A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Modnote added: for those who want to understand the relationship:http://lifehacker.com/second-cousins-once-removed-and-more-explained-in-1661572056 (c)Copyright Alice J Ramsay Jan 1987. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .I am a 31 years old male and my second cousin is a 30 years old female. Both of us are single.About two years ago, I invited her over and admitted to her that for my whole life, I had romantic feelings for her. She admitted that she had the same feelings towards me. So we started dating behind our family backs. It has been the best two years of my life. About a year ago, she moved into my apartment. We sleep in the same room (yes, we are sexually active with each other but we do use birth control). She still has her apartment to help keep our secret a secret. We would like to take the next step in our relationship (getting engaged, getting married, having kids, est.). I asked her if she wants to marry me one day and she already said that I am the only person she wants to marry and spend the rest of her life with. How is the best way to tell our family about our relationship and our plans? Should we admit that we been dating for two years?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ArtisticBiscuit  +, writes (28 May 2016):
 Be like:
"Family you know (insert her name here), well for the past 2 years we've been seeing each other more than friends. Don't get mad. I can't help my feelings. I know this is a lot to take in.
I don't want anyone to get angry but, if you have any questions can we discuss them like adults please."
Then calmly answer questions... mention that we are sorry for hiding this from family and not get angry if family and friends disagree with your relationship.
(something on these lines seem good to you?).
A
female
reader, ArtisticBiscuit +, writes (28 May 2016):
Be spontaneous and creative with it.
Create a video about it and sit people you wish to tell down to watch it.
If your family love you they'd support you. Introduce her slowly. e.g. invite her over for a family meal etc..
Plan long term things but don't rush to soon. It maybe scary that you're both slightly related but she makes you happy. Your family should respect that.
Either way you're old enough to make your own decisions. Everyone should respect this. Even if they think it's a big mistake.
It's your mistake to make or chance to prove it's not a mistake at all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2016): You are not planning to do anything illegal. Second Cousin marriage is not illegal in the US.
In the 19th century and earlier it was not unusual for second cousins to marry.
Which set of parents are more likely to handle the news and not become irrational? Sit down together with them. You and her. Explain the situation. That you have been dating and you were not sure how they would react.
Be calm and make it clear that you and your partner are going forward with your plans and hope that you can have their support.
Prepare them for the fact that you have some concerns about talking to the other set of parents. Ask for their support, as no doubt they will get phone calls.
Once you have the easier to talk to parents on side then tackle the other parents.
Same again. Sit them down. The two of you with the other set of parents. Ask them for their support.
When the next family event occurs you may then like to share your good news with the extended family. You may well get one bad apple who insists on making a fuss over nothing. Just look them in the eye and face them and tell them, Aunt Bessie I hear your concerns, but it is not illegal and we love each other. Hope to get your support one day.
Once the announcing is over then if there is family acceptance then you can attend family events and feel no concerns about attending.
Go ahead and plan your long term future together. I hope that you enjoy a long happy marriage together.
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