A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:During my adolescent years I had a good friend whom I lost contact with when I temporarily moved overseas. He had difficulty mixing in the same circles of friends and so our time together was often just the two of us. His mother was always very competitive and continuously compared our achievements which I tolerated but found to be the burden of visiting his place.During my junior years of high school I realized how little I approved of the way a mutual friend of ours treated his girlfriends and his family in general. I confided in my friend and he in turn repeated this to the mutual friend who blew up. Things have been sour ever since. My friendship with the mutual friend was a negative one and so it’s severance was certainly for best. The two remain in contact and my adolescent friend began to see a very controlling girlfriend who has changed his personality over the years. We saw less and less of each other. During my undergrad I made repeated attempts to rekindle what was once a very good friendship. My phone calls were met with cold ears and my emails with silence. Having been accepted into a very competitive post-undergraduate program I ran into him and he made every effort to diminish the worth of my program. He did not look happy to see me but feigned a smile. I tried my best to remain optimistic through-out the conversation but it was simply too much. I walked away realizing how negative things had become.We live nearby. He saw me in my car at our intersection as he walked across. I did not make eye contact and that night he emailed me about remembering the “good times”. This is the first time that he has made contact. I don’t know what his personal situation is like but I do know that he is taking a year off as he was not accepted into the after-undergrad program of his choice and so he may simply feel lonely. We knew each for 3-4 years seven years ago. I am not particularly interested in reestablishing contact given the negative past and all the other positive people in my life. We live very nearby and we will run into each other many more times. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, LauraE  +, writes (18 July 2007):
You said it - you aren't interested in trying again, so don't. Life is too short to be friends with someone who brings you down. You have no reason to feel bad about cutting the friendship, you tried before and he blanked you. Now you have moved on. By all means. be cordial when you happen to bump into him, smile, wave, and move on. I would ignore the email because there is now way to say "I'm not interested" which won't come out worse than you mean it.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (18 July 2007):
 If you don't want the contact, don't answer the e-mail, never accept an invitation, say a quick, distant hello if you ever come across him, et cetera. He will get it quickly.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (18 July 2007):
 He doesn't sound like someone you need as a friend. Who needs to hang around with negative people? Enjoy your other friends. If you run into each other be friendly but I wouldn't try to rekindle anything. Good luck with your studies, your future looks very bright to me.
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