now I realize, in the nicest possible way, that I came across as a bit desperate. Instead of waiting for a friendship to develop I wanted instant results and it always pushed people away. As my confidence was low I would subconsciously try too hard with the wrong people, setting myself up to fail. It didn't help that I am not like many young men in that I hate football (soccer) , don't drink much, im not into laddish stuff or any of that so I was a bit alientated. Most men I met wanted to go out drinking, talking about sport and so on whereas I was the opposite. I enjoy Art, photography and so on. Im straight but a lot of men I met (who I wanted to be friends with) took the p*** as they thought I was gay. To be honest as you get older you become more philosophical about it. You get to tell the subtle differences between someone SAYING they want to meet up and actually wanting to do so. Whether it be friendships or relationships a lot of people think its the kind thing to do to say "sure I would love to meet up with you" and then make excuses. It isn't but it makes them feel better. Bit like when you go into a shop and say to the shop keeper "some lovely things in here, I will have to come back after pay day!" when what you really mean is "this stuff isn't my thing so I will go else where." Its important to know when to let go. If someone is making excuses (and after a while you get to spot them and accept them readily) then stop all contact. If you are having to chase then don't continue. You don't say whay you do, student or work, but as you get a little older you will broaden your interests and become more used to talking to people of different ages, backgrounds, interests and so on. You will learn to find common ground more often that you think. I was stuck in a rut of looking for friends of a particular type (ie replica's of me) and yet now I have friends of all ages and interests. You say yourself that you are eager. Maybe that's putting people off? Being a little slower and waiting until you have naturally built up a connection and repore with someone before making plans is better if you can do it. Is it just people yoru age? no but generally it happens less as you get older because you spot the Flakes as you call them easier and are more willing to walk away sooner from those people. Best of luck!Mark
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2014): I'm almost 22. I can totally relate. I got so sick of the false promises of my peers in the end that I joined Meetup, and that's when my social life took off. It's been great being able to spend time with others from different age brackets - when slightly older people say that they're going to do something they usually do follow through with it. Are you on Meetup? Give it a try if not, you have nothing to lose :) Good luck!
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A
male
reader, wise-guy +, writes (28 April 2014):
I'm a 23 year old guy and I totally get you on this! I don't understand why so called friends don't seem to want to make the effort to hang out etc. And the problem is, Where do you find good friends?? I have no idea, all I know is I feel I am in your same situation
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