A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am looking for advice on this I have became friendly with a man who is 20 years older than myself. He has always helped me out with DIY and other things and been really nice.He is married with a family. I have a boyfriend who travels a lot with his job and wee have a little girl. I have started to develop feelings for the other man though and can't get him out of my mind. Please don't judge as I don't want to I'm just trying to be as honest as possible.I think he feels the same, the other day I got upset over something and was crying on my way home, the other man ran into me, and he walked me home and chatted with me about what was wrong. He gave me a hug and left as be had to get back to his office, where he should have been before he seen me. The things that he always does to help me makes me think he might like me or have some kind of feelings.However when my boyfriend is home I'm happy and my mind is just on my boyfriend. Weeks he's away I struggle and I think about the other man as he's here and works on my door step so I see him everyday. I don't know what to do. As I don't want to cut the other man off as he's been so kind to me and doesn't deserve that.Yet I'm Emotionally cheating on my boyfriend who I love.So confused help please! Aunts and uncles!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2016): You need to limit your contact with him. Yes, you have a crush. Accept it. It happens to many people. Even those in committed relationships. But that is where it ends. Keep it in your head. Locked away. Entertaining these thoughts constantly put you in harm's way. The thoughts begin to consume you. If you let them. And in that most vulnerable moment... there is always a right time for it... something will happen to push you over the edge. Where fantasy becomes reality. And then the nightmare begins. Stay away from him sweetie. Trust me. I have been there. I AM there. You don't want to lose your BF over this guy who is MARRIED. He has a wife and family. He will never leave them. You do not want to go there. It is a lonely and miserable place. What I suggest you do is find yourself a BF who does not travel a lot. This is where your problem lies. He is gone too much. You need more love and affection and attention from him. He cannot give it to you because he is away a lot. If you are honest with yourself, you will realize this. The truth is you are not going to solve your loneliness taking up with a married man. Ironically, you will feel EVEN more lonely after falling for a man like this. It may feel good in the moment but the pain that follows is not worth your emotional well being and your life being turned inside out. I crossed the line with my married man. We were both attracted to each other and both decided to cross the line. The moment was right. We were both ripe for it to happen and happen it did. I love him now. And he is still with his wife. Don't do that to yourself. The best choice would be to find another boyfriend, who is all yours, who is single, and who does not have to travel. Forget about this crush. He will only bring you a world of pain. You are not too late to stop this. In fact, you are right on time. It is in your power to back away from him. You can still be polite but distance yourself and stick to it. He will get the message. Best Wishes.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2016): I agree with both answers even if they are somewhat contradictory. While the crush is still strong, enjoy it. You're doing NOTHING wrong. However, be aware that something is missing in your relationship even when your bf's home. It could be the mere fact that he'll leave again, or it could be something else that you're not getting. But you're the only one who knows what you need. Be honest. When my cousin left her gorgeous, hardworking and loyal husband I thought she was crazy. Literally. Until I talked to her and she opened up. Btw, she had never ever complained. What she told me stuck with me - no matter how perfect someone may be, it means nothing if that person is not perfect for you. In her case she needed warmth and attention that she wasn't getting from him. And this doesn't mean that he was a bad person. He was just built that way and for her that was a must. She's not bad either nor did she take her husband for granted. She was simply aware of her own needs.Now, this other man is probably not perfect for you, but your interest in him is a good sign that one part of you hungers for something. Find out what it is!If it's something your bf can give you, well it's all for the best. If not... be careful that one day you don't start acting on your crushes, since in this case the older guy may be just the first in a long line.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (22 May 2016):
 I don't think you CAN keep this man in your life AND be a decent GF.
I think the guy you are crushing on is giving you something you aren't getting from your BF, maybe attention? But that doesn't mean it's OK to get it from someone else.
HOW would you feel if your BF was crushing on another female whom he also used as a shoulder to cry on and for attention? You wouldn't like that ONE bit, so why is it OK (in your head ) for YOU to do so?
I think you need to figure out what you are NOT getting from your BF and work on that. And while you do that you need to CUT OUT any contact with your crush.
Sorry, OP you can't have your cake and eat it too.
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (22 May 2016):
 Well I was in a similar situation quite a few years back.
I just accepted it. I liked the girl but couldn't be with her, so I just enjoyed being around her and had a good friendship in the end.
Don't tell him you like him btw.
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