A
female
age
51-59,
*esminchowdhury
writes:My friend met this person a year and half ago and thought she had found her soul mate. He told her he felt the same. But at the same time he told her they could never be socially together because he comes from a Bangladeshi rural family and he is the only child. He has never been married whereas she has been married for 20 years (now getting a divorce) with two grown up kids, her son 18 years old. He is 34, 4 years younger than her. These are not issues for him but HUGE issues for his parents and extended family. Society is a big thing in Bd and she understood his dilemma. They decided to be only friends but couldn't keep it at that. They have been going out for 18 months and now his parents are forcing him to marry. Having grown up in a Bangladeshi society he doesn't have the courage to break the norms. He still loves her and they are both suffering a lot. She tried to make him see that we live only one life and they should be together, but he just can't go against his parents. Her world revolves around him. They have been spending several hours of virtual time together everyday. He wants to keep communicating with her over the phone and net. She is not sure if it is a good idea. Then again she is not sure if she can cope with stopping communication with him altogether. He is her first love. Her marriage was arranged and she never loved her husband. Now she is getting a divorce and the man she loves is getting married with someone else. She has broken down totally. What is the best way for her to cope with the situation?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (15 December 2009):
She needs to take control and end this affair.
She needs to cut contact and make a decision to move on with her life.
Until she decides she WANTS to move on and find happiness then she is going to keep going back to him and being miserable.
Tell her to choose which path to take. The one she is on which can NEVER have a happy ending, or the one where she has a lot of hurt in the short term, but things get better after that.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (15 December 2009):
In order to not be ostracized and rejected by his family he will definitely need to marry a young single woman and bear children. If he had been married before and this was a second marriage for him, then the family would be ok with it. He has to bring honor to his family or it will be shameful for him to marry someone who has their own children. So it is a case of "if you love someone you have to let them go". She should cut contact with him and move on with her own life in order for him to have a chance at a decent marriage with a new young wife. It will not be fair on his new family and the innocent young girl he is to marry if she continues an emotional affair with him. It will be painful but she has to cut him off for both their sakes. Maybe cutting contact will give him time to think and maybe develop courage on his own to choose love. Only those of us who live in these strict societies can really fully understand how difficult it is for him. To help others understand, it is like Hitler's only daughter marrying a Jewish rabbi. Or President Thomas Jefferson marrying his slave and lover Sally Hemmings. The odds are difficult to overcome. Only later in life do you realize and by then its often too late.
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